Wu-fei, Go Away

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Wu-fei Go Away
or...Lauren gets drunk and sleeps with Wu-fei
**Thanks to Jackie for letting me steal her idea!!**

(wu-fei's hanging out by himself in the common room. lauren and trowa enter)

Trowa: "Where is everyone?"

Wu-fei: "They went to the movies."

Trowa: "Why didn't you go?"

Lauren: "I bet cause he wasn't invited."

Wu-fei: *narrows eyes* "Even if I was I wouldn't have gone."

Lauren: *grins* "Told ya."

Trowa: "Why weren't we invited?"

Wu-fei: "Cause you looked busy."

Trowa: "Our Gundams needed major repairs."

Lauren: "I can finally use mine again! Besides, it's Heero's loss he went without me. Now he's got no one to make out with in the movie." *she sits on the couch next to wu-fei*

Wu-fei: "I'm bored, woman!"

Trowa: *sighs* "You're always bored."

Wu-fei: "Now's another good chance to suggest a threesome."

Lauren and Trowa: "No!"

Wu-fei: "You suck." *pouts*

Trowa: *yawns* "I'm tired. I think I'll turn in for the night anyway."

Lauren: "Trowa! It's only 9 o'clock!"

Trowa: "I've been up since 5 A.M."

Wu-fei: "Why? Another failed suicide attempt?" *laughs*

Trowa: "I was stealing parts from the other Gundams for me and Lauren."

Wu-fei: *pales* "If you so much as looked really hard at Nataku--"

Trowa: *yawns* "I didn't touch Nataku, Wu-fei. But if Jackie and Quatre ask, it was Heero." *leaves*

Lauren: "Trowa! Don't leave me with Wu-fei!"

Wu-fei: *pouts* "The feeling's mutual, whore."

(silence)

Wu-fei: "So any new cilents to the whore house lately?" *laughs*

Lauren: "Go to hell."

Wu-fei: "Blow me."

Lauren: "Not in this lifetime!"

Wu-fei: *gets up and goes over to the liquor cabinet* "I'm thirsty."

Lauren: "Hey, don't touch Michelle's liquor! She'll kill you!"

Wu-fei: "It's okay. We used to date."

Lauren: "I don't think that was her proudest moment."

Wu-fei: *pouring cognac into 2 glasses* "Shut up and get drunk."

Lauren: "I'm not really a bid drinker." *takes glass*

Wu-fei: *sits down and mutters* "Worked for Zechs and Treize."

Lauren: *drinks* "Huh?"

Wu-fei: "Shut up and drink, whore!"

(awhile later and both of them are stone drunk)

Wu-fei: *slurs* "Did I ever tell ya that you're really hot?"

Lauren: "You're the hottest guy I've ever seen."

Wu-fei: "Hey! Wanna go feed Nataku?"

Lauren: "Sure! Ih...whadda feed it?"

Wu-fei: *looks confused, scratches his head* "I dunno."

(they go inside nataku, stumbling to get there)

Wu-fei: *looks around* "Where's the Nataku food?"

Lauren: *shrugs* "It's your....thing."

Wu-fei: "Wow, it's really cramped in here."

Lauren: *giggles* "There's enough room."

Wu-fei: "Fer what?"

Lauren: "Me and that other guy had sex in his Gundam!"

Wu-fei: "I won't be out done by that other guy! There's room for sex in my Gundam too!" *grabs lauren and kisses her...*

(the next day. everyone's in the common room except lauren, wu-fei and heero)

Trowa: "How was the movie?"

Duo: *looking at jackie* "Heh heh. I didn't see any of it."

Jackie: "I don't know about the movie, but I heard Heero complaining a lot!"

Quatre: "I thought it was good."

Heero: *stumbles in, looking confused* "Hey...has anyone seen Lauren? She wasn't in my room last night and I checked her room this morning and it was as though her bed hadn't been slept in."

Michelle: "Now that you mention it, where's Wu-fei?"

Jackie: "Yeah, I know we all went too long without being insulted."

Heero: "Be right back." *runs out and returns a minute later* "Wu-fei's room is empty too."

(everyone looks at trowa)

Trowa: "Uh...." *sweat drops* "I went to bed at 9 o'clock and left them sitting on the couch."

Heero: *narrows eyes* "I'm beginning to assume the worst."

Duo: "Lauren! Sleep with Wu-fei?! When hell freezes over!" *laughs*

Jackie: "Give her a little credit, Heero!"

(meanwhile, lauren wakes up in nataku, naked and stiff)

Lauren: "Ow...my head." *looks down* "What am I naked?" *looks around* "In Nataku..." *sees a naked wu-fei asleep* "With WU-FEI!?" *screams*

Wu-fei: *jerks awake* "Gods, woman!" *hand to his head* "Ow." *sees lauren and his eyes nearly come out of his head* "This is a joke, right?"

Lauren: *shakily* "No...."

Both: I HAD SEX WITH YOU!?"

Lauren: "Ew, ew, ew! What a nightmare!

Wu-fei: "I'm glad I scored, but not with you! And noooooo! We've disgraced Nataku!" *sniffs the air* "Ugh. Smells like sex."

Lauren: *shudders* "How drunk was I last night?"

Wu-fei: "Lush."

Lauren: "You started it! Date raper!"

Wu-fei: "Hey, you didn't put up any fight, whore."

Lauren: *takes a deep breath* "Okay, this is the worst thing that's ever happened to me, and it's pretty unpleasant for you too--"

Wu-fei: "To put it lightly!"

Lauren: "So let's do ourselves a favor and pretend it never happened. We'll never talk about it. It was all a bad dream."

Wu-fei: "Nah, the bad one's involve Trowa."

Lauren: "Huh?"

Wu-fei: "Never mind. Now get out of Nataku, bitch!"

Lauren: *mumbles* "Bastard."

(a few minutes later Lauren comes in the common room)

Heero: "Lauren! There you are! I was worried!" *hugs her*

Lauren: "I was doing some final repairs on my Gundam and I fell asleep inside."

(wu-fei stumbles in)

Wu-fei: "Hey."

Jackie: "Where were you, Wu-fei?"

Wu-fei: "I got drunk and f*cked Heero's girlfriend--"

Lauren: *gasps and glares at him*

Heero: "WHAT?!"

Wu-fei: "--in my dream." *winks at lauren*

Lauren: *shudders* "Ugh."

Jackie: "I'm going to go check on my Gundam."

Quatre: "Me too."

Trowa: *swallows* "Uh..."

(2 minutes later...)

Jackie: "Hey! Who stole my Gundam's parts?!"

Quatre: "Mine too!"

Trowa: "It was Heero!"

Heero: "Huh?"

The ^_^ End

P.S I think Wu-fei has a slight fetish for a threesome concerning me, him and Trowa...hmmm...