"Three's Company"
(I get myself in *big* trouble....)

(It's early evening on Libra. Trowa, Wu-fei and Heero are in the common room. Wu-fei's "reading" a porn
magazine on the couch. Trowa sitting like a rejected loser (aw!) and Heero's packing up his tools. Lauren
bounds into the room overly chipper. She's dressed in one of her usual skimpy outfits, ready for a night out)

Lauren: "Heero, let's go clubbing!"

Wu-fei: *turning to the centerfold* "Hey, Heero, I think your whorish girlfriend made centerfold this month."

Trowa: *snapping out of his daze* "Really?"

Heero: *ignores them* "I can't tonight, honey. I really have to pull one of my famous all nighters working on my
Gundam."

Lauren: *frowns* "All right. I know you don't like letting anyone else work on Wing Zero."

Heero: *kisses her on the cheek* "I'll make it up to you. Promise." *he leaves*

Lauren: *crosses her arms with a sigh* "Well....how 'bout it, Trowa?"

Trowa: "Normally I would, but if I wake up on top of you Heero will destroy me." *shudders* "I'm afraid of him."

Lauren: *annoyed sigh* "Yeah, come to think of it Wing Zero isn't the only think Heero doesn't like anyone else
touching."

Wu-fei: *eyes glued to the magazine* "Don't even bother asking me, battle axe."

Lauren: "Don't flatter yourself, Woof-woof."

Wu-fei: "Bite me."

Lauren: *going for the phone* "You can keep your diseases, thanks." *picks up and dials* "I hope they didn't
already go out...."

Treize: "Hello?"

Lauren: "Hey, Treize! It's Lauren!"

Treize: "Hey, Lauren....Zechs, it's Lauren."

Zechs: "Hi, Lauren."

Lauren: *melt* "I wanna go clubbing. You guys interested?"

Treize and Zechs: "Of course!"

Treize: "Pick you up in 5 minutes. Bye."

Lauren: "Bye." *hangs up, grinning*

Trowa: "Where did you get that magazine, Wu-fei?"

Wu-fei: "I swiped some money from Quatre's wallet and bought it."

Lauren: *shakes her head as she leaves the room* "Loser."

Wu-fei: "Bite me."

Lauren: "Oh, go cry to Nataku." *leaves*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Treize, Lauren and Zehcs enter the club and head straight for the dance floor. After dancing awhile they're off to
the bar. They sit, Lauren in the middle, Treize to her left, Zechs to her right)

Treize: "What'll ya have?"

Lauren: "Oh, I'm not much of a drinker."

Zechs: "Have some cognac with us."

Lauren: "All right. A glass won't hurt."

(One hour later. Treize, Lauren and Zechs all have several empty glasses in front of them. They're not totally
drunk, just really tipsy.)

Zechs: "So then I said Noin, I'm sorry. You're cool and all that but Treize is just too damn hot."

Treize: "Look who's talkin'."

Lauren: "I'll drink to that!" *downs the rest of her glass*

Zechs: "Wait, wait! I've gotta another one..." *starts telling his story. Treize gets bored and starts smelling
Lauren's hair* "So then...I don't remember." *pause* "Where was I?"

Treize: "I think this alcohol would taste better if we drank if off something *other* than a glass." *wink*

Zechs: *nudge nudeg* "Sounds like a plan to me."

Treize: *arm around Lauren* "What do you say, Lauren? Back to my place?"

Lauren: "Lead the way!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(the next morning. Zechs, Lauren and Treize are all asleep. Zechs is on the left of Lauren, who's sleeping facing
him. treize is on her right, his back to her.)

Lauren: *asleep* "Heero, you're such a bed hog." *pushes Zechs*

Zechs: *pushing back, asleep* "You can't always have your way, Treize."

Lauren: *wakes up and sits up, a hand to her head* "Oww....." *looks around* "Zechs?! Treize?! *thinks*
"Ooh....I remember now...." *covers her mouth with her hand* "Oh @#$%!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(everyone's in the common room, except Lauren. Michelle, Jackie, Duo, Trowa and Quatre are playing cards.
Heero's restlessly asleep on the couch, and Wu-fei's in the corner with his magazine. Lauren stumbles in, her
hair a mess. There's also a problem with her clothes...)

Jackie: "Lauren?"

Michelle: "Finally."

Wu-fei: *laughs* "You wake up in a ditch, whore?"

Duo: "You don't look too good."

Trowa: "....is that an OZ uniform shirt? For a high ranking officer, I might add."

Lauren: *looks down at herself* "Oh, crap."

Jackie: "What happened?"

Lauren: *looks around frantically* "Where's Heero?" *something falls from her shirt pocket, but she doesn't
notice*

Duo: *points* "He's exhausted from working on his Gundam all night."

Lauren: "*Good*." *runs to her room*

Jackie: "What was *that* all about?"

Wu-fei: *thinks, then laughs evilly*

Duo: "Shut up, Wu-fei! We're trying to concentrate!"

Wu-fei: *still laughing, picks up what Lauren drops and goes after her*

Duo: *proudly laying down his cards* "Read 'em and weep! 3 jacks!"

Michelle: "Damn!"

Jackie: "You beat me!"

Quatre: *frowns* "How much money have I lost....??"

Trowa: *calmly lays down his cards* "4 aces."

Duo: *jaw drops* "4 aces?!"

Trowa: "Yup." *collects his money.*

Duo: "Grrr..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Wu-fei just bursts into Lauren's room without knocking. She's in the middle of changing.)

Lauren: "Wu-fei!" *grabs a towel to hold over her top* "You touch me and I swear I'll scream rape. Heero'll kill
you so fast you won't even be able to scream for Nataku."

Wu-fei: "Oh, I don't think so." *holds up what she dropped back in the common room* "Since when did you
change your name to Treize?"

Lauren: *paling* "Oh no...."

Wu-fei: *knowing, evil grin* "You slept with Treize and Zechs, didn't you?"

Lauren: *chin quivers* "Uh....."

Wu-fei: *going for the door* "Let's see what Heero thinks."

Lauren: *running to cut him off and blocks the door* "No! Fine! I did, I did! But I was almost drunk! I feel terrible!
Happy now? *Please* don't tell Heero, Wu-fei." *pleading eyes* "Please? I don't wanna lose him...you know
how he is...please. I'll do anything."

Wu-fei: *raises eyebrows* "Anything? You mean you'll be my slave?"

Lauren: *grimace* "For how long?"

Wu-fei: *thinks* "A month."

Lauren: "No way!"

Wu-fei: "Oh Heer--"

Lauren: *claps a hand over his mouth* "Fine, fine! A month!" *removes hand and wipes her hand on her pants
with a disgusted* "What exactly do you want me to do?"

Wu-fei: "Anything I ask."

Lauren: "Anything?! Hey, what do you take me for?"

Wu-fei: "A whore. I know Heero wasn't your first."

LaurenL *thinks of the FF guys* "Uh...."

Wu-fei: *grins* "See ya later." *leaves*

Lauren: *sits down, hand to her head* "I don't know how long I can keep this up...."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(No one's in the common room except Lauren and Wu-fei. Wu-fei's still reading through that magazine and
Lauren's ironing his clothes)

Wu-fei: "I better be happy with your work, woman, or you'll have to do it again."

Lauren: "Go screw yourself, loser."

Wu-fei: "You keep up that attitude and I won't need to." *wink*

Lauren: *shudders and mutters to herself* "I'd rather die...."

(Heero comes in)

Heero: "Hi, Lauren. What are you doing?"

Lauren: "Just a little ironing."

Heero: *frowns* "I've never seen you iron."

Lauren: *shrugs* "Well now you have." *begins folding Wu-fei's clothes* "I'm done now though."

Heero: "Great. So you wanna go to the movies or something?"

Lauren: "All right."

Wu-fei: *putting down his magazine* "Count me in."

Heero: *gives him a funny look* "You're not invited."

Wu-fei: *looks at Lauren* "I think I am."

Lauren: "Yeah....let Wu-fei come."

Heero: *completely confused* "Okay...if you want him to...I thought you hated each other."

Wu-fei: "We've bonded."

Lauren: *mutters* "In your dreams."

Heero: "What's that?"

Lauren: *grabs his hand and glares at Wu-fei* "Let's go."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(they go into the theatre to see some sappy teen movie >Lauren's choice and she wanted to piss off Wu-fei<
They sit down. Wu-fei sits behind the couple and off to Lauren's right. Heero's on Lauren's left.)

Wu-fei: *whispering in her ear* "Go get me some popcorn."

Lauren: *whispering harshly back* "Get it yourself, reject."

Wu-fei: *starts humming the theme song to the tv show Three's Company*

Lauren: *mumbles obsenities as she gets up*

Wu-fei: *leaning over the seat to talk to Heero* "Hey, Heero, you really like her, huh?"

Heero: "Yeah."

Wu-fei: "Would you ever dump her?"

Heero: "....probably not."

Wu-fei: "Not even if she---" *breaks off as he sees Lauren returning* "Never mind." *sits back*

Lauren: *hands him his popcorn* "I hope you choke." *sits down*

(the movie starts)

~*10 MINUTES INTO IT~*

Wu-fei: *talking about the girl on screen* "She's a whore."

Lauren: "Shush!"

Wu-fei: "Don't shush me, woman!"

Lauren: *mumbles* "Stupid bastard."

~*25 MINUTES INTO IT~*

(lauren and heero start making out. Wu-fei watches for 5 minutes before he taps lauren on the shoulder)

Wu-fei: "Do you mind? I hate PDA."

Lauren: *turns and gives him a nasty look*

Wu-fei: *mouths* "Whore."

~*45 MINUTES INTO IT~*

(heero wants to make out, and lauren has to fight him off. he goes to kiss her neck and sees a hickey there)

Heero: "I don't remember giving you that one....or that one...or--boy, there are a lot."

Lauren: *sweat drops, pulling her hair back to cover it* "Well, you can't be expected to remember every single
one."

Heero: *uncertainly* "Guess not...."

~*1 HOUR INTO IT*~

(the movie is at a sex scene. Wu-fei leans over Lauren's seat)

Wu-fei: *whispers* "You can do that to me later."

Lauren: *turns around and whispers* "No way. You hate me. You said you'd never--"

Wu-fei: "I'm really desperate."

Lauren: "I won't."

Wu-fei: "You haven't got a choice, whore. I'll tell Heero."

Lauren: *voice shaking* "Not if I do first."

Wu-fei: *eyes narrowed* "You wouldn't dare."

Lauren: *turns to Heero* "Heero....I have to tell you something."

Heero: *looks at her* "Hmm?"

Lauren: *takes a deep breath and blurts out* "Heero, I slept with Treize--"

Heero: *jaw drops* "What!?"

Lauren: *stands up* "--And Zechs--"

Heero: "Where was I?!"

Lauren: "--simultaneously."

Heero: *gets up and yells* "You had a threesome!"

Wu-fei: *leans back in his seat, snickering and eating popcorn* "This is better than the movie."

Lauren: "I had been drinking...."

Heero: *confused* "I don't believe this! I mean the other guys told me you used to go with some of the Final
Fantasy guys--"

Lauren: *quietly* "*Used* to?"

Heero: "--but I thought we were, you know, only for each other!"

Lauren: "I wouldn't have done it! But I was almost drunk! Heero, I--"

Heero: *looks her straight in the eyes* "Were you concious of your decision?"

Lauren: "*partially*, yes."

Heero: *disgusted* "Partially. Please." *plops back in his seat*

Lauren: "Heero, I'm so sorry."

Heero: *looking at the screen* "Go away. I don't want to see you anymore."

Lauren: *tears running down her face* "Oh my god.." *runs out of the theatre."

Wu-fei: *calling after her* "I guess the sex is off then?" *laughs*

Heero: *arms crossed, her stares at the screen as a single tear trickles down his cheek*
~~~~~~~~~~~~

(lauren stumbles into the deserted common room sobbing hysterically. she collaspes just inside the door and
cries into the wall)

Trowa: *wandering in, blood dripping down his hand* "So much for cutting my wrists..." *washes his hands
before he sees Lauren* "Hey! What happened?" *goes over*

Lauren: *gets up* "It's not important." *wipes away her tears* "I have to leave. I came to get my stuff."

Trowa: "Don't go! What will Heero think?"

Lauren: "He won't care." *begins to walk away*

Trowa: *grabs her arm* "What happened with you and Heero?"

Lauren: "It's over between us, Trowa....he doesn't want to see me again."

Trowa: *jaw drops* "What happened?"

Lauren: "I don't want to talk about it."

Trowa: "....are you going home?"

Lauren: *shakes her head* "I won't go back to the real world....but I can't stay here either...." *breaks away from
Trowa and leaves the room*

Trowa: "I don't get it...."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(lauren's long gone. Trowa's asleep in the common room when Heero and Wu-fei return)

Wu-fei:"Trust me, Heero. You suck, but even a loser like you could do better than that whore."

Heero: *looks around, then goes over to Trowa and kicks him* "Where is she?"

Trowa: "Oh, yes! Harder, Heero! Kick me harder!"

Heero: *grabbing Trowa by the collar and dragging him to his feet* "Cut the crap. Where is she? Where's
Lauren?"

Trowa: "She left. Said you didn't want to see her again." *covers his face* "I swear I didn't touch her! Please
don't hurt me!"

Heero: *drops Trowa* "So she *did* leave...."

Wu-fei: "Good ridence."

Heero: "I'm going to bed." *leaves*

Trowa: "Oh, Wu-fei. Lauren left you a note." *holds up a piece of paper*

Wu-fei: "She did!?" *takes it and read to himself* 'Wu-fei--I know you have me, and trust me, the feeling is
mutual, but you have to help me get Heero back. I love him more than words can possibly express, and I'm so
sorry. Do me this one favor, and I'll buy you all the porn you want. *Please*.--Lauren.'*he puts it in his pocket*
"Hmmmm....."

Trowa: "What did it say?"

Wu-fei: *grins evilly* "Nothing important."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(the next morning everyone's in the common room except Heero)

Jackie: "Hey, where's Lauren and Heero?" *wink*

Trowa: "You mean where's Heero."

Jackie: "Huh?"

Trowa: "Lauren left last night. She and Heero had a fight and he said he never wanted to see her again."

Michelle: "Oh my god..."

Quatre: "That's terrible."

Duo: "What happened?"

Trowa: *shrugs* "She wouldn't say, and neither will Heero. No one else has a clue."

Wu-fei: "Right...." *looks guilty, but no one notices*

Jackie: "Where did she go?"

Trowa: *shrugs and looks down* "I don't know."

Wu-fei: *looks at Trowa suspiciously. He knows he's lying, but keeps quiet*

Michelle: "We have to find her and get them back together!"

Duo: "Kinda hard when you don't know anything...." *gets up* "I'm going to talk to Heero." *leaves Jackie,
Michelle and Quatre go too*

Wu-fei: "You know, don't you, Trowa. You know where she went."

Trowa: "Even if I did, why would you care?"

Wu-fei: "There's porn in it for ya."

Trowa: *eyes lighting up* "She went to a hotel in colony 147. She said she didn't want to go too far in case
Heero changed his mind. Now where's the porn?"

Wu-fei: "You'll get it. When I get the two months back together."

Trowa: "You? Helping Lauren?"

Wu-fei: "I'll do anything for porn."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(lauren's in her hotel room, sitting on the bed, phone in hand)

Lauren: "We can still be friends, right?....yeah, of course....yes....I know. Bye, Rufus." *hangs up* "Well, that's
it....I broke up with all my FF guys...Heero's the only one now. He's the only one I *truly* love." *mumbles* "Also
the only one who didn't have other girls on the side." *lays down on the bed* "Am I crazy?! Am I out of my mind!
All this over a 16 year old guy!? Is he worth all this.....??" *sighs and says softly* "I guess I wouldn't have gone
through with it if I wasn't sure...." *tears come to her eyes* "Oh, Heero....I miss you so much...."*sits up abruptly*
"Oh my god...I'm talking to myself." *hand to her head* "I gotta stop hanging around Trowa."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(duo's in heero's room, trying to talk some sense into him. everyone else already backed out of the room. duo's
almost there)

Duo: "Heero, buddy! Come on! How bad could it be! This is the girl you're in love with, remember?"

Heero: *glaring as he pushes duo towards the door* "What would you know. You have your girl, leave me
alone!" *slams the door shut on duo's face*

Duo: *blinks in shock, then shakes his head sadly* "I don't believe it. That bastard!" *kicks the door*

Michelle: "What an atitude!"

Quatre: "Heero was always like this...before Lauren came."

Jackie: "She really changed him...."

Quatre: "Heero's waited a long time for her to come along....I wonder what she could have done to make him
like this."

Duo: "Someone get her back! I hate when he's like this!"

Jackie: "I don't know...I mean, I want Lauren to come back....but I don't her to come here to see Heero doesn't
want her....if only we could do something...."

Michelle: "Let's go talk about this over a bottle of tequila."

Quatre: "At 9 o'clock in the morning?"

Michelle: *shrugs* "Eh."

(they go off)

Wu-fei: *tip toeing over with Trowa* "Okay, Trowa, here's the plan. I convince Mr. cranky spandex pants he
needs the whore to go on living, we go get her, they make up all lovey dovey barfy like and we get our porn.
deal?"

Trowa: *nods* "Deal."

Wu-fei: "Good. And don't tell Duo and Quatre...I'm not sharing the porn with them."

Trowa: *nods* "Got it."

(wu-fei goes right into Heero's room without knocking. It's almost completely dark, and woofie's kinda freaked
out by it)

Heero: *his back to wu-fei* "Wu-fei."

Wu-fei: "How did you know it was me?"

Heero: *turning around* "You never knock."

Wu-fei: "Oh yeah...."

Heero: "Now that you're here you might as well leave."

Wu-fei: "I want to talk about Lauren...."

Heero: "I don't want to." *turns away*

Wu-fei: "Heero---"

Heero: "Get lost. I don't want to talk about it."

Wu-fei: *yells* "TO HELL YOU DON'T!"

Heero: *whirls around and glares* "What do you know?"

Wu-fei: *grins* "Hmmm....my memory seems to be failing me..."

Heero: *grabs Wu-fei by the collar and slams him against the wall. seething* "Tell me what you know, or I will
destroy you."

Wu-fei: *laughs* "What, are you gonna pull out your gun? Outta where? Your tight ass spandex shorts?"

Heero: *pulls out gun* 'click'

Wu-fei: "Oh...so that's where you keep it."

Heero: "TELL ME!" *holds gun to Wu-fei's head*

Wu-fei:
"Laurensaidthatsheisreallyreallyreallyreallyamilliontimessorryanditwassnaccidentandshe'llneverdoitagainbecauseshelovesyoumorethanwordscanexpressandshe'lldoanything
togetyoubackandshe'llnevereverdoitagainbecauseshedoesn'twanttoloseyouandshewasevenscaredtotellyouinthefirstplacebecauseshedidn'twanttoloseyouandsheknewitwaswrongandIknewandshewaswillingtobemyslavetokeepmequietbut
shewouldn'tsleepwithmetoshutmeupwhichiswhyshetoldyousoshedoeshavesomemoralsandplusyoutwobelongtogethersoIthinkyoushouldtrytopatchthingsupbecauseeventhoughshe'sstillawhoreIthinkshe'llstickbyyou.ButIstillhateher.Willyouputmedownnow?"

Heero: *drops Wu-fei* "Hmmm..."

Wu-fei: "Well....??"

Heero: "....I do love her...."

Wu-fei: "Just say the word and I'll go get her!"

Heero: *looks him straight in the eyes* "Get her, Wu-fei."

Wu-fei: *thinks* "Yeah! Porn!" *says* "You got it." *leaves*

Trowa: "Well?"

Wu-fei: "Let's go."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Lauren's in her hotel room, watching tv)

TV: "Today on Jerry Springer, women who cheat on their boyfriends with two men!"

Lauren: *shutting it off* "Fine! Just throw it in my face!"

(knock at the door)

Lauren: *sighs* "Come in."

(trowa and wu-fei enter)

Wu-fei: "He wants you back. Now where's the porn."

Lauren: "Really!?"

Trowa: "Yup!"

Lauren: "Yeah! I'm so happy!" *she bounces over and kisses trowa on the cheek. she *almost* kisses wu-fei,
but stops and pats him on the shoulder instead* "Thanks."

Wu-fei: "Let's go, whore."

(they leave)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(back on libra, heero's the only one in the common room. he's pacing back and forth impatiently. the door opens
and he looks up eagerly)

Lauren: "Heero!" *goes flying towards him and hugs him*

Heero: *hugs her*

Lauren: "Heero, I'm so sorry! I love you and I promise you're the only guy for me." *looks up at him* "Do you
forgive me?"

Heero: "I love you too much not to." *they kiss....*

Wu-fei: *crosses his arms and frowns* "Where's my porn?"

Trowa: *eyes fixed on Heero and Lauren* "I think we're getting it now...."

Wu-fei: "Stupid whore."

THE END