parody: "That
Thing You *Didn't* Do."
(Everyone's gathered in the common room, looking
really bored. Jackie's got her head on Duo's lap, Michelle's painting her
nails while Quatre tried to avoid the fumes, Trowa read a book called "How
to Die With Style", Wu-fei sits, arms crossed and Lauren sits besides
Heero, who's strangely licking his finger then rubbing the same spot on
his arm)
Heero: *mutters* "Damn permenant marker." *looks at
Lauren* "Why can't we just just whipped cream like normal
people."
Lauren: *arms crossed* "Well if you'd buy it, then
I'd--"
Duo: "Whoa! Too much information!"
Quatre: "What are
you talking about?"
Michelle: *pats him on the shoulder* "Forget
it, honey. They're just sick."
Trowa: *reading and muttering to
himself* "Yeah, maybe a whip..."
Lauren: "Hey, I only used that
once!" *claps a hand over her mouth in embarassment as Heero nudges her*
"Whoops...you weren't talkint to me, were you?"
Trowa: *looks up*
"Huh?"
Lauren: *her face bright red as Heero buries his head in his
hands* "Whoops."
Wu-fei: *mutters* "Now that I've been totally
grossed out..."
(a silence passes)
Jackie: "I'm
bored."
Lauren: "Me too."
Duo: *nudging her* "Why don't you
go get a permanent marker?" *Lauren elbows him* "Ow!"
Heero: "I'm
going to go practice my guitar." *gets up*
Quatre: "I think I'll go
play my keyboard." *gets up*
Trowa: *putting down his book and
getting up* "I haven't played my bass in awhile."
(They go to
leave. The girls look at one another in shock)
Lauren:
"Wait!"
(the boys stop)
Michelle: "You play
instruments?"
Heero, Trowa and Quatre: "Yeah..."
Jackie:
*laughs* "Yeah, they could almost have their own
band."
(silence)
Lauren: *leaps to her feet* "That's
it!"
Wu-fei: *sliding away* "Hey, no sudden movements,
woman!"
Lauren: *ignoring woofie* "We could start a
band!"
Wu-fei: "What?! That's a weak idea, woman!"
Jackie:
"A band? Who's gonna be the singer?"
Lauren: "Uh..." *thinks* "How
about Duo?"
Duo: *squeaks* "Me?!"
Jackie: *hugs him* "You'll
be fine, babe."
Lauren: "We already have a guitar, bass and
keyboard player...we could be the managers..."
Michelle:
*interrupting* "I hate to say this, but what about Wu-fei?"
Lauren:
"I'm sure he's rahter just watch and comment on how much the band
sucks."
Wu-fei "I refuse to left out, woman!"
Lauren:
*glares* "Fine. You can play the drums. It will give you something else to
abuse for once."
Jackie: "So what kind of music are they gonna
play?"
Heero: "Wait a minute...shouldn't we think of a name
first?"
(everyone thinks)
Wu-fei: "How about 'Wu-fei and the
Losers'?"
Everyone else: "No way!"
Trowa: "'The 4 living
guys and the one dead one'."
Lauren: "What?!"
Trowa: *hangs
head* "Wishful thinking?"
Duo: "Hey! How about 'The Braided
Bunch'?" *laughs* "Get it? It's like 'The Brady Bunch'. except it's
BRAIDED instead." *grins*
Heero: "Uh...but Duo, you're the only one
with a braid. It doesn't work."
Duo: *frowns* "Oh
yeah."
Quatre: "How about 'The Sunshine Gang'?"
Wu-fei: "Oh
gag me!"
Lauren: "I'm afraid I'll have to agree with Wu-fei...for
once."
Wu-fei: *narrows eyes* "Don't let it happen
again."
Heero: "Hey, how about 'The Zero System'?"
Wu-fei:
*mutters* "Oh that's *real* creative."
Trowa:
"Interesting..."
Michelle: "Weird..."
Lauren: "I like
it!"
Wu-fei: "You *would*."
Jackie: "So then it's
settled?"
Lauren: "All for the name 'The Zero System' for the
band?"
(everyone but Wu-fei raises their hand)
Lauren:
"Majority rules."
Wu-fei: "That still does not deem you
superior."
Trowa: "Shut up!" *pushes him*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(
(the first rehersal. Wu-fei's trying out
his drum set. Heero, Trowa and Quatre are warming up and Duo is singing
some scales. Jackie and Michelle lean against the wall waiting for Lauren
to show up. She finally enters, sheet music in hand)
Jackie:
"Finally! So what song did you get?"
Lauren: *handing out the
music* "Higher, by Creed. I figured it would work well."
Michelle:
"Oh, by the way, while you were out getting the music I got the boys their
first gig."
Lauren: "Already? But we haven't even practiced
yet!"
Duo: "Hey! Have a little faith in us!"
Lauren: *sighs*
"When and where is it?"
Michelle: "It's at a club on Colony 147. On
Friday."
Lauren: "Friday!? Are you crazy?! That's 3 days
away!"
Duo: "Hey, come on! Give us some credit! We'll be fine,
right guys?"
Trowa: "Whatever."
Heero: "I
guess."
Quatre: "It'll be beautiful."
Wu-fei: "Shut
up."
Jackie: "Enough talking. Let's hear some music."
Duo:
"Sure thing! Everybody ready?"
Wu-fei: *whispering to his drums*
"Are you ready, Nataki?"
Lauren: *supressing laughter* "Did you
name your drums, Wu-fei?"
Wu-fei: *snaps* "Shut up,
you!"
Quatre: *fist in the air* "Let's rock and roll!" *everyone
gives him a strange look* "What?"
Duo: *into the mic* "Okay, ready?
One, two, one two, three, four!" *sings* "When dreamin..."
(They
play the song through and it doesn't sound half bad actually)
Duo:
*finises singing and says* "Well, how was it?"
Lauren: *shocked*
"Not half bad actually."
Duo: *grins* "Told ya to have more
confidence in us!"
Quatre: *happily* "Yeah! We're gonna rock the
house!" *everyone gives him a strange look*
"What?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(the
day of the gig arrives. The boys are really ready to
perform.)
Lauren: *wakes up to loud banging and crashing sounds*
"What the..." *looks around* "Where's Heero?" *gets dressed and goes into
the hall. Jackie's there too* "Hey, have you seen Heero?"
Jackie:
"No, but Duo's missing too."
Michelle: *coming out of Quatre's
room. Lauren and Jackie look at one another in surprise* "Quatre's not in
his room."
Jackie and Lauren: *look disappointed*
"Oh."
(suddenly sounds of Kid Rock flost into the
room)
Duo's voice: "....cowboy baby!"
Lauren: "They're still
practicing?!"
Jackie: "I think we've created 4 monters....Wu-fei
already was one."
(the girls walk into the practice room and look
at the guys. They all have new costumes on. Heero has a black vest and
blue jeans, Duo has on an unbuttoned white long sleeved shirt and black
pants, Trowa's wearing a long sleeved unbuttoned green shirt and jeans,
Quatre has on a ruffly blue shirt that's 3/4 unbuttoned and black pants,
and Wu-fei just has black pants on, no shirt.)
Girls:
*drool*
(the guys finish their song)
Wu-fei: *patting his
drums* "Good job, Nataki."
Quatre: "That rocked!"
Heero:
*mumbles* "Stop saying that."
Michelle: "Have you guys been
practicing all night?"
Duo: "Most of it." *grins* "We're really
ready for this gig."
Jackie: "You know, as your agents/managers we
get 50% of you paycheck."
Duo: "What? Come on! We won't stand for
that, right, Heero?"
Heero: "Right."
Jackie: *casually*
"Well if we don't get *our* cut, we cut something out of your evening.
Right, Lauren?" *grins*
Lauren: *nods* "Right."
Heero and
Duo: *paling* "Never mind."
Wu-fei: *mumbles* "Weak
fools."
Quatre: "We're really gonna rock tonight! We're gonna raise
the roof! We're gonna---"
Everyone eles: "Shut up!"
Quatre:
*meekly*
"Sorry."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(change
to the club. the guys are getting ready backstage. the girls are hanging
out in the actual club, looking around)
Jackie: "Wow, there are a
*lot* of hot guys here."
Michelle: "Why aren't there any other
girls?"
Lauren: "Hey, look. There's Zechs and Treize." *pause, then
claps a hand over her mouth* "Oh no!"
Michelle:
"What?"
Jackie: "This is a gay bar!"
Lauren: "They're going
to think our guys are...." *shakes head* "Enough people like they are
already!"
Quatre: *runs over, out of breath* "Boy, I practically
get chased where ever I go in here."
Michelle: *growls* "Nobody
better touch my Quatre before I do!"
Quatre:
"Huh?"
Michelle: *tee-hee* "Nevermind."
Lauren: "What's up,
Quatre?"
Quatre: "One of the strings on Trowa's bass broke....well,
actually he broke it and tried to strangle himself."
Lauren:
"What?!"
Quatre: "The problem is he doesn't have any
backups."
Lauren: *hits herself in the forehead* "This isn't
happening..."
Jackie: "You guys'll just have to deal without it,
Quatre. It's too late now."
Quatre: "You're right." *glances
unhappily at the crowd he'll have to go back through* "See you girls
later." *leaves*
Michelle: *heaves a sigh* "I'm getting a drink."
*goes to the bar*
Jackie: "I'm going to see the manager about our
paycheck." *leaves*
Lauren: *grins and mutters to herself* "And
*I'll* go say hi to Zechs and Treize." *heads oever to them in her short
black skirt and light blue V-neck halter top* "Hi, boys. Come to see the
band?"
Treize: *sexy smile* "Sure did."
Zechs: "We heard you
were one of their managers."
Lauren: "I am."
Treize:
*glances at the program* "The Zero System, huh? Clever
name."
Lauren: "Actually Heero came up with it."
Zechs:
*nods* "Heero Yuy....he's cute."
Treize: *agrees* "Oh
yeah."
(the announcer steps on stage and silences the
place)
Announcer: "Tonight we have a brand new band making their
public debut. Introducing 'The Zero System' with Chang Wu-fei on drums!"
*Wu-fei comes out scowling and sits down at his drum set* "Trowa Barton on
bass!" *out comes Trowa with the broken string around his neck* "Quatre
Rabarba Winner on keyboard!" *Quatre comes out, grinning from ear to ear,
doing the raise the roof gesture* "Heero Yuy on guitar!" *Heero comes out,
looking a little scared and squints in the light* "And finally, your lead
singer, Duo Maxwell!" *Duo comes running out and grabs the
mic*
Duo: "Hey everybody!"
Quatre: "Is everybody ready to
rock?!"
Trowa: *hissing to Quatre* "I told you not to say
that!"
Heero: *shielding his eyes from the lights* "I can't
see."
Wu-fei: *whispering to his drums* "Ready, Nataki? We'll show
up these fools."
Duo: "One, two, one, two, three, four!" *sings*
"When dreamin..."
(slowly things start to fall apart. Wu-fei is
playing *much* too loudly, Quatre is too busy grinning at the audience to
pay attention to what he's playing, Heero can't see what he's playing,
Trowa is missing a crucial string and can't even play half the time, Duo's
trying to act cool, but just ends up tripping over the mic cord a
lot.)
Laure: *covering her eyes* "I can't even watch....it sound
like elephants in a blender."
(trowa gives up and walks off-stage.
heero falls off the stage, quatre stops playing and waves at everyone
instead. duo trips and falls flat on his face. that leaves wu-fei to end
the song himself. it ends and there's a long pause before the crowd claps
weakly)
Lauren: *uncovering her eyes* "Is it
over?"
Announcer: "Uh...thanks to 'The Zero System' for
that...number."
(the boys leave the stage)
Zechs: "Well that
was quick."
Treize: *checks the time* "It's early. You want to go
back to my place, Zechs?"
Zechs: "Sure..." *looks at Lauren, then
at Treize* "Are you..."
Treize: *winks at her* "Wanna join
us?"
Lauren: *melts* "Uh..."
(heero comes up besides her
with a bag in hand)
Heero: "Hey, Lauren. What're you doing with
Zechs and Treize?"
Lauren: *jumps* "Eep!" *looks at Heero* "Heero!
Nothing, I swear." *sees the bag* "What's in there?"
Heero:
*quietly* "Permenant markers and whipped cream."
Lauren: *eyes
wide* "Oh."
Treize: "Hey, Heero. You're pretty cute.
Interested?"
Heero: "I sure am---"
Lauren:
"WHAT!?"
Heero: *points to Lauren* "---in her."
Lauren:
*relieved* "Oh."
Zechs: *thinks* "Well you know..." *raises
eyebrows*
Lauren: *looks from Treize to Zechs to Heero and back
again. Twice. Bad thoughts. Bad girl* "Heh heh. We better go." *pulls on
Heero's wrist, eyes glued to Zechs and Treize*
Heero: "What are you
thinking about?"
Lauren: "Nothing, bye Treize, by Sex--er...Zechs!
I meant Zechs. Bye!" *runs out with Heero*
Heero: "Lauren, were you
thinking about what I *think* you were thinking about?"
Lauren:
*nervous laughter* "Whatever gave you that idea?"
Heero:
*thoughtfully*
"Hmmm...."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(the
next morning everyone's in the common room except Lauren. she finally
comes marching in wearing a turtleneck, her hair dripping wet. she crosses
her arms and glares at heero)
Lauren: "Heero, I can't get it off."
*heero chuckles* "It's not funny!"
Wu-fei: "What can't you get off?
That ugly mask you've been wearing?"
Lauren: *looks embarrassed*
"No..."
Duo: "Well what is it?"
Michelle: "You have to tell
us now!"
Lauren: *embarassed* "He wrote 'property of Heero Yuy[
across my back with the permenant marker."
Wu-fei: *mumbles*
"Someone finally put that battle axe in her place."
Heero: "It was
a joke!"
Lauren: *dryly* "Ha ha."
(silence)
Quatre:
"Anyway...what about the band?"
Trowa: "No more
band!"
Heero: "Yeah, I fell off the stage!"
Duo: "I kept
tripping."
Quatre: "I had fun."
Heero: "You weren't even
playing!"
Wu-fei: "Nataki and I stole the show."
Duo:
"That's because you played too loud you pompus ass!"
(the boys
begin a full argument, and begin to push each other around. the girls
ignore them)
Lauren: "Let's never get them all involved in
something besides fighting again."
Jackie and Michelle:
"Agreed."
THE END
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