Lauren walked in the main office, smiling happily. Working at high school sure beat going to college. After all, she could think of 7 good reasons why she loved working here: Treize, Zechs, Heero, Duo, Quatre, Trowa and....yes, even Wu-fei. After all, he was amusing...to an extent.

     She walked over to her mailbox, which she shared with five other underpaid employees and took out what was there. Just as she was about to leave, Mr. Johnstone, the principal, stopped her.

     "Hello, uh....Jennifer," he said with a confident grin, reading off the many papers he had in his hands. "Congratulations on your SAT scores!"

     Lauren frowned, feeling very akward. "Um...I'm not Jennifer, Mr. Johnstone."

     His smiled faded and quickly he sorted through the papers. "Uh...congratulations on the great field hockey game, Meredith!"

     "I'm not Meredith, sir. And in fact, I don't even go to this school any more. I work here."

 "I knew that," he assured her, pulling out one last paper with a very confident smile. "You're....Ms. Sulsky?"

 "No!" she cried.
 
"You're.....Lauren?"
 
"Yup," she nodded.
 
"Ah, of course. I recognized you right away," he told her. "Now, *Lauren*, it seems you won't just be working for Ms. Johnson anymore. There's another teacher who needs help."

 Lauren frowned, just waiting to hear it was Mr. Kipperly, a biology teacher she oh so hated. "Oh really?" she cringed, waiting.

 "Yes, it seems many students have been complaining they don't understand Mr. Kush-run-aida," he said, stumbling over the last name.

 Her eyes lit up, and she eagerly replied. "Did you say Mr. Kushrenada?! I'm going to be helping out Mr. Treize Kushrenada?!"

 "Yes, that's his name," Johnstone confirmed. "You'll be helping the students in the class understand him. I never thought it would come to this, but I think this high school is truly getting dumber every year."

 "So I'll just be helping him with his classes, and then help the chorus as usual?"

 "Yes, that's the plan."

 "Well, thank you, Mr. Johnstone," she said, practically skipping out of the office.

 "It was my pleasure, Jennifer!" he called after her.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 Duo walked out into the gym ready to go. He had his sneakers, his shorts and his tank top on, ready to show the other guys he was just as cool, if not cooler than them. After all, he had been practicing his rapping all week, and he knew a whole nother line to "Big Pimpin'".

 So he smiled confidently as the gym teacher stepped out, cowboy hat on, megaphone in hand.

 What's this....Duo thought, suddenly growing nervous. Basketball doesn't require cowboy hats...at least not in the colonies.

 "Okay, class, today we're starting our square dancing unit."

 Duo felt faint. Square dancing! Oh no!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 Quatre walked into global in a brand new Armani outfit, and he took his seat. Michelle wasn't in yet.

 "Hey, look!" another boy teased, "it's that kid that knows all the answers."

 Quatre looked behind him but then he realized it was him they were talking to. "Me?" he squeaked. "I don't know all the answers...."

 The boy advanced, a friend grinning evilly besides him. "How do you know all the answers, brainiac?"

 Quatre swallowed nervously. "I just read the text book...it's really easy. I'm sure if you did it, you'd get all the answers right too." He smiled nervously.

 "I think then we should take his text book," he friend suggested. "Then he's be dumb too!"

 "*Would* be dumb," Quatre corrected.

 "That's it!" the first boy cried, going to get the text book.

 Quatre pulled as best he could. "Please don't take it! I need to study!"

 "Hey! What's going on here?! What are you doing to poor Quatre!?"

 The boys looked up and cowered in fear when they say Michelle glaring at them.

 "Uh....we was just talkin'," the friend said, before running across the classroom.

 "Me too. Just talkin'. Nice brainiac." He patted Quatre on the head and followed his friend.

 Michelle sat down besides him. "Are you all right?"

 Quatre fixed his hair. "Yeah. Thank you!"

 "Is that a new outfit? Armani right?" Michelle asked, stroking his arm.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 Wu-fei glowered as he walked into Spanish.

 "There you are, Wu-fei," Ms. Hola said, walking over to him. "You know, you've been cutting class a lot lately."

 "You're pretty smart for a dumb woman," he shot back.

 Ms. Hola frowned. "If you don't start coming to class, I'm going to have to fail you."

 "Ooh, I'm scared," he replied sarcastically.

 "It could ruin your whole GPA!" she told him.

 "Wu-fei is too smart for school," he replied.

 Ms. Hola gave up with a sigh. "All right. Forget it. Take your seat."

 He sat down next to Shell.

 "Hi, Wu-fei," she greeted him cheerily. "Want an N*Sync sticker?"

 "You're weak," he snapped.

 She frowned. "That's not too nice..."

 Wu-fei didn't reply.

 "How come you never come to class?"

 "I don't want to be in a class taught by a lowly *woman*," he said.

 "Then why are you here now?"

 Wu-fei thought for a moment. Then he got up. "Later."

 Shell watched him leave. Oh well. At least she had her stickers.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 Lauren walked into Treize's photography class. Treize wasn't there yet, but Jackie and Trowa were.

 "Hi, Lauren!" Jackie greeted her, bounding over. "What are you doing here?"

 "I'm Treize's assistant. It seems a lot of people don't know what the hell he's talking about so, it's my job to kind of translate for him."

 "Good, we need that," Jackie assured her.

 "I don't see how he's confusing," Trowa mumbled.

 "Hi, Trowa," Lauren said, turning to the boy.

 "Huh? Who are you?"

 She smacked him upside the head.

 "Oh, hi, Lauren. Can you kill me?"

 "No!"

 He hung his head. "Oh...."

 Treize walked into the room at that moment and Lauren went over to him as Jackie and Trowa took their seats.

 "Hi, Treize. I'm your assistant now," she told him.

 He nodded. "So I was informed. Glad to have you."

 "Glad to be here," she sighed dreamily.

 "Photography is a very complex subject. Art and war are both complex in that they both require many materials. Like paint and uniforms and cameras and cannons and crayons and mobile suits. Mobile Suits are complex in themselves. They have many small mechanical parts that require careful care so they will not break. Mechanics are kind of like artists in that they both must deal with a complex subject. In that manner, pilots are also like artists and mechanics. Zechs is a pilot. Then again, he's more complex in his own right. To wear the mask or not to wear the mask. Personally I prefer him without the mask, because he is so beautiful like war and like art." He smiled. "Understand?"

 Lauren blinked. I have to translate for him?! "Heh heh...sure...." she said, feeling very nervous. "Art...war...Zechs...no problem." She gave him a thumbs up.

 "Good. Now let's begin class."

 Lauren paled as she took a seat off the side. She had a horrible feeling she wasn't going to be much help after all.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 Wu-fei decided to go bother Duo in the gym. He walked in to find the students standing in squares.

 What is this, he though warily, a new battle formation? Is OZ behind this?

 Duo suddenly came running up to him, grinning from ear to ear. "Wu-fei! Am I ever glad to see you old buddy old pal!"

 Wu-fei backed up a step. Something was screwy here. "Okay, Duo. What do you want?"

 "I need a square dancing partner! No one will go near me, and I don't want to look like a total loser!"

 "Too late," Wu-fei told him.

 Duo frowned. "Come on, Wu-fei. Do me a favor for once."

 Wu-fei said, "I'm sure you'll look even more like an idiot dancing with another guy."

 Duo thought a moment. "I can't think of any bad things that could happen as a result."

He grabbed Wu-fei and started dragging him towards his square.

 "You owe me and Nataku big time," Wu-fei groaned.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 "I graded your projects," Treize said, indicating to the stuff on his desk. "I have to say I was disappointed. Most of you did not feel the beauty of art in your work, and the quality suffered. Now come pick them up and read my notes."

 The students went to go get their projects when there was a knock at the door. Lauren got up to get it.

 There was Zechs, dressed in a janitor's outfit with a bucket and mop. "Hi, Lauren," he greeted her.

 She looked at him in confusion. "Hey, Zechs...I thought you worked in the cafeteria."

 He sighed. "I had a job change. Too many complaints about my hair in the food."

 Lauren laughed to herself thinking how sick it had made Wu-fei. "Oh well. At least you don't have to wear a hair net anymore. Now everyone can see your beautiful...long...glorious hair..." she finished with a dreamy sigh.

 "Yeah," he agreed, "that cheap piece of crap didn't really fit me too well."

 "This is a crappy school," she explained. "Everything's cheap and half assed." She paused. "I'm guessing you want to talk to Treize."

 "Is he busy?"

 "Nah," she said with a wave of her hand, "this is photography. I'll get him. Wait here." She walked back into the classroom.

 Treize was saying, "if any of you have questions about my comments, I'll do my best to explain myself."

 Every single kid's hand went up except Trowa's.

 "Treize," Lauren whispered, trying to get his attention. "Zechs is waiting for you outside."

 Trieze perked up at the mention of Zechs. "He is?" With a dashing grin he headed for the door. "Answer their questions for me, will you, Lauren?"

 She felt a sweat drop slip down her forehead. "Uh...sure. Great! No problem!" Lauren turned to see every kid in the class pleading with her. This was getting worse and worse...
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
 
 "Hey Michelle?" Quatre said sheepishly.

 Michelle looked over from Quatre's homework (which she had been diligently copying) and replied, "Yes my little bundle of cash?" she arched her eyebrows.

 Quatre looked nervous. "Um, thanks for stopping those guys back there. That was nice of you, but…."

 Michelle waited, then pressed, "What?"

 "I don't think you find me very manly."

 Michelle laughed. "Aw! That's so cute!" She hugged him.

 He blushed and giggled. "Hey! That tickles." Then he cleared his throat. "Um…what I mean is that I really am buffer than I look. And to prove it, I'm going to try out for the football team."

 Michelle stared at him dumbly.

 "Michelle?" Quatre said worriedly.

 She cracked up.

"Hey Trowa, do you have any idea what we're supposed to be doing? Lauren explained it, but I think she made that up."

 Trowa nodded. "I agree. Why did she tell us to make sock puppets when Mr Kushranada obviously wants us to draw the sun?"

 "The sun?" Jackie cried in amazement. "That's what he was trying to say!?"

 Lauren proudly held up her sock puppet. "See class? Easy right? Heh, heh," she chuckled nervously.

 "Idiot," Jackie muttered to herself.

 "Fore!" someone yelled.

 Jackie looked up to see a small white ball hurtling towards her."Ack!" she cried, ducking.

 "Ow," Trowa said lamely as the ball smacked against his head. Then he looked up excitedly. "Wow! That was high impact! It might have killed me!" He smiled eerily.

 Jackie stood. "Are you okay?"

 "Okay?" he replied excitedly, "I'm great!"

 "You're bleeding," she pointed out.

 "All the better!"

 "Jackie, take Trowa to the nurse before too much blood leaks out of his pretty little head," Lauren told them.

 "The nurse!?" Jackie groaned. "C'mon!" Angrily she helped Trowa to his feet.

 "I've got to find a way to come in contact with more of those white balls," Trowa was muttering.

 "It's a golf ball," Jackie growled as he leaned on her arm. "You'd have to play golf."

 "Golf? I can do that."

 "Well there's sign up after school."

 Trowa nodded. "Great…."

 "Prominade you ass! Prominade! Oh you suck why do I even bother?!" WuFei growled.

 Duo frowned and tried to prominade. He tripped. "Ow! Sorry WuFei, I'm really trying…"

 "And what happened to the twirl? You end a prominade with a twirl! You lived in the south you stupid hick! This stuff should be second nature to you! Ow! That was my toe you clumsy ass!"

 Duo frowned miserably. "I should have tried to convince Quatre."

 "We're the center couple, we're supposed to be setting an example for the rest of these losers," WuFei snarled, "you're making us look weak. WuFei is not weak."

 "Maybe if you shut up I could concentrate," Duo muttered.

 "And why aren't you the chick? You're the one with the braid."

 Duo clenched his teeth. "Anyway, I was trying to think of a way to make myself cool."

 "Ha! Good luck with that one.."

 "Shut up. So I was thinking I could join a sports team."

 WuFei smirked. "What sport?"

 Duo grinned proudly. "Tennis. The sport of champions."

 "There is no sport of champions, and if there was, it wouldn't be tennis," WuFei laughed. "That's Wheaties, idiot."

 Duo frowned. "Tennis is really cool. It's a good way to get people to like you."

 "Right."

 "It is! Why? What sport do you think could make someone more popular?"

 WuFei grinned. "Bowling."

 Duo laughed. "Bowling!?" he paused. "Oh, you were serious."

 WuFei narrowed his eyes. "Of course I'm serious. That's a game that requires real skills. People respect that."

 "I bet they wouldn't."

 "What do you mean by that?"

 Duo grinned. "I bet I become more popular from tennis than you do from bowling."

 WuFei laughed. "Stupid bet for you, weakling. WuFei doesn't lose."

 "So we're on then?"

 "We're on. And next time fricken twirl me you talentless freak!"

 "Hey whore! Stop touching my duds!" Heero growled.

 Shell sighed and rolled her eyes. "Yes, very good Heero you sounded just like WuFei, except for the fact that no one on this planet says 'duds'."

 Heero frowned. "Shut up. I will destroy you."

 Shell shook her head. "No, no, Heero. Remember, fit in."

 He sighed. "Right. I meant….shut up. You suck."

 When will this WuFei syndrome wear off? Shell thought miserably. Maybe a hard hit to the head….

 Shell's face lit up. "You know Heero, if you really wanna fit in, you're going to have to join a sports team."

 "Sports? Like horeback riding?"

 "Uhhhh this is a cheap school. We would never have anything like that. No, I meant something dangerous-errrr manly, like um, wrestling! Yeah. Nothing's more commonplace than a wrestler! Ever other guy here is on the team."

 Heero mused. "I don't know…"

 "And they get to wear spandex!"

 Heero looked up sharply. "Spandex? All spandex? Really? Hmmm…."

 "So will you join?"

 Heero smiled. "Mission accepted."
 

 At lunch, Michelle, Shell, Jackie, and Lauren met up in the cafeteria.

 "We have a problem," Michelle whispered. "Quatre wants to join the football team. And now the rest of them want to do sports too!"

 Lauren nodded solemnly. "WuFei's gonna make an ass of himself!"

 "What should we do?" Jackie asked. "Trowa's joining the golf team to try and kill himself."

 "I think," Michelle said hesitantly, "that we should keep an eye on them by….joining the cheerleading squad."

 Everyone gasped in horror.

 "I know, I know," Michelle said placatingly. "But this is for the cause! And besides, Amy's coming back from college to help the new coach."

 "Amy? But she was never a cheerleader," Shell brilliantly pointed out.

 "Well Lauren didn't take art and-."

 "And she's doing a damn lousy job," Jackie muttered.

 "Right. And she's helping. So it'll be fun guys, I swear. And who knows? Maybe we'll save one of their lives."

 "Well that sounds fun guys," Lauren said with a grin, "but unfortunately Mr Kushranada is coaching bowling and I have to go be his translator. It'll take all my time."

 "Oh! Now you can keep a one on one look on WuFei!" Shell said happily. "Perfect!"

 Lauren grimaced. "One on one…didn't think of that…."

 "Tryouts are this afternoon," Michelle continued, handing out flyers. "Be there."

 
 The girls all put on their 'sports gear' (sneakers) and headed out to the soccer field.

 "This blows," Shell growled.

 "Oh, Miss Shell, I think it will be ever so much fun!" a voice from behind her said.

 Shell turned. "Who the hell are you?"

 "Oh, I'm Dorothy, Miss Shell."

 "Stop calling me that!"

 "I'm here to try out for cheerleading."

 Shell tapped Jackie. "Why is she talking to me?" she whispered.

 "Oh, Miss Jackie, you look ever so beautiful this morning! I am barely worthy to stand in your presence," Dorothy gushed.

 "Is she coming onto me?" Jackie whispered back.

 They walked outside.

 "Eeep!" Amy cried, running over to the group and giving out hugs. "Hey everyone! Thanks for going through all this trouble just to help me!"

 "Help you?" Michelle replied in confusion, "we're here for the guys."

 Amy's smile faded. "Oh…I see." she paused. "Remember, I help pick the team."

 "Right!" Shell said, "uh! I love you Amy! I missed you so much!" She hugged Amy again.

 "Oh Miss Amy I'm sure you will be a good judge of this competition. I love competition, don't you? It's like war." Dorothy grinned.

 Amy's eyes darted back and forth. "Uh, are you friends with her?" she asked Jackie.

 Jackie shook her head.

 "I'm Dorothy, Mr Kushranada's cousin."

 "Damn!" Amy cursed. "Now we'll have to put her on the team!"

 A young woman with a heidi-ish hairstyle and glasses approached them. "Tryouts begin now. If  my glasses are off, you may call me 'Anne'. If they are on, it's 'Lady Une'. Got it?"

 The girls nodded in confusion.

 "Now get in line!" she barked.

 "Umm Hi! I'm Quatre. Quatre Raberba Winner," Quatre said chipperly.

 The coach smirked. "And what are you doing here pretty boy?"

 Quatre blushed. "I'm here to try out for the team, coach."

 The coach began to laugh. "You!? You're like five feet tall!"

 Quatre frowned. "I'm five foot one. And I'm manlier than I look!"

 The coach sighed. "All right. Go ahead. Give it a shot."

 Quatre smiled. "Thanks!"

 "Then why are you hiding in the bathroom?" Lauren asked knowingly.

 "They made me wear a bowling shirt! A bowling shirt!" he cried. "And they wrote Chang on it instead of WuFei. I can't come out."

 "WuFei, c'mon! Mr Kushranada's getting pissed! Just come out. If you don't come out, we can’t make out!"

 WuFei grunted. "Fine." He walked out in his pink and white bowling shirt.

 Lauren cracked up. "If those aren't the ugliest things-"

 Treize walked over. "Hello Lauren. Why aren't you wearing your shirt?"

 Lauren frowned. "What?"

 "I made a shirt for you too. Go pick it up over there."

 WuFei snickered.

 Lauren smacked him.

 "Hey Duo, girls tennis meets over there!" A boy called.

 Duo hung his head. "Come on guys. Give me a break for once, please?"

 "Someone give him his tennis skirt so he can show us what he's got!" laughed another.

 "Alright team, we're not having tryouts this year," Mr King announced. "It turns out that our team is so bad we're taking everyone."

 "Woohoo!" Duo called.

 "Duo go out there and demonstrate your serve," Mr King ordered.

 "Yes sir!" Duo said cockily.

 "Uh…Heero, it's nice that you joined the team, but you didn't have to wear your uniform to the first pratice."

 Heero looked down, then back at the coach. "I always wear this."

 The coach cocked an eyebrow. "I see…well that's team spirit…I guess."

 "When I can beat someone up?"

 "You can practice now if you want. Here, practice with Bobby Little."
 "He's kinda small," Heero complained.

 "So are you," the coach pointed out.

 Heero shrugged. "Mission accepted."

 Heero whacked Bobby over the head.

 "Mission completed."

 "Uhhh…is he dead?" the coach asked.

 Heero shrugged.

 "Look, Heero, there are certain wrestling moves you can and can't do. There's…rules. You can't just whack people over the head."

 "I do what I have to do," Heero shrugged, "to complete the mission."

 "Err….you might want to read this handy guide.It’s called ‘Good Violence/BadViolence’."

 "Hmmm," Heero muttered.

 "Uh…Trowa? Trowa Barton? Why are you standing near the flag?"

 "Well, you guys are aiming at the flag, aren't you?" Trowa replied.

 The team exchanged looks.

 "Well, yes."

 "Well, that's why I'm staying here. Play on."

 "Give me a D!" Lady Une yelled.

 Shell jumped as high as she could. "D!"

 "What the hell are we spelling!?" Michelle griped.

 "Give me an 'A' !"

 "A!" Jackie yelled. "I know! It's taking a year!"

 "Treize Kushranada!" Lady Une cried, jumping, "Yeah!"

 Michelle sunk to the ground, exhausted. "We better not have to do that every game."

 Shell muttered curses to herself as she took a drink of water. "I better have made the team."

 "Oh, wasn't that ever so much fun!" Dorothy exclaimed. "I think Miss Une likes me. I might even make head cheerleader!"

 Jackie narrowed her eyes. "Listen, chick. You're the last person that's going to make head cheerleader. We've got men out there to protect."

 "But this is war, Miss Jackie!" Dorothy replied.

 Jackie growled.

 "Hey! You guys did really well!" Amy told them, giving out hugs.

 Shell tugged at her pigtails. "This blows!"

 "Well you all made the team," Amy said chipperly.

 "Why were we cheering for my art teacher?" Jackie asked.

 Amy shrugged. "I dunno."

 Dorothy smiled sappily. "Oh Miss Amy! When are you picking the head cheerleader?"

 "That's it!" Shell yelled. "You're going down!"

 "Eeep!" Dorothy yelled, running.

 Quatre stepped out onto the field.

 Everyone started laughing at him.

 He frowned. “Hey, come on, guys. Don’t pick on me.”

 The coach said, “okay, we’re going to start practicing our tackles.”

 “That means we have to knock people down…” Quatre mumbled to himself.

 The kid in front of him laughed. “Look! We have a geneious!”

 “Um…that’s genius,” Quatre corrected gently.

 The kid narrowed his eyes. “That’s it. You’re dead.”

 Quatre swallowed nervously. “Please be nice. My daddy is very rich!”

 “Then he’ll have the money to pay your medical bills!”

 “Alright, go ahead!” cried the coach.

 The kid rushed forward, and Quatre squeezed his eyes shut and protected his face as he hit the ground. “Ow! Go easy on me!”

 “Hey, you even manage to make that look skanky,” Wu-fei quiped.

 She smacked him as she walked by.

 “There you are,” Treize said with a smile. “Now that you’re here we can begin.”

 Lauren sat down next to Zechs. “What are you doing here?”

 “Treize said I would be ‘a great asset’ to the team.” He frowned. “I’ve never played this game before in my life.”

 “It’s really easy,” she assured him. “Don’t worry about it.”

 “All right, I am now going to explain how to bowl, in case some of you don’t know,” Treize was saying.

 “Never mind…” Lauren mumbled.

 “The ball is the catalyst. When deployed correctly, it makes the pins fall down. It’s like in war, when mobile suits are deployed to put down a rebellion. You need something like mobile suits or bowling balls to get a war or a game started. The gutter is like the gundams, in that they distract from the true intent of the skirmish. Your goal is the properly send out the mobile suits and avoid the gundams so the rebellion can be crushed. Now I have my very good friend Zechs Merquise here to help me, as he is very good at putting down rebellions and will be of a great help. He’s is also an excellent mobile suit pilot, and so he can help with the deployment of yours. Any questions?”

 Everyone’s hand went up except Wu-fei’s.

 “Lauren is here to help you,” Treize told them.

 I actually got that! She thought happily …..kind of….

 Duo went out to the middle of the court smiling widely. I’ll show these guys who’s cool! He thought.

 A ball came flying at him, and he swung wildly at it. The swing was a little too hard, however, and he ended up spinning all the way around.

 “Aw, crap!” He exclaimed, finding his racket was caught in his hair. “Dammit!”

 “Try and keep the language down,” Mr. King suggested.

 “My hair is caught!” Duo cried.

 “Right. That reminds me of a long and boring story I’d like to share…”

 Duo groaned as Mr. King went off on a tangent about some newspaper in Detroit. He tried pulling on the racket, but that just hurt his scalp. Plus all the other kids were laughing at him. He just couldn’t win.

 “Why do you keep talking as if you were the flag?” one of the kids asked.

 “You’re not aiming for the flag. You’re supposed to aim for me.”

 The kid hesitated. “That’s not what the coach said….”

 “Then you weren’t listening. Hit me,” Trowa demanded.

 “Okay,” the kid shrugged, getting ready to hit the ball. He lifted back his club and swung hard….

 Amy frowned. “So what? She’s a bitch!”

 Lady Une removed her glasses and got a dreamy look in her eye. “Mr…..Treize….”

 Amy frowned and hit herself in the forehead. “Not again!”

 “What’s going on?” Jackie asked. “What’s her obsession with my art teacher?”

 “Aren’t we supposed to cheer for the football team?” Michelle asked. “My baby Quatre is going to be on the football team!”

 Amy shrugged. “I don’t know…..”

 “I…I have to fight….fight for Mr. Treize…” Lady Une continued in the same spacy voice.

 Amy shoved her glasses back on. “Lady Une! What about Dorothy?”

 “Kick the bitch off,” Lady Une said with her usual stern disapline.

 All the girls smiled.

 “Hey, whore,” he greeted her.

 “Go to hell,” she snapped.

 There was a silence. “Hey….can you show me how to do this?”

 Lauren looked up at him in disbielf. “You? You Mr. Big Shot doesn’t know how bowl?!”

 “Shut up!” he exclaimed. “Wu-fei is a busy guy!”

 “Ask Treize,” she said, “cause I’m not showing you.”

 “Yes you will! And besides, the jerk is busy.”

 “But he’s the coach!” She turned around. “Tre—“

 Treize was making out with Zechs.

 Lauren stared, eyes wide, with a dreamy smile.

 “Ugh!” exclaimed Wu-fei, turning her around. “Let’s go, woman! Teach!”

 “Hey, I was watching that!” Lauren complained.

 “I command you, woman!” snapped Wu-fei.”

 Lauren glared daggers at him, snatched up a bowling ball. She went to throw it, but she was so angry that it slipped from her fingers and flew backwards instead.

 There was a yelp, and she spun around in horror. “Oh my god! I’m so—“

 Wu-fei was out cold.

 She started laughing.

 Treize broke away from Zechs and looked over. “What happened?”

 “Nothing,” she said innocently. “You can go back to what you were doing.”

 He did, and Lauren sat down to watch.

 The coach approached him hesitantly. “Uh, Quatre, the team and I have been talking and we think you’re better suited to a…another position…one no less vital to the overall well being of the team.”

 “You’re not making me a gopher, right?” Quatre replied.

 The coach shook his head. “Oh! Uh……no. Of course not. It’s just that –well, you’re responsible, aren’t you?”

 Quatre nodded. “Oh yes!”

 “Because we can’t give this job to just anyone! And you’re good in science and math right?”

 “I suppose…,” Quatre answered.

 “Good! Then have I got the job for you!”

 “You didn’t impale any of your teammates, did you?” Treize asked, looking longingly at Zechs.

 She shook her head. “Barely! I mean, in math I stabbed someone with my pencil, but they weren’t even on the cheerleading squad!”

 Treize frowned. “Hm. Well, maybe it’s your eyebrows.”

 Dorothy frowned. “My eyebrows? What about them?”

 “Well….they’re freakish and manly,” Treize replied, losing all his tact.

 “What! Grrr! I think they’re nice! I even curled them this morning!”

 Treize shuddered. “Well Dorothy, if it makes you feel any better I think I have a position you will find more agreeable.”

 “If it involves allies and fishnets, I’m sorry Treize, but I’ve been there and done that.”

 “Uh, no. This is something exciting and completely new….”

 “Nurse Kidkill?” Lauren said hesitantly. “I have someone here who needs medical attention.”

 Nurse Kidkill gazed down at WuFei’s motionless form and licked her lips. “Is he dead?”

 Lauren shook her head. “I don’t think so.”

 “Are you sure? Because it’s organ harvesting season and I could use a nice, plump, kidney…..”

 Lauren grimaced. “No, he’s just unconscious. I hit him in the head with a bowling ball.”

 “…..and he does have two, and one of them is just sitting there doing nothing…”

 “He’s bleeding pretty badly from the head. Maybe you could just give me a bandaid…or a paper towel…”

“…kids today take their organs for granted, dammit! My heart turned to coal when I was twelve and after that I appreciated everything I had! Now if this young man were to say, wake up missing a kidney, you damn well better believe he’d take care of the other one!”

 “You know what? I think maybe I’ll just take him next door to the church so they can pray for him,” Lauren said with a nervous grin, dragging WuFei torwards the door.

 “And it’s not like you can make a truly delicious caramel/blood strudel cake without a fresh, plump- hey! Where are you going with that kidney! Come back here!”

 Heero nodded and headed over to the mat.

 “Begin!” the coach called.

 Ted leaped forward and grabbed Heero’s leg.

 “Bad touch!” Heero yelled, pulling away.

 Ted frowned. “What?”

 Heero narrowed his eyes. “I am aware I am a sexual creature, but you have no right to put your hands on me in that manner.”

 Ted raised an eyebrow. “You’re a what?”

 “I respect myself,” Heero growled, “and I may or may not choose to alert the proper authorities, pervert.”

 “Coach!” Ted called. “This kid is weird.”

 “Uh, Heero, you have to let Ted touch you or you won’t be a valued member of our team,” the coach explained. “It’s necessary.”

 Heero raised his eyebrows. “Are you saying that if I don’t let your lackey feel me up like his personal blow up doll I won’t be allowed on the team? That’s sexual harrassment too, pervert!” Heero slapped the coach and stalked off.

 “What’s with him?” Ted asked.

 The Coach began to answer when he stopped himself and groaned. “Oh no! Wrong pamphalet!” He gazed down fearfully at the ‘Good touch/Bad touch’ flyer. It was going to be hard to explain this one….

 “I already went to the guidance counselor,” Trowa protested. “They said I was a troubled genius.”

 “Yes well, when you tried to drown yourself in the sand trap we got to talking, and we think you may benefit from meeting with other kids in your situation.”

 Trowa raised an eyebrow. “There are other Mobile Suit pilot clowns in this school?”

 “Uh…..no. But I think you’ll see what I’m talking about.”

 Duo’s head spun as he gazed around. Where was he?

 “Hold on, Duo, we’re getting the ambulence,” Mr King was saying.

 Duo tried to shake the dizziness from his head before realizing he couldn’t move his head. And there seemed to be a sharp pain in his scalp. He looked down and was horrified to realize his feet were no longer on the ground.

 “Ack!” Duo exclaimed. “What happened?”

 “Er, you went to make a great hit….jumped…and got your hair caught in the fence. Don’t worry, we’ve called 911.”

 Duo sighed as he heard the snickers. Maybe tennis wasn’t the best way to score a date….

 Shell groaned and shook her head. “We don’t have to spell Kushrenada again, do we? We did that in our last eight cheers!”

 Lady Une frowned. “Shut up!” She cleared her throat. “Anyway. Here’s how it goes: You’re handsome strong and brave,
 we know that you’re not gay!
 We know you will win the day
 Go Treize Go Treize Go Treize!”

 Jackie groaned. “Somebody slip her some Ridilin….”

 Michelle sighed. “Well at least we don’t have to spell-”

 “Give me a ‘K’!” Lady Une continued.

 Amy fainted.

 “I’m sorry Woofie!” Lauren said for the eighteenth time. “But how was I to know you’d stick you’re stupid round head right underneath my ball?”

 WuFei nursed his head and groaned, “And then to top it off you took me to the nurse! The nurse! You’re really trying to kill me, aren’t you woman?”

 “Sorry,” Lauren muttered again, helping WuFei down the hallway. “How about I buy you some frozen yogurt. Okay? Will that make you happy?”

 “As long as Zechs isn’t working…”

 “What flavor you want Woofie? Strawberry?”

 “Shut up.”

 Lauren shrugged and led the way to the lunchline.

 “Ack!” she cried in horror. “Dorothy!?”

 Dorothy narrowed her haggard eyebrows. “Yes, it’s me. Do you have a problem with that?”

 Lauren frowned. “What’re you doing here?”

 “Mr Treize said that this was the place I’d be most likely to see a fight.”

 Lauren shrugged. “I guess that’s true…”

 “Anyway, you want some Flogurt or not?”

 “You mean yogurt?”

 “No, the company that made the stuff couldn’t afford to purchase the rights to say ‘yogurt’ on the can.”

 “It came in a can?”

 “Of course it did! I would know wouldn’t I? I’m the one who spent twenty minutes peeling the outer film off! So, do you want some or not?”

 Lauren grimaced. “Woofie does.”

 Dorothy sighed and filled up the cup with some Flogurt. She handed it to Lauren.

 “Here,” Lauren snarled. “Now shut up.”

 WuFei grunted, took a bite, then started gagging.

 “Oh, what is it now?” Lauren sighed impatiently.

 “Son of a B!” he groaned, removing a five foot long strand of hair. “Oh this is so disgusting! I think I’m gonna-!” WuFei fainted.

 “Woo, finally,” Lauren said in relief, heading back to the bowling team. Hopefully Zechs and Treize would still be there…..
 

  To be continued……….