(Cloud's gang is on the Highwind. Cid is over by the pilot, while Cloud, Tifa, Barret and Vincent stand towards the back, towards the door that leads out of the bridge)
Cid: "@#$%!"
Tifa:
(glances over at him) "You know, I've never said anything before, but I
think Cid curses too much."
Vincent:
"He does have a slight--"
Cid:
"@#$%&^!"
Vincent:
"....problem."
Barret:
"Yo! Ain't nothin' wrong with a swear word once in awhile!"
Tifa:
"Yeah, once in awhile. But everything he says just seems to be one long
jumble of curses!"
Cid:
"@#!#$(!@$!^#$(*@$!@(&!"
Tifa:
"See? Aren't I right, Cloud?"
Cloud:"Who
are we talking about?"
Vincent:
"What do you propose we do about it?"
Tifa:
(thinks) "Hey, I've got an idea. Call Cid over here."
Barret:
"Yo, Cid! Get yo @$$ over here!"
Cid:
(coming over) "!@#$@!?!"
Tifa:
"Cid, we'd like to speak with you about your *very* slight cursing problem."
Cid:
"@$#%?!?!"
Barret:
"That's what I said."
Tifa:
"We think you should have a swear jar."
Cloud:
"A huh- what?"
Tifa:
"Shut up, Cloud."
Cid:
"@$#%!?"
Tifa:
"That means every time you curse you put one Gil in the jar. It's supposed
to help you stop cursing."
Barret:
"Yo, that's crazy, woman! @#%$!"
Tifa:
"Shut up, Barret, or you'll have one too." (smiles at Cid.) "So what do
you think, Cid? Just a trial run. Let's say a week. Just to see how you
do."
Cid:
(shrugs) "Okay."
Tifa:
(looks surprised) "Okay? You mean you'll do it? Just like that?"
Cid:
"Why not?"
Barret:
"Yo! This ain't no fun! I bet there's 100 Gil in that swear jar by the
end of the week."
Cid:
"No way! There will be no more than 30!"
Cloud:
"What? It's 30 days till meteor hits?"
Vincent:
"Meteor is gone. Sephiroth is defeated, if you'll recall."
Cloud:
"Who?"
DAY 1
Tifa:
"Good morning, Cid."
Cid:
"Good morning."
Pilot:
(running in frantically) "Captain! There's been a slight accident on the
bridge!"
Cid:
"Oh @%#$!"
DAY 2
Tifa:
"Well, Cid, you tried your best but you cursed 21 times yesterday."
Cid:
"Don't worry. Today I'm curse free."
Cloud:
"Uh, Cid? I used your toothbrush by mistake. You still want it?"
Cid:
"What the @#$%=+*!"
DAY 3
Tifa:
"Yesterday you cursed 15 times, Cid."
Cid:
(grins) "Hey, I'm gettin' better."
Cait Sith:
(bouncing in) "Uh, Cid? You know your favorite spear?"
Cid:
"Yeah...."
Cait Sith:
(nervously) "Uh....were you really attached to it?"
Cid:
"@X+=@#$%&<*/.com!"
DAY 4
Tifa:
"You cursed 12 times yesterday, Cid."
Cid:
"It's still an improvement."
(goes into his room
and shuts the door. Tifa starts to walk away)
Cid:
(from inside) "Where's my @#X+/<% materia?!"
(Tifa shakes her head
and walks away)
DAY 5
Tifa:
"You cursed 23 times yesterday, Cid. Your worst day yet."
Cid:
(shakes head) "Yeah, I had to borrow money from Red. But today I turn over
a new leaf! No more cursing!"
Cait Sith:
"Hey, Cid! Shera's on the PHS!"
Cid:
"Why that @$X#--whoops."
DAY 6
Tifa:
"You're not doing well, Cid."
Cid:
@#$%!"
Tifa:
"Cid!"
Cid:
"Whoops. Sorry, that was a reflex."
DAY 7
Tifa:
"This is it, Cid. You're last day. Think you can make it?"
Cid:
(grinning proudly) "Course!"
Pilot:
(running in) "Captain! The control's are broken! We're gonna crash!"
Cid:
(springing into action) "This flying hunk of Shinra junk!" (runs to the
controls) "Get me some tools, you pathetic excuse for a living creature!"
(Cid gets his tools
and begins to work silently)
Cid:
(after he bangs his hand) "What the---uh...ow."
Tifa:
(covers eyes) "We gonna make it?"
Cid:
"Of course!" (finishing fiddling) "Whoo hoo! I did it!"
Tifa:
"Wow, Cid! You did it, and you didn't curse at all! I'm so proud of you!"
(Cid beams, and holds
up Cait Sith's M-phone)
Cid:
"Here was the problem. Someone jammed this in there."
Tifa:
"Oh dear."
Cait Sith:
(bouncing in) "Oh hey! You found my m-phone! So that's where I left it!
Thanks, Cid!"
Cid:
(charging at Cait Sith, m-phone in hand) "@#$ce/e%^*&+<=X{>/q_.thml.com.gov.org!"
Cait Sith:
(shielding himself) "Ah! No, Cid! That thing's capable of taking off 9
hit points!"
(Tifa covers her eyes)
LATER....
(Tifa is counting the
money in the swear jar)
Tifa:
".....one fourteen, one fifteen, one sixteen." (sighs) "116 Gil."
Barret:
"Told ya!"
Tifa:
"What should we do with the money?"
Cait Sith:
"I need a new m-phone."
Cloud:
"I can't find my toothbrush."
Red:
"Cid owes me 15 Gil."
(Tifa gives Red 15
Gil and Cloud 5 Gil for a new toothbrush.)
Cait Sith:
"What about me?"
Tifa:
"Why do you need a weapon? You never get to fight anything."
Cait Sith:
(hangs head) "Ooh..."
Tifa:
"Well, Cid. What do you think of your experience?"
Cid:
"@#$=+!"
Red:
"I think Cid speaks for everyone."
Cloud:
"Who's Cid? And where's my toothbrush?"
(Everyone leaves the
room)
Cloud:
"Hey, where'd this money come from? Hey...where am I?"
THE END