Tifa: "Oh, Cloud! I'm so glad we're having this party!"
Cloud: "We're having a what now?"
Tifa: *laughs* "You're so funny, Cloud."
Cloud: "Heh heh....yeah." *shrugs*
(doorbell)
Tifa: "Ooh! Someone's here!"
(Opens the door. It's Selphie and Irvine)
Tifa: "Hi, Selphie! Hi, Irvine! Great to see you!"
Selphie: "I brought a strawberry shortcake!"
Irvine: "I brought a bottle of tequila." (he winks at Tifa) "Hey, groovy chick."
(Selphie smacks him)
Selphie: "Irvine! We discussed this!"
(They give their stuff to Cloud and go downstairs)
Tifa: "Look! It's Vincent!"
Vincent: "Greetings." (holds out a plate) "Brownies. I baked them myself."
(Tifa and Cloud exchange a confused looks)
Tifa: "Thanks, Vincent. The party's down there."
Cloud: "Look. There's what's his face. The cat/dog guy."
Tifa: "That's Red, Cloud. Oh, and look! Bugenhagen came too!"
Red: "Hello."
Bugenhagen: "Ho ho hoo. We brought roasted chocobo."
Red: "I roasted it on the Cosmo flame myself."
Tifa: "Oh! My favorite!"
(Red and Bugenhagen go downstairs)
Tifa: "Oh, hi, Zell."
Zell: "Uh....hi. My mom baked an apple pie for the party."
Tifa: (taking it) "Thanks, Zell."
Zell: "Uh....is Squall here yet?"
Cloud: "Who?"
Tifa: "No."
(Zell goes downstairs)
Cloud: "Tifa, why are all these people in the house?"
Tifa: "Cloud, don't me explain it again. Hi Sephiroth!"
(Sephiroth says nothing at first, he just glares)
Tifa: "Sorry about that whole trying to kill you thing. We're glad you came."
Sephiroth: "I brought wine....red wine."
Tifa: "Uh...great. Everyone's downstairs."
Cloud: "I know him...."
Tifa: "Hey, Squall! Hey, Rinoa!"
Rinoa: "Hi, Tifa." (nudges Squall) "Say hello, Squall."
Squall: (mumbles) "Hello."
Rinoa: "I brought chocolate cupcakes."
Squall: "Caviar."
Tifa: (gasps) "Squall, this must have cost you hundreds of Gil!"
Squall: "Whatever."
(He and Rinoa go downstairs)
Tifa: "Barret! Cid! Glad you could come!"
Cid: "@$#%x+!"
Tifa: "Great....I love....uh...beef jerky."
Barret: "Yo! I brought the keg! So prepare to get drunk off your @$$!"
Cloud: "Okay....what's going on?"
Tifa: "Forget Cloud. Everyone's downstairs. Hi Quistis."
Quistis: "Hi. Thanks for inviting me. I brought some hot dogs from Garden." (lowers her voice) "Uh, I kinda stole them, so if anyone asks, it was Zell."
Tifa: "Okay...everyone's down there."
Cloud: "Uh....who invited Heidegger and Scarlet?"
Tifa: "Cloud! You actually recognized someone!"
Cloud: "Huh?"
Heidegger: "I brought chips."
Tifa: "Uh...this is 'snack size'."
Heidegger: "Gya haa haa!"
Scarlet: "I brought wine coolers. Where's Rufus?" (goes downstairs)
Tifa: "Cheapskate."
Cloud: "B*tch."
Tifa: "Oh look! It's Seifer!"
Seifer: "Uh...I tried to catch some fish...uh, I mean I caught some fish, but they were....uh....too big to bring. Yeah."
Tifa: "Okay..."
(He goes downstairs)
Tifa: "Hi, Rufus! Oh, and you brought the Turks."
Elena: "Yeah. Is there a problem?"
Tseng: "Elena..."
Elena: "Sorry."
Rufus: (pushes hair out of eyes) "I brought some chocolates."
Reno: "I brought some Jack Daniels! Let's get this party started!"
Rude: "........."
Tifa: "Look, Cloud. It's Laguna, Kiros and Ward!"
Cloud: "Who's doing what now?"
Laguna: "Uh...we had a cake, but, uh...."
Kiros: "Laguna dropped it."
Ward: "......."
Kiros: "Ward says Laguna's an idiot. Luckily, we bought a second one and wouldn't let Laguna near it."
Ward: "........"
Kiros: "Ward says you're hot and he wants your number, but you should give it to me so I can hold it for him."
Ward: (pushes Kiros) "......."
Kiros: "Ward says he wants to get drunk and hook up with a hot chick."
Laguna: "Uh....I don't think he meant that, Kiros."
Kiros: "Ward says to shut your mouth."
Laguna: "But Ward didn't say anything...."
(they go downstairs)
Tifa: "Hey, Yuffie!"
Yuffie: (grumbles) "Here." (trudges downstairs)
Tifa: "Destruct materia?"
Cloud: "....you can't eat that..."
Tifa: "Reeve?"
Reeve: "Yup."
Tifa: "No Cait Sith?"
Reeve: "No."
Tifa: "Oh."
Cloud: "Good."
Reeve: "I brought some popcorn."
Tifa: "Great. Well, everyone's downstairs."
Cloud: "Is that everyone?"
Tifa: "Yup."
Cloud: "Then who's that?"
Tifa: (looks) "Ack! Hojo!" (slams the door shut)
Hojo: "Hello? Anyone home? I brought seaweed and crab juice! Hello? Tifa? Cloud? Sephiroth? I know you're in there, son!"
(Cloud and Tifa head downstairs)
Quistis: "Zell! I worked hard to get those hot dogs, and you eat them in 5 seconds flat!"
Zell: (mouth full) "Sorry."
Barret: "Hey, Cid. I bet I can get drunker than you!"
Cid: "@X+$#%!"
Barret: "Fine! You're on!"
Rude: "I want to get in on this bet!"
Reno: "Me too!"
Irvine: "Me three!"
Selphie: "No, Irvine. Put the tequila down."
Irvine: "Ooohhh...." (pouts)
Kiros: (to Elena) "Hey. I lost my phone number. Can I borrow yours?"
Elena: "Eek! Tseng, protect me!"
Tseng: "Elena...you're a Turk."
Elena: "Right..." (kicks Kiros. Guess where)
Kiros: "Ow!!!!"
Scarlet: "Hi, Rufus." (strokes his arm)
Rufus: (looks at her hand on his arm) "Uh...please don't touch me."
(Sephiroth walks by, drinking his wine right out of the bottle, the masamune over one shoulder)
Barret: "I'm gonna drink ya under the @#$& table!"
Cid: "@#$%*&!"
Rude: "I'll drink ya under the ground."
Reno: "I'll drink ya under the planet."
Sephiroth: "I am the planet."
Cloud: "No you're not."
Sephiroth: "Jenova filled puppet!"
Cloud: (goes crying to Tifa) "Tifa, Sephiroth called me a Jenova filled puppet!"
Tifa: "Yeah, well he's a Jenova filled psychopath and son of Hojo."
Cloud: "Yeah! So there!"
Seifer: "Listen! I don't have any materia!"
Yuffie: "Liar! Stupid, ugly liar!"
Seifer: "Hey! Rinoa, am I ugly?"
Rinoa: "Whatever."
Squall: "Hey, you stole my line!"
Bugenhagen: "Ho ho hoo. Absorb the humor that is everywhere, Nanaki."
Red: "Grandfather, what are you talking about?"
Bugenhagen: "I don't know...I think I had a little too much of that Irvine fellow's tequila."
Vincent: "Hmmm...I hope everyone likes my brownies."
Hojo: (peering throught the window) "I know you're in there!" (bangs on the glass) "Stupid Turk!"
(Tseng, Elena, Reno, Rude and Vincent all turn around.)
Elena: "Hey!"
Reno: "I'm trying to drink here!"
Rude: "........"
Elena: "Don't make me come out there!"
Tseng: "Elena....."
Elena: "Sorry."
Vincent: "Were you referring to me, Hojo?"
Tifa: (closing the blinds) "Heh...nothing to see there, folks."
Hojo's voice: "Hey!"
Laguna: "Yeah, I had to fight a red dragon off with a gunblade once. It wasn't unpossible."
Squall: "Uh....*in*possible."
Laguna: "Whatever."
Squall: "That's *my* line."
Laguna: (laughs) "Whatever."
Squall: "Grrrr..."
Seifer: "Rinoa, get this freak away from me!" (fends off Yuffie)
Rinoa: "Seifer, can't you see I'm here with Squall?"
Seifer: "Whatever--"
Squall: "I say that!!"
Seifer: "--help me!"
Yuffie: "Give me your materia, ya big bully!"
Sephiroth: (walking by) "Jerks."
Seifer: "Hey! No one gets away with that!" (goes after him)
Yuffie: "Hey! Come back here!"
Selphie: "Hey! What happened to my strawberry shortcake?"
Zell: (mouth full) "I don't know."
Selphie: "He-ey! Where's my Irvine?"
Cloud: (to Tifa) "Who are you?"
Tifa: "Cloud, I'm Tifa."
Cloud: "Aeris?"
Tifa: "No, Cloud."
Bugenhagen: "Ho ho ho ho hoo hoo hoooo hooo.....howoaho...."
Red: "Grandfather?"
Bugenhagen: "Don't worry, Nanokeykey. I'm just a little....hoooo ho!"
Red: "I told you to lay off that stuff!"
Vincent: "....I hope I remembered the sugar in those brownies..."
Rufus: "What are Rude and Reno doing?"
Heidegger: "Gya haa haa!"
Rufus: "Did I ask for your input?"
Heidegger: "Gya ha?"
Scarlet: "They're drinking, darling."
Rufus: "Wonderful. A pair of drunk Turks. And don't call me darling."
Reeve: "Hi, everyone."
Scarlet: "Reeve? What are you doing here?"
Reeve: "I was invited."
Rufus: "Wait a minute. If you, me, Scarlet, Heidegger, and the Turks are here, and Hojo wishes he was....who's running the company?"
Heidegger: "Gya haa haa?"
Rufus and Scarlet: "Palmer!!"
Quistis: "Has anyone seen my whip?"
Barret: "I'll drink ya under the @#$%*& tabbblllee...."
Cid: "@@@###$$$%%%&&&***....."
Tifa: "Don't you think you two have had enough?"
Barret: "Git outta ere woman..."
Cid: "@@##...."
Seifer: "Hey, you!"
Sephiroth: (turning around) "Are you speaking to me?"
Seifer: "Yeah! You called me a jerk!"
Sephiroth: "And I was correct."
Seifer: "Hey! No one talks to Seifer like that!"
Sephiroth: "Seffer?"
Seifer: "No, Seifer."
Sephiroth: "I like Seffer better."
Seifer: "That's not my name!"
Selphie: "Has anyone seen Irvine?"
Irvine: "Yee haw! I'm right here, cowgirl!"
Selphie: "Irvine, were you drinking that tequila?"
Irvine: "Uh....no?"
Hojo: "Vincent! You can have Lucretia! Let me in!"
Vincent: "I choose to ignore you, Hojo."
Yuffie: "Ew! Shinra!"
Rufus: "Excuse me. I don't care for that."
Yuffie: "Grossness!"
Heidegger: "Gya haa haa!"
Rufus: "Would you stop laughing?! What the hell is so funny?!"
Scarlet: "The President does not care for your negative words describing Shinra."
Yuffie: "Shut up, slut!" (runs off)
Heidegger: "Gya haa haa!"
Rufus: (laughs) "Fine. Now you may laugh."
Kiros: (holding Quistis' whip) "Heh heh." (to Elena) "Look what I've got!"
Elena: "Get lost." (kicks him. guess where.)
Tseng: "Elena..."
Elena: "Yes, Tseng?"
Tseng: "That was....beautiful."
Elena: "Thanks."
(They start to make out)
Quistis: (picking up her whip) "Ah ha!"
Tifa: "Hey! What happened to all the caviar Squall brought?"
Zell: (shrugs, mouth full) "I don't know."
Yuffie: "Hey, you!"
Seifer: "Eep!" (to Sephiroth) "I'll deal with you later." (runs off)
Sephiroth: "Sure...." (drinks more wine)
Barret: (sitting on the floor) "Drink.....floor..." (passes out)
Cid: "@$#%." (passes out)
Reno: "Ha ha! We bested them! Turks rock!" (he and Rude give each other high 5's)
Selphie: "No more for you, Irvine!" (leads Irvine away and drops the bottle of tequila near Bugenhagen)
Bugenhagen: "Ho ho!" (grabs bottle)
Laguna: "....and so isn't that a funny story?"
Squall: "No."
Laguna: "Whatever!"
Squall: (taking out his gunblade) "STOP SAYING MY LINE!" (attacks Laguna)
Laguna: "Ack!"
Rinoa: "Squall, stop! It's not even a good line!"
Heidegger: (pointing at Squall) "Gya haa haa!"
Rufus: "Shut up or you're fired."
Scarlet: "You're so decisive, President Rufus!"
Rufus: "Stop hitting on me."
Reeve: "I hope Palmer's not resurrecting the space program as we speak."
Rufus: "If he is, I'll send *him* into orbit."
Heidegger: "Gya haa haa!"
Scarlet: "You're so witty, President Rufus!"
Rufus: "Would you two suck-ups knock it off?!"
Bugenhagen: "Feel the Force, Nanakeykey."
Red: "Grandfather, what the hell are you talking about? And I'm NanaKI."
Bugenhagen: "Ho ho! Live long and prosper!"
Seifer: (from behind the couch) "Is she gone?"
Yuffie: "Ha ha!"
Seifer: "Eek!" (runs)
Kiros: "Hey, Ward. Help me out here, will you?"
Ward: (kicks him) "......."
Kiros: "Ow!"
Vincent: "Where are my brownies?"
Zell: (shrugs, mouth full) "I don't know."
Rinoa: "Zell! Help me break up Squall and Laguna!"
Zell: "Can't. Eating."
Rinoa: "Quistis! Help!"
Quistis: "Ohmygosh! Squall!" (runs over)
Reno: "Hey, where are Tseng and Elena?"
Rude: "......" (points)
Rufus: "Oh my g-d!"
Heidegger: "Gya haa haa!"
Scarlet: "Hey Rufus...getting any ideas?"
Rufus: "With you? Oh no."
Heidegger: "Gya haa haa!"
Scarlet: "Shut up."
Tifa: "Oh dear. This is not going well."
Cloud: "I told you."
Tifa: "You don't even know what's going on!"
Cloud: (hangs head) "Don't mock me."
Sephiroth: (crying) "I want my mommy!"
Reno: "How drunk is he?"
Hojo: "Sephiroth! Daddy's right outside!"
Sephiroth: "I want *mommy*."
Hojo: (in a high pitched voice) "Sephiroth! It's me, your *real* mother, Lucretia!"
Vincent: "That's not Lucretia's voice..."
Squall: "I'll show you not to steal my line!!"
Laguna: "Ow! No hair pulling!"
Quistis: "Squall! If you don't stop I'm going to have to discipline you when we get back to Garden!"
Barret: "........."
Cid: "........."
Ward: ".........."
Kiros: "Shut up, Ward."
Irvine: (pointing to Tseng and Elena) "Hey, Selphie. Let's do what they're doing."
Selphie: "No!"
Irvine: (mumbles) "This party blows."
Cloud: "Hey! Who ate all the food?"
Zell: (shrugs, mouth full) "I dunno." (walks away)
Vincent: (holding Sephiroth back) "No, Sephiroth! It's Hojo!"
Sephiroth: "Ew."
Hojo: "Don't listen to that stupid Turk, Sephiroth!"
Sephiroth: "Urge to kill rising....."
Hojo: "Whoo hoo!"
Sephiroth: "Urge to kill Hojo rising...."
Hojo: "Eek!" (sounds of footsteps running)
Sephiroth: "I will become one with the planet!" (disappears)
Tifa: (surveys the scene of Cid and Barret passed out, the empty food table, Bugenhagen stone drunk, Elena and Tseng going at it, Yuffie chasing Seifer and Laguna and Squall fighting.) "Cloud, remind me to never do this again."
Cloud: "Huh?"
Bugenhagen: "Ho ho! Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!"

THE END