I wonder where she's gone.

     "You're going away, Reno?" Like mommy?"

   "No, not like mommy. Not forever. Just for awhile. I have to work so that I can come back and get you."

     "You mean you'll come back?"

    "Of course."

    I didn't know... Didn't know what I was getting myself into... None of us knew... Then...

     "You mean you'll come back?"

    I did, didn't I? I came back...even if...even if it was just to say good-bye.

    "You have a change to succeed and I'll only be in your way."

    "I don't *care*. I need you, Reno."

    I need you too... I don't think...Mom meant for us to ever be apart.

    "I'll miss you, Reno."

    I do miss you... I don't how I ever... I don't know how I ever left...

   "I love you, Reno. You're my *brother* for god sake."

    I love you too, Trini. That's why... That's why I had to leave you behind. Even with what I have now, I still have a feeling, a horrible, horrible feeling...

    I'm not the boy you knew.

    I'm not the boy *I* knew.

    Now I'm...

    I'm someone else entirely...

    I'm not sure who I am sometimes...

    What my indentity is.

   "I'll come find you. I won't let you do this, Reno. I know you don't want this. I know."

    Even with all those years apart you knew me well...

    But I don't even know myself anymore...

    It's as if I never was myself to begin with.

    Was I trying to prove something?

    To myself?

    Or to someone else?

    "I love you, Reno."

    I wanted to say I loved you too. I wanted to cry. But I couldn't.

    I don't know who I am...

    He woke up with a start, a man drowing in his own blankets. The sweat was dripping down his face, and he was shaking.

    But although he sat and thought for an entire hour before hitting the pillows again, Reno couldn't remember why.

    Wearily the blonde rubbed his eyes and looked around. But he wasn't even in the room.

    He dressed, slipping on some shorts and stepping into a pair of shoes. He went to the door and peered out.

    Rufus was standing there, leaning against the balcony railing, a PHS in hand. He was staring at the sun.

    "Rufus..." Cloud joined him, squinting in the light. "Are you all right?"

    "I'm fine." His voice was nearly monotone, but there was a curve that told Cloud he was speaking the truth.

    Cloud indicated to the phone. "Did you make a call?"

    "No," Rufus said evenly. "I got one."

    "Oh? From who?"

    The name almost got caught in his throat. "Madeline."

    Cloud froze, not wanting to press further, but being unable to hold back. "...What did she have to say?"

    "She said she would take me back." His tone hadn't changed, his eyes hadn't shifted. He was still staring hard, into the sun.

    The other man could feel his heart freeze in his chest. "I--I assume you said yes."

    "No." The word fell like a ton of bricks, crashing upon the floor.

    Cloud's nerves jumped. "W-why."

    Rufus turned, finally. He looked at Cloud, his face as desolate as a sandy desert, and said, "Because she said I would have to change my name."

    "Change your name? So you..."

    "So I wouldn't be Rufus Shinra anymore." Still his tone didn't change. "So I could run away--be a coward. Just like everyone expects me to be."

    "Oh, Rufus..." he sighed.

    "I won't be a coward," Rufus insisted, voice beginning to shake under the weight he was placing upon it with his tone. "I won't back away from who I am. I don't want to run. Not now. Not when I have a chance to clear my name. Show everyone who I really am. And I *am* Rufus Shinra."

    Cloud allowed the other man to retreat into his arms, and he held him close, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. "It's always hard..." he whispered, cradling the other man, "to be yourself. But it's harder..." he continued, lowering his voice and letting his breath whisper over the other man's ear, "to *know* who you are." He paused a moment, breathing softly before he whispered, barely, "I love you, Rufus."

    Rufus Shinra squeezed his eyes shut, forcing himself to remember just why he had made the right decision.

    "Reeve! I am taking the boys out shopping with me for the afternoon. I won't be back till tonight. You have all afternoon, and you'd better do it."

    "Bria, I would feel better doing this if you told me how *you* felt."

    "Can't we talk about this later?!"

    "This is no reason to start arguing!"

    "This is no *time* to start arguing, Reeve!" She sighed, pausing to get her breath back. "Tell him. It's for the best."

    "Bria!!"

    But she was already gone.

    Reeve was shaking.

    He was trembling beyond his control, wringing his hands and replaying the previous PHS conversation Bria had forced him to make.

    "Tseng?"

    "Reeve?"

    "Yeah, it's me."

    "Reeve, is something wrong?"

    "No... Uh... Can you come over?"

    "When?"

    "Now. Please."

    "All right, Reeve. Are you sure nothing's wrong?"

    "Yes. I'm fine. Really. I just....need to talk to you."

    "All right. I'll be by in a few minutes."

    That was a few minutes ago.

    And now he was shaking and trembling, not having a clue what to say, or what to do when the man he loved walked through that door.

    And he wondered if this was all a good idea.

    And he wondered if Bria was still in love...

    A knock at the door made him leap in fear, and he took a deep breath, forcing himself to calm down. Then he opened the door.

    Tseng looked beautiful.

    He wore dark blue jeans, a black t-shirt, and a blue windbreaker jacket. His black hair was gently tousled by the wind. His skin was pale, absolutely flawless. Reeve had the urge to sink to his knees, grab the other man around the waist and confess every feeling he had forced away all those years. But he managed to compose himself and he stepped aside with a half smile. "Come in."

    Tseng did, looking a bit unsure. "Where's Bria?"

    Shutting the door, the older man turned, once more wringing his sweaty palms. "She's not here. I need to takl to you. ALONE."

    He blinked, slightly cocking his head to one side. "Reeve. Are you *sure* there's nothing wrong."

    "Yes," he assured his friend once again. "Look, maybe you better sit down."

    Wordlessly, Tseng took a seat on the couch, making himself comfortable before directing his full attention to his friend.

    This is *it*. The moment you always prevented. It's *here*. No turning back now, Reeve. Taking a breath, he moved forward, avoiding eye contact as he began his confession. "Tseng... I... I... I kept something from you when we were in Shinra." Stopping, he finally turned and met eyes, panicking slightly when his friend raised an inquistive eyebrow. "And I... I wouldn't be surprised if you were mad at me, or never wanted to speak to me again. I'm horrible. Horrible, horrible. I should have told you a long time ago. But I'm just a coward. I'm such a coward, Tseng." His voice was shaking and he had the overwhelming urge to cry. Somehow, he managed not to. "Sometimes I really hate myself."

    Tseng stood then, coming to Reeve and taking him firmly by the shoulders. "Reeve, stop it. Nothing can be that horrible. I love you... Relax." Gently he brushed some hair off the older man's forehead, and Reeve whimpered at the tenderness of the action.

    "Tseng, I...." They met eyes, *locked* eyes, and for that moment Reeve was completely lost in what he had lost and what he had found. The words flowed, breathy, sounding almost like a sigh. "......I love you."

    Tseng didn't bat an eye. "I know, Reeve. You're my best friend."

    "No." The word was stern, and he backed the young man up until he was sitting once more on the couch. "No... No, I..." he kneeled, putting a hand on the knee of his love. "Tseng... I... I really *love* you." Voice finally steady, he was still staring into those black eyes as he spoke. "I *love* you. I've been in love with you since you were a kid in Shinra, but I didn't realize it until we were together and every time you touched me I felt this incredible *surge*, and every time I touched you, I never wanted to stop." He was beginning to stutter, a rim of water forming around his eyes. "Tseng..." A trembling hand cupped a pale perfect face. "Tseng, my darling, what I'm trying to say is I love you......like you....love me."

    Black eyes blinked once. Twice. Then he spoke, questioning. "Those times you got drunk and kissed me?"

    "Excuses to kiss you and blame it on the alcohol." He took one limp hand in his.

    "Why you're so mean to Ben?"

    "Raging jealousy." Took the other hand.

    "All the casual touching?"

    "Ways to get closer to you." He pressed a kiss to one hand.

    "Why you never made love to me and always insisted I fuck you?"

    "To maintain my reputation only. I can't explain how badly I wanted to take you." He could feel his friend's hands shaking.

    Again Tseng blinked. "Oh my god..." he whispered, voice consumed in complete amazement. "You... You really do love me... Sephiroth was right... You do... You do love me..."

    "A-are you mad?" Reeve asked hesitantly. Rushing, he continued, "if you are, I don't blame you. I'm a fool. You should yell at me. If--"

    "Reeve." Tseng cut him off neatly, cupping the other man's face in his now free hand and forcing their eyes to meet. "I--I think I knew."

    He was breathless. "What?"

    "When--when we were together, it was incredible. You did all these things for me that I never expected from you--*ever*. And sometimes, it would feel, for a moment, like you really did love me," he smiled a little, shaking his head as he continued. "Most of it was wishful thinking, I know." Releasing REeve, he stood up, wandering a bit as he spoke. "But in another way, I am upset. And I am confused." He turned, eyes wet. "You left me for her because she could go against Shinra, right? Fuck." He hung his head. "God damn Shinra. It ruined the best thing in my life... The only thing I ever wanted..." Tseng cried quietly, putting a hand to his eyes.

    "Oh, Tseng..." Standing, Reeve went to him. "I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about her....and you...and Shinra--that was all I thought about then. We thought alike, she and I. I needed her to give me the encouragement you couldn't. But..." Quietly he came up behind his friend, placing hands on his shoulders and sighing as the younger man leaned back into him. "But there's no more Shinra now. I had so much emotion in that....but that's all gone now." Reeve hesitated slightly before leanign forward and whispering in his friend's ear. "I was madly in love with you before I hated Shinra--and my feelings have only grown stronger."

   But Tseng stepped away, a stray tear slipping down his cheek. "Don't tell me you regret marrying Bria."

    Reeve swallowed the lump in his throat, fighting tears of his own. "I regret losing you."

    Tseng broke down, covering his face with his hands as he wept. Taking him by the shoulders, Reeve led him to the couch and had him sit, sitting besides him, the older man gently brought his friend's hands away from his eyes and cleared his forehead of stray hair. "I love you."

    "Does Bria know?" Tseng sniffed.

    "She knows."

    "And?"

    "She doesn't care. I... I think she's in love with someone else." He frowned.

    "I can't have you," Tseng sighed unhappily, wiping the last of his tears away. "It's like a dream come true--all I've ever wanted was your love, and you're with someone else."

    "I.....I don't know what's going to happen. But I love you, Tseng. And I don't ever want to be away from you. Not ever again."

    Sadly, Tseng rested his head on his friend's shoulder, feeling a comforting arm tighten around his shoulders. "We can't always get what we want, Reeve. ...But sometimes we do."

    Leaning over, Reeve kissed the top of his head. "I love you. I know I've said it a million times, but I think it's the only way I could make it up to you."

    The younger man lifted his head, looking up into his friend's dark green eyes. "I love you too, Reeve. You know I do."

    Leaning further, their foreheads met and Reeve whispered, "I'm going to seperate from Bria."

    Black eyes widened ever so slightly. "No, Reeve... Don't wreck a perfectly good marriage."

    "You're the one I want," he kept his voice low. "She's still in love with Rufus. I know she is. I think... I think we both messed up when we married one another. But things were different then. I felt differently. I didn't want to lose the one person I had give up *you* for. That made me want her *more*."

    Tseng let out a shuddered breath. "I'd be a horrible liar if I said I didn't want to be with you, Reeve. I do want to. I never want to let you go."

    "Let me kiss you," he begged. "Please."

    "If you're sure that's what you--" he began. But Reeve cut him off by drawing him into a passionate kiss, cupping the back of his head in his hand. Tseng's eyes closed immediately, and he moaned softly as Reeve urged him to lay back, his head on the arm rest. Reeve kissed him gently yet insistantly, keeping them short, but overwhelmingly passionate as their lips and tongues rediscovered what they had once thought they had forever lost.

    "Oh, Reeve," he sighed lightly before his lips were covered one more. Their kisses became overrun with passion, longer and even desperate as their arms wound tightly around one another. But as Tseng's skin tingled at the feeling of a hand creeping under his shirt, he very unwillingly pulled away, pressing a hand to the other man's chest. "Don't, Reeve. We'd better stop here. You're still with Bria. We shouldn't even be kissing."

    With a sigh, Reeve shook his head slightly. "I know. I know you're right.... I... I just want you so badly, I don't know how I don't strip you right now and take you."

    Closing his eyes and letting out a shuddered breath, the younger man mumbled, "Get off me, please, before I let you do just that."

    And they both sat up, putting some distance between them.

    Reeve said, "This is making me crazy."

    "Don't make any mistakes, Reeve."

    "What?" he looked at his friend.

    "Don't do anything you'll regret." Tseng's black eyes were still focused dead ahead. "Make sure you really know what you want before you act. Don't ruin what you have for nothing."

    "For nothing?" exclaimed the other man in shock. "Don't you *dare* say that! It's you I've always wanted! You were my first love. And my one true love." Finally the younger man turned his head. "I made my mistake when I gave you up. I'm not going to make another. Not when it comes to you. I'll give you my life. I'll give you whatever you want. I never thought it was possible to feel this strong about anyone. Tseng, I--"

    He was cut off as the younger man leaned forward and gently pressed a kiss to his lips. "Reeve," he said softly, "whatever makes you happy."

    "You make me happy," Reeve replied, reaching out and taking the other man's hand, gently interwining their fingers. He then brought that hand to his lips, never breaking the consistant eye contact he had with the other man. Kissing the hand of his friend, he said once again, "I love you."

    And it was then Tseng began to cry.

    The sun was setting, painting the sky with vivid colors.

    He wasn't watching.

    "Reno?" Rude stepped out, sunglasses on as always. "Whatcha doin' man?"

    "Thinking," he answered in an uncharacteristically soft tone.

    Rude spoke not a word as he too sat down. "Nice night."

    "Yeah." There was a beat. "Rude?"

    "Yeah?"

    "Remember that time... That time I tried to kill myself?"

    "Yeah...."

    "How did you cry?"

    Rude furrowed his brow, removing his sunglasses. "What? I was *sad*, Reno."

    The red head put his head down, resting on his knees. "I wish it was that simple." Then he looked at his friend. "I wish I was more like you, Rude."

    Putting his sunglasses back on, Rude looked out, out over the horizon. "Reno... There are a lot of things you don't know about me..."

    But the two friends left it at that.

    Tseng returned back to his room later that evening, but it was as if he didn't exist. He certainly didn't feel like this world could be real, that those words could be real, and that this world wasn't just another dream--it wasn't just another dream. And he wasn't going to wake up.

    He came in quietly, went over to the bed, and sat on it.

    Ben took off his glasses, got up from where he had been sitting at the desk, and silently came over to his friend's side, and sat next to him. "What happened," he said gently.

    "He loves me," he answered, voice still full of wonder. "Reeve's in love with me." Turning, he met the other man's eyes. "It doesn't feel real. Not at all."

    The older man put an arm around his shoulders and squeezed him reassuringly. "How are you feeling?"

    "I don't know... Happy? Weird?? Confused? Sad even? Is there a word that combines all of those?"

    "I don't think so." Ben tried to meet his eyes. "Are you upset?"

    The former Turk barely shook his head no. No, he wasn't. "I'm still... Still thinking about it... I feel like I have a million things to sort out." Turning back to Ben he asked, "You knew?"

    He nodded, once. "Reeve told me. Last night."

    "It's just...just like Sephiroth said..."

    "What?"

    "Nothing...."

    "You're not okay, are you." It wasn't a question.

    Tseng shook his head, once more averting his gaze. "I feel... I feel like I've done something horrible."

    "Horrible?" he was taken back by the statement. "You've done nothing wrong."

    "I came back, didn't I?" They met eyes again.

    "Tseng... What are you getting at?" The question was hesistant.

    "Reeve says that Bria's still in love with Rufus..... But... I wonder how sure he is of that... If I had never come back..." he spoke haltingly, ".......I broke them up."

    "Stop it. You didn't," Ben insisted. "You didn't break them up, Tseng. Reeve's in love with you. He can't ignore that. You know how that feels."

    He shut his eyes, shutting out the world, and leaned to put his head on Ben's shoulder. "I never would have come back if I thought this would happen. I didn't come back to mess everything up. That's the last thing I wanted to happen."

    "You didn't mess anything up, Tseng! Don't you understand how happy Reeve is to have you back in his life?"

    But Tseng didn't answer.

    "Reeve." She peeked in, hesitantly. "Are you alone."

    "Yes," he sighed, turning on his side. "Of course I am."

    "Of course?" she questioned, coming into the room. "Did you tell him?"

    "Yes, he just left."

    "And?"

    "*And*? ...I don't really know what he's feeling right now."

    She sat on the edge of the bed, looking over at him. "What do you mean?"

    "He was very quiet... I..." he met her eyes, almost scared to say it. "I think it was because of you."

    "He's a good guy," she looked away. "You can't question the honor of a Turk."

    "Don't call him that." He rolled over onto his stomach. "I don't want to think of him as what he was. It never should have been that way." Reeve observed his wife for a moment. "Where were you all day?"

    "I was thinking," she spoke softly, her eyes glazed over with a faraway look.

    "I'm sorry, Bria."

    "It wasn't about you... ...I should be honest with you, Reeve... I think this was all for the best..."

    As soon as the words hit his ears, he sat up. "You're still in love--still in love with Rufus, aren't you." It wasn't a question.

    Her voice wavered. "I...I can't help it..."

    "Oh, Bria..." he sighed, reaching out to put an uneasy hand on her shoulder. "Oh, Bria, I'm so sorry. This is my fault. I fought for you--I fought for you with everything I had because I had given up so much for you. I couldn't let you get away...not when...not when...oh god, I am so selfish!" he cried, covering his face in shame. "I never think of anyone but myself! Who am I trying to fool?!"

    "Stop it, Reeve." She turned, took him in her arms and allowed him to rest his head on her shoulder. "I do love you. I do. It's just...with Rufus...I can't even explain."

    "I know how you feel," he whispered.

    "I wonder if he feels the same."

    "He does. And right now he needs you. He needs you *very* much."

    "Reeve," she said gently, lifting his head and forcing their eyes to meet. "You know what this means."

    "I....I'm glad this is mutual. I wouldn't leave you if you needed me, Bria. No matter how much..."

    "Shush, Reeve, I know." She stroked his face with a gentle smile. "It will all be okay. We'll work it out. And we'll all be happy." Holding him close again she said, "I'll always love you, Reeve."

    "And I'll always love you, Bria... I'm... I'm sorry. I'm sorry I stole you away from your true love."

    "Oh, stop it, Reeve." She held him even closer. "I did the same thing, didn't I?"

    He didn't answer.

    "I want you to go to him."

    "What?"

    "This is over now. We're seperated. Go to him. Show him how you feel."

    "Oh, Bria," he sighed.

    She seperated from him, stepping away and standing up. "I'll be fine."

    "I can't leave you alone. Not with the kids like this."

    "I'll be fine," she insisted. "They sleep soundly. You know they do."

    "What are you going to do about Rufus?"

    "......I know he's with Cloud..."

    "I'll talk to him," Reeve promised. "I know...I know what he's going through."

    She nodded, once, not looking at him. "Please, go, Reeve. Don't let anything hold you back. I need to think right now."

    Reeve went to the door, then stopped, turning back to her. "Are you sure?"

    She said, "Reeve, don't question what you know is right."

    And without another thought, he left.

    I don't know what to do now, he thought. I don't know what's going to happen. I didn't think this would happen. Neither did Tseng. But nothing's getting messed up. Everything was messed up to begin with. Now....it only seems messed up because we're sorting things out...

    A knock at the door disturbed his thoughts. He got up and answered it.

    It was Reeve, stone faced, his form bathed in moonlight. "Hi, Ben."

    "He's lying down," Ben said simply, cutting out the formalities and shooting right to the core. "I'll get him for you. I know he wants to see you."

    The older man went to walk away, but Reeve caught his arm. "Ben---Bria and I just seperated."

    Ben's eyes widened. "Oh my god... She really was... With Rufus...?"

    Reeve nodded. "We're going to get divorced, just after we...sort things out."

    Glancing from the bedroom door to Reeve and back, Ben stared at the room where the man he loved was lying with a sigh. "Of course. It's him you want."

    "I'm sorry, Ben," Reeve said quietly.

    "Don't be sorry." He was still turned away. "He wants you. Right now he's just feeling a little guilty." Heading for the door he added, "I'll make myself scarce. I'll go stay the night in Reno's room."

    "Oh, you--" started Reeve.

    Ben stopped and looking at him insistantly. "Oh yes. Yes I do."

    "Thank you, Ben," Reeve sighed.

    "I only want what's best for him," Ben said, knocking on the door. "And that's you."

    "Yes?" Tseng's voice called, softly.

    "Can you come out here?" Ben's voice was equally soft.

    "Just a minute."

    He grabbed his wallet, grabbed his coat, and headed for the door. Reeve stood silent, saying nothing, and as Ben passed him on his way out he said evenly, "Don't apoligize. Not to me. You never took anything away from me, Reeve. He doesn't love me. And that's that."

    Reeve's mouth opened to reply, but he couldn't. With a small smile, Ben stepped outside, and he shut the door.

    Reeve was only alone for a moment.

    The former Turk looked a bit unruly, a bit tired as he peered in the smaller room, spotting Reeve immediatly. "Oh... Oh god..."

    "Tseng..." Reeve took a step, then stopped. "Is this okay? Do you want me to leave?"

    Shaking his head, Tseng admitted quietly, "No, Reeve. No, I'd never want you to leave."

    "Bria and I are seperated," he blurted out. "She's still in love with Rufus, just as I thought. ...We're going to get divorced once we... She wanted me to come here," he continued after trailing off. "And I needed to come here. I *needed* to."

    "I..." Tseng's voice shook, and his hand shook as well, as he ran it through his hair. "I...I want to know *why*, Reeve. Why are you here?"

    "Because I...I want to be with you..." he admitted softly. "And I want to know what you want."

    "When you say that," he asked cautiously, his voice still trembling, "what do you mean?"

    "It means I want to take you in my arms," Reeve spoke, his own voice failing him, "and never leave you again."

    "I never want to be away from you, Reeve." A single tear slipped down his cheek. "I love you."

    "And I love you," Reeve answered, taking another step. "And I *want* you. I want to show you how I feel."

    "Oh... Oh god..." Tseng couldn't hold back anymore, and he went flying into Reeve's arms, grabbing him around the waist and holding him tight, placing frantic kisses on his neck and shoulders, despite the impediment of clothing.

    "Oh, my darling!" he exclaimed, kissing his lover's head. "Oh, my darling..." He shed a tear of his own.

    Tseng looked up, making eye contact. "I love you, Reeve."

    "And I love you," Reeve assured him, shedding further tears.

    "Oh, Reeve, don't cry, I'll never leave you again, I promise." He licked each of the foreign tears away, his hand stroking up and down Reeve's back.

    "And I'll always be with you," Reeve promised. He cupped the younger man's face in his hands, resting their foreheads against one anothers. "And now...now I'm going to show you how I feel...just like...just like you always wanted." He could feel the other man tremble.

    Tseng reached up and kissed him, bringing their lips, tongues, and bodies together, as the world around them faded away. And as Reeve proved that night, as he worshipped his lover's body properly, they didn't need the world at all, as long as they had each other.

    The younger man sighed and moaned lightly in his sleep, wrapping his arms more tightly around his lover. Reeve smiled and kissed the top of his head, accidently waking him up. Black eyes flickered open, and took a moment to adjust to his surroundings. Then he looked up, squinting as he muttered, "Oh, it wasn't a dream."

    "No, thank god it was real." Reeve kissed his forehead and told him, "I love you."

    "I love you too." Tseng sat up a little. "Reeve, last night was *perfect*."

    "I thought so too." His fingers brushed up and down the younger man's sides.

    "I-I just want you to make sure it's me you want," he said nervously. He continued as Reeve took his hand and held it in his own. "She can give you children, Reeve. And as much as I wish I could, I can't give you that. You won't be able to show affection in public, and what are you going to say when people ask who your significant other is, and--"

    "Shush, shush, Tseng..." Reeve held a finger to the younger man's lips, stopping his speech. "First of all, I have children. And all I want from you is *you*. And I will *happily* hold your hand and kiss you in public, because I love you, and I don't care who knows it. And if anyone asks who my significant other is, I will gladly tell them it's another man, because I refuse to hide the fact that I'm bisexual any longer. And if they accept it, fine, they should in this day and age. And if not, then I don't want to be friends with them anyway." He held Tseng closer, and kissed his forehead, then nipped quickly at his lips. "I've changed, Tseng. I'm not the idiotic, moronic closet case I once was. I hope I can convince you of that."

    Tseng smiled, the expression tugging at the end of his mouth. "I think you just did. I couldn't believe it's true, but it is," he watched as Reeve took his hand and began to affectionately kiss his fingers. "Everything that I thought couldn't happen, is happening. Everything that I convinced myself was impossible, is possible. In so many ways, my mind is still not able to process this."

    "I still can't actually believe you're here." He took Tseng's hand firmly in his own and looked up at Tseng. "Tseng? When you tried to kill yourself...was it just for me...or was there another reason?"

    There was a breif hesitance. "To pay," he said simply. "I thought I deserved it. Sometimes I think I still do."

    "For the people you killed?" questioned Reeve softly. "Oh, darling, that wasn't your fault. Shinra *made* you do it. That was no choice of your own."

    "I know. I know, but in another way, I was willing, wasn't I? I could have not taken the job, I could have went back to the streets. But no. I chose to kill people for happniess. But Shinra didn't make me very happy, did it?" He sighed,  sounding as if he was trying to remove a weight from his shoulders. "And I would probably do it again--how's that for selfishness?"

    "If you didn't kill them, someone else would have," Reeve pointed out. "And at least you felt sorry afterwards."

    "I was a terrible Turk."
 
    "That's what made you the best."

    "The company didn't know it."

    "Screw the company." Reeve bundled his lover close, stroking a hand through his hair. "Tseng, without Shinra, I probably would have never met you. That's the only good thing Shinra ever did for me. And I tried, I tried to fix what I had done. And you tried--you tried too."

    "I don't feel like it's enough. But I don't know what the answer is." He snuggled closer to Reeve. "I would never let myself die again. Not now....not now that I have you. And I've made my promise--that I'll never leave you again."

    Reeve took that oppertunity to kiss him, deep enough to shut out the world again.

    When the world returned, Tseng let out a quiet little moan, and his eyes remained shut as he smiled. "Oh yes. Never again."

    "Sweetie, can I talk to you about something?"

    "Anything."

    "...It's about Rufus."

    "Oh?" He snuggled up to Reeve again. "Is something wrong?"

    "I caught him making out....with Cloud Strife."

    Tseng sat up, eyes widening. "Rufus? Cloud? Making out?" He blinked. "No."

    "Exactly my reaction. I must have looked like an idiot standing there, staring, but it just caught me by surprise. I know Rufus, and he's not... I could tell. He didn't even look happy."

    "Tell me what's on your mind, darling."

    Reeve had to smile. Tseng did know him well. "Cloud has feelings for Rufus, and he must have told him so. Rufus' girlfriend dumped him because of his last name, and he probably felt abandoned--something I can relate to. He needed someone to love him, so, enter Cloud. Situation sound familiar?"
 
    "All too much. On too many levels. ...I don't think he's thinking of Cloud's feelings."

    "Exactly," Reeve agreed. "That's why we should talk to him. Let him let Cloud down easy, and then...he can go with Bria. Because I'm sure he still loves her."

    "All right. I really haven't had the chance to talk to Rufus since I got here... He seems to have changed."

    Reeve smiled, stroking the younger man's chest. "You have Bria to thank for that."

    "As soon as we actually get *up* we can go talk to him." Tseng snuggled back into Reeve's arms. "But that might be awhile off."

    "Oh yes, quite awhile," Reeve mumbled, nuzzling him.

    "Mmm...darling, I have another question." He kept nuzzling like a contented cat.

    "Mmm...what's that, beloved?"

    "....Where are we going to go?"

    "We can live in the apartment above the bar until things between Bria and I are settled." He kissed the side of his lover's head once more.

    "We," Tseng repeated with a smile. "I like the way that sounds."

    Reeve smiled too and leaned in to kiss him. "Yeah. Me too."