Twenty years felt like a hundred. Rufus took a few sleeping pills, rubbed his bleary eyes and stumbled towards his bed, stripping off his clothing. The pills worked quickly, he knew, and was very glad of it. Sleep was a most welcome escape, and he most certainly needed it. Sure, poor little rich boy, crying over his millions. Rufus wasn't crying over money. He didn't give a damn about it. He was a poor little neglected rich boy, who for twenty years had no one to love him, and for twenty years had no one to love.

    Curling up in the comfort of the fetal position, his blue eyes blinked closed easily, giving himself to the world of the unconscious.

    There he was again as a child, smiling, laughing. He was with someone, someone older. Tall......silver hair....who?? He couldn't see the face, but he seemed to really like whoever it was.

    A loud knocking at his bedroom door woke him. The noise dragged him out of his pleasant world and back into reality. Eyes open, he didn't move. If only he could have had a minute more. A minute more away from life meant so much.

    There was no desire to live this day, only a want--a physical need--to crawl under those covers and dream away his life. Dream away his life in a better place.

    "Master Rufus? Are you up, sir?"

    Rufus groaned, knowing he had to get up, but not having the heart for it. "In a minute..."

   What do I have to do today? See people *he* doesn't want to be bothered with? Well I don't want to be bothered with them either. I know....I'll fake sick. Won't be hard, considering every time I think of getting up my stomach turns and my head spins. I'll stay in bed....asleep...a few more pills and I'll be out for the day...

    "Master Rufus?"

    "I'm not feeling well today. I have a headache." He got out of bed and reached for the pills. "Cancel my appointments."

    "Very well, sir." There was a hesitation. "Do you wish to see a doctor?"

    He swallowed his passport to happiness. "No. I wish to be left alone."

    "Yes, sir."

    And he was.

    Crawling back into his bed, the young man smiled, thoroughly content as he lay back upon the pillows. Left alone....he could stay almost as long as he wanted....

    He fell asleep

    And dreamt

    The same old simple scenes of happiness, smiles and laughter. Things other people took for granted. Things he never really had....

    It was too good to be true, and he knew it, even as he dreamt it. But it didn't matter. Everything was so real somehow. Real because he could see it. Real because he could hear it. It was all close enough, within his grasp, and all he needed was enough.

    He woke again, and rolled over on his back. Briefly he wondered what time it was, but the thought quickly was pushed from his mind. He could hear voices outside. People who wanted to talk to him probably. There were always a few. It was though he was a fucking charity. I hate this world. Everything runs on the dollar, and my father encourages it. He's a bastard. But if I could, I would change it. Till that day, if it ever comes, I'll stay here. My dreams put this existence to shame.

    Rufus rolled over and closed his eyes. A new thought struck him. If I could ever make my dreams come true, I'd never need to sleep so badly again....and I wouldn't waste so many sleeping pills...

    This time he drifted off without any aids.

    Could it be he was still tired?

    Tired of what?

    Of the money?

    Of the suck ups?

    Of his father hating him?

    Or was he just tired of dealing with himself?

    Asleep again.

    Again he dreamed

    And smiled.

    There were no worries.

    No problems.

    No abandonment.

    No loneliness.

    Only simple happiness.

    But oh, if it was that simple...

    ...why couldn't he find it? Why couldn't he really *live*?

    Was there something he didn't understand? If only....

    If only...

    If only he could find it...

    Find that secret...

    Then he could live.

    He sat straight up in bed with a gasp, breathing hard. Now he was awake.