Sephiroth mumbled in his sleep and held me closer, purring in my ear. "Get your machine, Tseng."

    Mumbling unhappily, I reached onto my beside table and picked up my PHS, pressing the button and putting it into my ear. "Hello?" I barely sounded awake.

    "Tseng? Did I wake you up?"

    "Hey, Reeve, hey." In a second I was wide awake and sitting up. "Is something wrong?"

    "Is something wrong?" Sephiroth sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and batting long silver locks away from his eyes.

    I shushed the older man with a wave of my hand. "Reeve?"

    "....was that Sephiroth?" Reeve's voice seemed hesitant.

    "Yeah..." I answered uncertainly, unsure as to why he cared. I got up and reached for my discarded clothes as I talked. "Is something wrong, Reeve?"

    "I---" he cut himself off with a pause and a sigh. "Um....I was wondering if we could talk? --In person."

    "Yeah," I replied surely, trying to step into my boxers using only one hand. I almost fell, but I leaned on a shelf and gave up on it. "Yeah, of course. I'll be in your office in a few minutes, all right?"

    "Thank you so much."

    "Any time." And with those words, I hung up, then paused, thinking for a moment.

    "He's at work already?" my master was sitting up on his elbow, peering at me from where he was lounging on the bed.

    "Yeah..." I answered absently, picking up my boxers and having a second go at it. "He's still upset."

    "Oh....about the factory."

    Here is where I will stop and explain. Two years had passed since I told Reeve how I felt about him. Two whole years, and I had never breathed the words to him again. Sometimes it was so hard, especially when he was so depressed. Those were the times I wanted to reassure him the most, but I kept my promise. Reeve knew how I felt. He didn't need to hear it again. Not unless he asked.

    Now I was twenty. I knew I wasn't old, but I couldn't help but feel old. This was because at the tender age of twenty, I was now the head of the Turks organization. And when I say I'm the head, I don't mean I got Heidegger's job. Oh no, he was still in his position where I guessed he would never move from. It meant I was the lead Turk. Which meant I got to make some decisions for myself, and it also meant I had to train the new Turks.

    Yes, there were two new Turks. Shinra had forced my superiors into retirement, saying they were too old and they needed younger men in the Turks organization. So, we needed to find two new potential Turks, under the age of sixteen, who had the skills we were looking for.

    First, there was Reno. Reno was a scrawny red-headed kid from the slums of Midgar. He was a good kid, a little obnoxious and a bit of a big mouth, but he had a good heart. We found him after he killed his uncle in self defense. According to Reno his uncle had beat his mother to death and was going to get rid of him too when the fifteen year old stabbed him with a knife in the chest. The kid was pretty upset at the loss of his mother, and did not take the news of putting his younger sister into an orphanage well either, but he'd recovered well, and was on his way to becoming an excellent Turk, even if I had to remind him to keep his mouth shut once in awhile. I had already let Heidegger beat the shit out of me to show them what the Turks were all about. I was still bruised, but I know the point had gotten to Reno. He was much more obedient now, and he still asked me every day if I was all right.

    Then there was Rude. To be honest, none of us were sure that was even his real name. Rude was the reason Reeve was so upset. Rude had destroyed Reeve's factory.

    Reeve had been assigned to build a factory for Shinra in Junon, and he was very excited about the project. After all, he had just been sitting on his ass for a long time, and now he would get to construct something again. After all, I knew he wasn't proud of Midgar at all anymore. So he had nothing to show for himself. With the factory project, he had renewed hope. But then when it was almost completed, this Rude kid went and blew it up. A lot of the workers would have been killed, and Reeve would have been too, had I not saved him. It still brought chills to my spine whenever I thought about it. Imagining if Reeve had died. What made it worse was that I *knew* someone at Shinra had given Rude this assignment so he could get into the Turks. There were three things about this situation that bothered me. First of all, I wondered why Rude wanted to get into the Turks on purpose in the first place. No one had ever purposely tried to get into the Turks. Not until him. Second of all, this meant someone had been out to get Reeve. I knew now that whoever that was had been satisfied with the explosion and would cause no other harm to him, but I still wondered who was it that could be out to get *Reeve*. He hadn't done anything to anyone. And finally, and this bothered me the most, why would Shinra sacrifice their own people to do this? How cruel and cold hearted where they, that they would sacrifice lives to get back at an executive? It made me think twice about my job. But then again a lot of things did.

    That's why I was so cold to Rude. I didn't know what that kid was thinking. It was wrong to dwell on what might have happened, but without Reeve, I couldn't live. So until I knew why Rude had done what he had done, I was very wary of him. So far he had given me no trouble. He was mostly quiet and followed my every order without question. When it came down to it, he was a better Turk than Reno. I just could not find it in my heart to trust him. But Reno liked it. There was something he liked about the stoic, bald fifteen year old, and they had became friends rather quickly. But I wasn't really friends with either of them. I was their boss. And I trained them the best that I could without even thinking twice about it. Whatever Shinra wanted to do, Shinra did. It was just my job to make sure I did as I was told.

    But despite a few doubts, and about Reeve's almost constant depression, I wasn't doing too badly. Reeve and I were as close as ever, and I had Sephiroth to go to whenever I required intimate contact. Still, there was something missing, and I knew it was always be missing as long as I couldn't love Reeve the way I wanted to.

    "Yeah, the factory," I answered Sephiroth as I slipped my shirt over my shoulders, coming over in front of my full length mirror. "He's still upset, and I don't blame him. If I just knew why the hell that Rude kid did it. More than that, I wanna know who put him up to it." I sneered at my own reflection.

    "Why? So you can doubt the authority you take your orders from?" Sephiroth shook his head. "You're not supposed to question what's done around here, Tseng. No one knows that more than you do."

    I sighed, buttoning up my shirt. "I know... But when I'm off duty, I feel myself questioning everything, it's like..." I trailed off as I realized I was going no where. "Nothing." I picked up my tie.

    "You're afraid of that kid, aren't you? ...Aren't you, Venustas?"

    I froze in place, my tie only half done. It was because Sephiroth was right. I, the head of the Turks, who was afraid of nothing, was afraid of his own trainee. "...Maybe I am." I finished my tie and fixed my hair. "But can you blame me?" Turning to Sephiroth I reminded him of the worst part of the story. The part I kept thinking about. "Reeve could have been killed. *Then* where would I be? I-I know that's something I *shouldn't* dwell on, but I can't help it. Now every time I look at him, I think about how I could have lost him because of my own Turk! How am I supposed to feel? All I want to know is *why*. That's it. It would make me feel a whole lot better." I bent to retrieve my jacket.

    "So ask him," Sephiroth said bluntly, staring at me with those piercing green eyes.

    Putting on my jacket, I gave myself another once over in the mirror. "...I'm afraid of what he'll say."

    "You don't have a choice." Sephiroth got out of bed and began to pick up his own clothing. "You have to ask him, or you'll never feel comfortable around your comrade. Your Turks. You have to trust one another." He sighed, eyes on me again. "It's amazing that all these years later, I'm still teaching you."

    I couldn't answer right away, so I simply turned my back to him. "I'm still young," I reminded him a moment later. "Even though I sometimes forget myself." More confident, I turned back to him. "I better go to him.... I'll see you later?"

    My master shook his head. "It's been three days straight this week, little one--you coming to me. Not that I mind the sex, but you're frustrated, and you don't know how to deal with it. You want Reeve unbelievably bad, don't you. I've never seen you so sexually frustrated."

    I ran a hand through my hair, sighing because I knew he was right. "Well....it's because....something kind of...happened....when we were in Junon....and....it's just made everything worse."

    Sephiroth dropped the clothes he had been holding. "Tseng.... What happened in Junon?"

    ".......this was after the building had blown up....and we had one more day before returning to Midgar.... Reeve and I had been sharing a room since Shinra was being cheap.... ...So there we were...that last night..." My mind drifted back...

  I was packing. My last suitcase was nearly full, and then I could turn in for the night. Suddenly I was completely exhausted.

    Reeve was digging through the cabinets, whining and looking for liquor. On his bed was a half packed suitcase and clothes strewn about. On his face were the tracks of the tears he had just finished crying. Reeve was upset, and he didn't know how to deal with it.

    "You think they would have SOMETHING," he was complaining, slamming the last cabinet shut. "What kind of hotel is this?"

    I close my suitcase with a sigh and looked at him longingly. "Reeve..." That had to have been the thousandth time I had spoken his name that day. I had nothing to say, mostly because I knew not how to comfort him. After all, I knew the Shinra--we--were behind this. What good side was there? He had almost been killed. I almost cried myself.

    "God, I don't know what to do." He stood and reached into his pocket to fish out a pack of cigarettes.

    I always stopped dead when I saw him smoking. Plainly put, it scared the shit out of me. My whole house, my whole family, my whole *life* had been demolished by those horrible things, and now my own friend smoked. Only when he was nervous, but still. My own father had not smoked frequently, and look where he had ended up. Still, his smoking made me extremely uncomfortable, and I had to turn away. "I'll pack for you."

    And I had my back to him as I packed his belongings.

    "God. I mean what--what have I ever done?" I could feel the smoke from that terrible cigarette on the back of my neck. "I mean, what have I ever done besides sit in my office and leave everyone the hell alone!?"

    I finished his packing and shut his suitcase with another sigh. Then I turned around, and, to my great relief, the cigarette was out. "Reeve," I said simply, holding out my arms. "Come here."

    Immediately he stepped into my embrace, arms wrapping around me and rested his head on my shoulder. Then he was silent.

    I was silent too, as I held him. My eyes fell shut, and I unconsciously nuzzled against him, stroking the back of his head, and running my fingers through his incredibly soft hair. I was crossing the line between friendship and intimacy, but I couldn't help myself.

    And Reeve wasn't protesting. In fact he was holding me as close as possible, running his fingers up and down over my spine. I was trembling, and I lifted his head off my shoulder so that our eyes met.

    "I don't know what I would do without you," I couldn't believe Reeve said that to me.

    "Reeve..." my voice was soft, and shaking as I asked, "may I kiss you? Just on the forehead." I wanted to kick myself for asking.

    Imagine my surprise as he nodded. He slightly moved his head and leaned towards me.

    My hand rested on the back of his head as I leaned forward and kissed him firmly on the forehead. Then I had to step away. "Go to sleep, Reeve. We can talk about it more in the morning."

    "God, thank you," he whispered. "Thank you so much."

    Then we went to bed. I was fast asleep when I was awakened by a gentle shaking. My eyes opened slowly, and I sat up on my elbow, my eyes adjusting. Reeve was by my bed, in his boxers, kneeling on the floor. His hair was sticking up so adorably, and even in the dark I could see his green eyes. "Reeve?" I mumbled, confused. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes. "Is something wrong?"

    "I'm scared."

    "Scared? Scared of what?"

    "....I-I keep thinking about what happened......how......how I was almost......killed." I swore there were tears in his eyes. ".....You were the only thing that saved me."

    "Oh, Reeve...." I went to move towards him.

    "I know this sounds weird, but can I sleep in bed with you?" he rushed his words, and it took me awhile to realize what he wanted.

    I was shocked to no end, but of course I immediately moved over to make room. I guess I said "sure" or something, because next thing I knew, Reeve was in bed besides me, and we both were only in our underwear.

    It took me awhile before I lay down besides him. I kept my distance from him, even though his back was to mine. With a deep breath, I tried to calm my nerves and I shut my eyes again.

    "Hold me."

    It was Reeve, sounding quite sure of himself.

    "What?" I thought I was already dreaming.

    "I know it sounds weird, but I really would feel better with your arms around me."

    Silently and gladly I complied, snugly wrapping my arms around his waist. My friend sighed contentedly, and I nuzzled against him, shutting my eyes, and falling asleep, feeling more fulfilled than I ever had.

    The next morning, now only did I wake up with Reeve facing me, our arms wrapped around one another, but I woke with an erection.

    And I wasn't the only one.

    I could feel it pressing up against my leg and I froze, not knowing what to think. Feeling Reeve's was only making mine a million times worse. Briefly I wondered what he was dreaming about, but I knew I had to get out of this position quickly, or I would find myself in a very awkward situation. Very carefully, and very reluctantly I separated our bodies and ran into the bathroom.

    "It hasn't been the same since," I admitted to Sephiroth with a sigh. "God, just feeling him that close... Just thinking about it drives me crazy."

    Sephiroth was very serious as he said, "I think he likes you."

    "WHAT?!" I exclaimed, shocked he would even suggest such a thing. "Like? As in....be interested........sexually?"

    "Yes," he said simply.

    "NO! He's straight!" There was no way I would believe that.

    "He may not even know he is-------but he certainly lets you get a bit close, doesn't he?"

    Suddenly I was very uncomfortable. "I've gotta go. I told Reeve I would only be a few minutes."

    I didn't even let Sephiroth speak. I just left.

    When I got to my office, Rude and Reno were already there, standing against the wall, arms crossed. I went straight behind my desk, glanced at the papers strewn across it, and then looked up at my trainees. Reno was unusually quiet. "What is it?"

    "You're kinda late," he remarked. "Usually you're here way before us."

    "I had some business to attend to first," I told him quite honestly. "Did I inconvenience you, Reno?"

    "No, sir. Gave me some time to think about what I'm goin' as to the Halloween ball.

    Ah, that dreadful thing. I put a hand to my head as I remembered I too would have to attend the yearly event. Shinra only had three yearly occasions: the Christmas ball, the banquet ball and the Halloween ball. I remember with no fondness whatsoever the ball of the previous year, where Sephiroth and I, dressed as vampires, had gotten so drunk we started making out in front of everyone. Yes, my sexual orientation was no secret anymore, except to the two trainees before me. Truthfully, I didn't really mind. Unlike my previous boss, Shinra could care less about what you liked to fuck. Besides, Shinra had quite a population of gay and bisexual men. I had discovered this after my drunken romp last year. Since then, I was hit on by more men then I could remember. But still, time for the ball. Maybe Sephiroth and I would coordinate our costumes again this year. "Oh really. Did you come to any decisions?"

    "Oh yeah! I'm gonna be a devil! It'll be really cool with my red hair and all." he grinned.

    I glanced at Rude. "Reno," I said suddenly, "Do you think you could go see if Heidegger has any orders for today?"

    "Uh....sure...be right back." The uneasy sounding teen left the room in a flash.

    That left me alone with Rude.

    I hadn't a clue how to begin.

    Rude seemed quite content in the silence, looking straight ahead through his impermeable sunglasses.

    Clearly, he would not speak first. With a sigh, I sat and said, "why are you here, Rude?"

    "To be the best Turk I can be and to serve Shinra, sir," Rude answered dutifully.

    "That's not what I meant." My eyes narrowed slightly. True, I was often a soft hearted pushover, but there were those in Shinra and elsewhere who feared me. "Why did you destroy that factory? I know someone in Shinra put you up to this."

    Rude was not a squealer. "I just didn't like Shinra. I was feeling ambitious."

    The anger was boiling inside me. I about to snap and slam the kid against the wall, demanding who it was who put him up to such a thing. All I wanted to know was whether he had a damn good reason for doing what he did. Somehow I controlled my anger and say where I was, fist clenched at my side. "At least tell me you're sorry." My voice hung cold in the room, somehow I felt it did not faze the kid at all.

    "For destroying that factory?" Rude avoided the question.

    "Don't play dumb with me." I rose to my feel and approached him so we were face to face. "Listen to me, Rude. I don't know why you're here. I don't know who asked you to kill all those people, and I don't know why. And frankly, it's none of my business. We all have our secrets around here. All I want to know is in your heart, do you feel the lest bit of regret for the horrible thing you've done?"

    Rude's jaw stiffened. "I'm sorry it had to come to that."

    I backed off silently, satisfied with that answer. "And so you should be, Rude." I went to turn, but instead I looked back at him, right into those sunglasses he always wore. I knew not what eyes lay behind those dark lenses. "But you're a Turk now. And you're not to be sorry for a thing anymore."

    There was a brief pause. "Of course, sir."

    Two days had passed before I ended up in bed with Sephiroth once more. Once again, I had been the one to initiated it, and truly I had never been more aggressive during sex in my entire life.

    "Oh, it's time for that cursed event again?" Sephiroth sighed. "This year, I will not get drunk and take you down in front of the entire corporation."

    "It was only second base," I kidded him gently. "But don't worry, I'm not looking forward to it either."

    "I guess this year I'll make an appearance as a phantom. What about you, little one?"

    "I haven't a clue," I admitted. "Any ideas?"

    Sephiroth looked at me very seriously in the eyes and said perfectly honestly, "a girl."

    I laughed out loud, the idea completely ridiculous. "A girl? Tell me you're kidding!"

    "I'm not." And he really wasn't. I could see no evidence of lying in his eyes. "Everyone knows you're gay anyway, you'd make a very attractive woman, considering you're one of the prettiest men I've ever seen in my life, and finally, you'd probably make Reeve come in his pants."

    "SEPHIROTH!" I exclaimed, blushing tremendously as his final statement. "....you really think I should?"

    "It would be stupid *not* to. No one's going to care. I think you should do it to get Reeve's reaction."

    "I don't think I'll see any kind of reaction," I told him. "But.... Even though I'm by no means a cross dresser.... I have nothing else to go as...."

    "Wonderful," grinned Sephiroth. "I can help you."

    Admittedly, I couldn't help but be nervous.

    And Sephiroth had far too much fun picking out my costume.

    So there I was, standing before my full length mirror one hour before the party, looking like a very pretty girl.

    It was a little scary.

    My costume was very.....complete. I was wearing the underwear, which I found a bit uncomfortable, but I was not against wearing it. It was plain white, and I wore a simple white slip over it, and nude panty hose. Sephiroth commented that I really didn't need the panty hose, since I shaved my legs, but I insisted. No one was supposed to know I shaved that.

    Of course, I was wearing a skirt. It was navy blue and came to just above my knee. My blouse was white, a bit frilly. I left a few buttons open at the top. My hair was divided into pigtail braids, which I thought was cute, but I wouldn't admit it. Of course I was wearing make-up. On my eyes was the full works: eyeliner, mascara, and gray eye shadow. I wore a little blush, and pink lip gloss. Luckily though, I was not being forced into high heels. Instead I wore very comfortable saddle shoes. I looked so much like a girl that I could only blink at my reflection.

    "You look *so* hot," Sephiroth assured me, wrapping two strong arms around my waist. He was indeed dressed as the phantom of the opera, and he looked very hot himself. Nuzzling me, he added, "just promise me I'll be the one to take those clothes off you later."

    I giggled, which didn't help my image any. "Sure....unless Reeve is magically interested in me," I kidded.

    "He may very well be." Sephiroth kissed the side of my face and released me. "and I'm not kidding."

    I rolled my eyes. "Right, right. Let's just go and get this over with."

    "No excessive drinking for you," Sephiroth warned, waving a finger in my face like a stern parent. "Otherwise, you might end up going home with Heidegger."

    "Oh my god!" I cried, shuddering. "God, now I feel like changing!"

    "No you're not." My master grabbed one of my pigtails and dragged me out the door.

    "Ow..." I whined, sudddenly feeling as if this was all a terrible idea.

    Reno stared open mouthed at me.

    I just smiled. "Yup. Am I pretty?"

    "I'm a little scared to say yeah!" The red head was indeed dressed as the devil. Rude was at the side,wearing his uniform and a cowboy hat. How creative. "Damn!"

    "Tsengy...." Sephiroth came and took me by the arm. "Come say hi to Reeve."

    "I like your costumes," I told me comrades as my master led me to what felt like my judgement. My heart was pounding in my chest, and I was dying to know how Reeve would react to my appearence.

    "Reeve, there you are. Hello." Sephiroth smiled at him sweetly from behind his half-mask. "You look very nice this evening."

    And of course he did. Reeve was dressed as an eighteenth century gentleman, right down to the coat with tails. He looked extremely sexy.

    "Hi, Sephiroth...." But Reeve's dark green eyes were on me as he spoke. He looked at me in silence for a moment or two more before he spoke my name in amazement. "Tseng?"

    I smiled rediculously wide, sure I looked like a grinning fool. "Hello, Reeve. What do you think?"

    Blinking, Reeve stuttered. "Y-you.... You look *gorgeous*, Tseng...er...I mean, it's a nice costume."

    Sephiroth patted me on the back, shot me a grin, said, "I'll see you later," and left me alone with Reeve.

    "God, whatever gave you the idea to dress as a girl? --Uh, ...not that you don't look pretty, but...uh...you just look....nice. You really do." My freind ran a hand through his hair.

    "Thanks, Reeve," I replied, amazed and actually flattered he found me attractive dressed like this. "You look very handsome in that costume. It suits you."

    "Thank you, *darling*," he teased me, playfully pulling on one of my braids. "Wanna get a drink, cutie?"

    I giggled in spite of myself. "Sure. As long as I don't end up with my back on a table like last year with Sephiroth's hand up my shirt."

    "I can't garuntee that won't happen, but this year it might not be Sephiroth."

    I laughed, but I wasn't exactly sure what to make of that.

    To my surprise, Reeve had been flirting with me all night. As much as I knew he was joking, I had to admit I loved it. He was calling me 'darling', and 'cutie' and 'sweetheart'. He was putting his hand on my leg. My friend even joked to a few people that I was his girlfriend. I laughed, thinking, if only.

    I knew I wasn't supposed to, but I had gotten myself quite buzzed on the champagne. Reeve was not too sober himself. And there I sat, cross-legged at the bar, my friend at my side, downing yet another glass of champagne.

    "Hey, sweetheart." Reeve was leaning towards me, his hand on my leg again, more than half-way drunk. "Wanna get outta here?"

    I nodded, placing down my glass. "Sure. Let's go somewhere else."

    Silently Reeve and I left the ball and went upstairs, where everything was much quieter. It was a nice escape to leave behind the noisy ballroom. I straightebed my skirt as we stepped out onto the balcony and sat on the bench that had been placed against the railing. Actually, Reeve sat, and patted his lap as an indication for me to sit on it.

    So, of course I did.

    The night air was surprisingly warm, but I wasn't paying much attention to the temperature. That's because I was far too concerned with Reeve's hand, which was running over my calf.

    "Mmm....smooth..." he commented. "You shave?"

    "Yes..." I admitted, leaning back against him. God, I was so drunk. Now I wonder why it is we always had to get drunk together. "Am I really a pretty girl, Reeve?"

    "Prettiest girl I've ever seen," he assured me, breathing on the back of my neck. "Tseng..."

    "Aah....Reeve..." I moaned softly, as his hand slid up, under my skirt, and rubbed against my thigh. "Yes... Oh yes..."

    "Turn around," he whispered, pressing a kiss to the back of my neck.

    In a second I was straddling his lap, my skirt riding up,  and his hand still high on my leg. God, I couldn't help it. I could *feel* he was attracted to me like this, and of course, I was as horny as ever. "Reeve.....I want you." I wrapped my hands around his neck.

    A hand on my thigh, and another coming around my neck, Reeve whispered my name, then jerked my head down and kissed me.

    It was like a volcano erupted as we kissed. We frenched immediatly, tongues passionatly sparing as we kissed ravenously, over and over and over again. I couldn't get enough of him, and I tangled my hands in his hair, moaning loudly as we explored each other's mouths, as his hands roamed my body. Then he was untucking my blouse and sliding his hands underneath, cool hands meeting heated skin. I was rocking against him, my crotch against his, sending jolts of pleasure up my spine. I had never kissed anyone so urgently and my love was kissing me back in the exact same way, quick fingers unbuttoning my blouse now, his finger tips brushing my stomach.

    "Oh.....Reeve.....Reeve........" I moaned his name as he seperated our lips to suck at my throat. "Oh... Oh my god..." I was drunk, but I was still amazed at what *Reeve* was doing to me. My legs wrapped around his waist, and I was forcing my hardness up against his, hearing him moan for more.

    "Tseng....oh *god*." His lips on my neck were ruthless, and I knew he had to be giving me a hickey. I whined and pleaded with him, pulling on his hair. The last button parted under his fingers, and his hands roamed my chest, firmly taking hold of my waist. "Tseng...." he whispered urgently, lips frantically moving lower. "Tseng... Tseng..."

    "Yes... Oh god, yes!" I cried out, feeling his fingers claw at my skin and unzip my skirt. "Oh, Reeve.... Oh, take me!" My hands wandered, going for the front of his pants. I arched my back as a hand slid down the back of my skirt, and brought his lips to mine once more, kissing him as deeply as I could.

    Just when I knew there was no turning back, just when I knew we were both drunk enough to go through with it, that within seconds I knew I would end up with my back on the ground, my legs in the air, and Reeve slamming into me, we both heard voices.

    "Hey, yo! What's up here?"

    I was gasping for breath as Reeve ceased everything. "Oh god... Reno..."

    "Shit," he cursed. Quickly, he stood, placing me on the ground and zipping my skirt back up. "Can't let him..."

    I fumbled to button my shirt as Reeve quickly did up his pants.

    "Hey! Hey you guys!" Reno came up on the balcony with Rude, who still looked emotionless. "I was wonderin' where you went. They won't let us drink downstairs. Sucks, right, Rude?"

    "Right," he agreed.

    The red head was silent another moment, as if he were listening intently. "Ooh! Hey! I love this song! C'mon, Rude! ByeTsengnReeve!" In a flash, he dashed away.

    Rude glanced at the both of us before he followed.

    "Oh god," I commented as soon as they were gone. "God, you are so drunk, Reeve."

    Reeve had a hand to his head. "Yeah...."

    "I pro'bly won't remember *any* of this tomorrow."

    "Me neither." Reeve swayed in his step as he began leaving. "Too bad, cause this is a party to remember."

    Afterwards I found Sephiroth, we went home, and he had me, just like he wanted---three times. Twice I called Reeve's name. Sephiroth didn't comment, and afterwards, feeling a little sore, I fell into a very deep sleep.

    Sephiroth was still asleep as I stood up, a hand holding my aching head. There were clothes littered from the door to the bed, and I was still covered in various liquids. God, I needed a shower. "Sephiroth." I picked up a pillow and threw it at him. Truly, I was in a terrible mood. "Wake up."

    My master stirred, electric green eyes blinking open. "Oh my... Is it morning already?"

    "Were you drunk last night?" I asked him.

    "I'm proud to say I was not. You, however, little one, are a different story."

    I groaned, hand still resting on my head as I plodded over to the mirror. "God, I was so fucking drunk. And I have the headache to prove it. Unfortunaly I have another ache that's not quite my fault." I glanced back at him with a sour expression.

    "Don't blame me," he chuckled, "you're the one who kept begging for me to fuck you harder."

    "Uh...." bleary eyed, I looked back at myself in the mirror. "I said his name too, didn't I? You should have smacked me."

    "For someone who was so drunk, I'm impressed at how much you remember. Perhaps if you study your reflection, you'll remember something else."

    I stared at my reflection. Basically, I looked as though a truck had run me over. My hair was still in pigtail braids, but they were falling apart. My make-up was smeared, and I had raccoon eyes from the mascara. Then I realized that was not what Sephiroth had been talking about as I spotted a hickey on the side of my neck. I inspected it unhappily. "Tell me this was your work."

    "Oh no. That was there when I got there." Sephiroth was behind me now, looking down at me. "Tell me, Tseng--who got to you before I did?"

    Both hands were covering my face now, the night before flooding back to me. "Reeve..." I mumbled.

    "What?!"

    "...it was Reeve..."

    "Was it really?" he sounded shocked.

    "Yeah..." I sighed, pulling the elastics off the end of my pigtails and letting my hair flow freely again. "Yeah, Reeve and I were so drunk..."

    "What happened?" Sephiroth followed me back to the bed.

    "Ugh," I collapsed with a groan, covering my eyes with my arm. "we were *so* drunk. Reeve and I went upstairs on the balcony...I sat on his lap, and basically, he started feeling me up, so then---"

    "He was feeling you up?!"

    "Yeah....a little bit. It got worse once we started making out."

    "You were making out with Reeve."

    "Oh yeah. Like our plane was going down. He was undressing me and everything."

    "He *was*?!"

    "Yes....I was about two seconds away from getting laid when we got interrupted. Then we went back down stairs."

    "You're kidding me. He was really going to fuck you?"

    "Oh yeah. He had his hand down my skirt. Ugh, god, I am such a slut."

    "You are not a slut." I felt him sit besides me. "I told you he liked you."

    "He doesn't like me! He was drunk!" I exclaimed.

    "Straight guys do *not* go around screwing other guys when they are drunk. It just doesn't work that way. He likes *you*."

    "....maybe he thought I was a girl..." but I knew that wasn't true.

    Sephiroth knew it too. "No he didn't. That's bullshit and you know it."

    "I wish I had stopped him. I wish I knew what he was thinking. I wish we hadn't done anything. I wish I hated sex. I wish I didn't need it. God, I am such a slut. I'm not going to have sex for awhile. Just watch. I'll control myself." I looked up at Sephiroth and blinked, the rim of my eyes wet. Not that, under any circumstances, was I about to cry.

    He leaned over me. "You are *not* a slut. Why do you say you are? Because you made out with Reeve and then slept with me?" Sephiroth shook his head, silver hair, falling over his bare shoulders. "That *hardly* indicates a slut, Venustas." Affectionately he stroked my hair. "You need to relax."

    "Tell me I don't have to go to work today."

    "It's Sunday, of course you don't." He kissed my forehead, and stood. "I'm going to leave you alone now so you're not tempted." He chuckled. "Take a nice shower, and take it easy."

    I barely nodded, and as he left my apartment, I shut my eyes and drew the blankets around me, cuddling up to my pillow.

  He can't like me. He can't. He said so himself. He never said anything to indicate that he felt differently. God, but he gets weird when he gets drunk. I don't know what to think. I'm so confused. You know what--it was all alcohol. I'll just chalk it all up to that and leave it be.

        I must have drifted off into a light sleep, because next I knew there was a knocking on the door. Checking the clock, I realized three hours had gone by since Sephiroth had left me alone. As I tried to stand, I realized my head still throbbed, and my ass was still sore. Ugh, you think I would be used to being so throughly fucked by now.

    Wearily, I stood, feeling like a drug addict who's high I had just worn off. Half-way to the door, I realized I was still nude. Blushing profusely at my almost mistake, I grabbed a towel, wrapped it around my middle, and opened the door not caring at who saw me looking like scum.

    It was Reeve.

    I almost dropped the towel in shock, but instead I just dropped my jaw. "Reeve?"

    Reeve looked like as much trash as I did. His black hair was badly tousled and uncombed, his green eyes were half-lidded and bleary. His t-shirt and jeans were rumpled, as though he had slept in them. "We got drunk last night, didn't we?"

    Chuckling lightly, I stepped aside to let him inside. "Yeah, we did."

    Reeve came in, and I closed the door. "I don't remember a thing that happened really...we were at the bar drinking...I kept flirting with you cause you looked cute in your costume, and...then all I remember is the champagne." Then he turned, looking me straight in the eyes. "Do you remember anything?"

    "No," I lied immediatly. "Not a thing."

    "We make quite a pair." Reeve glanced around and then asked, "are you alone?"

    "I am now. I was just sleeping when you knocked."

    "Aah...sleep...nice..." he was staring at my bed.

     "Go ahead and lie down," I told him. "I'm just...aah..." I licked my lips and watched Reeve make himself comfortable as he lay in my bed. Something about that was turning me on, and it wasn't good. I needed to get out of this towel. "...I'm going to put some pants on." I quickly went to my drawers, grabbed a pair of boxers and some tight blue jeans, and went into the bathroom.

    My mind was a blank slate as I dressed. Or, I should say, it was a blank slate except for that thought of Reeve in the other room, on my bed. Running a hand through my tangled hair, I looked myself straight in the mirror and mouthed, control yourself.

    Then I went back into my bedroom, a nervous smile playing on my lips. "Comfortable?" I asked him.

    Reeve nodded, then indicated to the pieces of my costume from the previous night littering the floor. "Late night?"

    I blushed considerably, sitting on the edge of my bed, suddenly quite nervous. "Heh, you could say that. I really should probably change these sheets."

    Reeve laughed, easing the tension. "Don't worry about it. It was a surprise visit. Besides, like I said, I'm comfortable."

    I grabbed the tv remote, sliding besides him. "Hopefully they'll be something good on."

    "Hopefully," my friend agreed.

    The picture on the screen came into view, and I instantly wished I hadn't turned it on at all. It seemed I had forgotten the last time I had used that television. Sephiroth had been over, and we decided to casually watch some tv. By complete and total accident--and I am being completely honest here, we came across a channel of gay porn. Needless to say, after watching for a few minutes, we both forgot about the television alltogether and I had to buy another remote. I hadn't used the television since, and now here I was, trying to take my mind off sex by watching two guys make passionate love to one another, with Reeve at my side.

    I was frozen, completely and totally embarassed by the images on tv. What was Reeve going to think now? He was going to think I was a pervert, that's what. And frankly, I didn't blame him.

    Without being able to speak a word, I glanced over at Reeve, expecting to see him looking away, or looking disgusted or something to that extent. Instead, I was rather shocked to witness that my friend was watching in almost a trance, eyes slightly wide, jaw a bit slack. It was as though he was interested. But in fact, I realized upon furthur inspection, that Reeve was getting off on the site of two men having sex.  God, maybe he really is attracted to men, I thought. Then I quickly took that thought back. Any kind of sex would arouse anyone who is open minded, I figured. Still, I never thought that Reeve would ever find anything like this at all arousing.

    "Ugh..." he moaned, shifting uncomfortably, and sitting up a little more. "It's been so long..."

    I suddenly wished my jeans weren't so tight. "So long since..." I couldn't take my eyes off him. "Since you had sex?"

    "Yeah," he confirmed, shifting again. "Uh..."

    "I'll shut it off," I offered, reaching for the remote.

    "No!" Reeve said urgently, and I stopped where I was. "Uh...no. You can leave it on." He licked his lips, and we locked eyes. "I don't mind it."

    "It's not like I usually watch it. Sephiroth and I...uh...we stumbled across it one night."

    "Aah...I see." His eyes were on the screen again. "...does that really hurt?"

    I turned to the screen to see what he did. "The first time, yes, it hurts quite a bit. But it doesn't last. And if you do it enough, it hurts less and less each time. Besides, you use lubricant, which makes the entry easier." I shrugged, "it really is quite wonderful."

    "I--I always kind of wondered how it could be pleasureable," he admitted.

    "Oh, your prostate," I explained to him. "It's your anal g-spot. Trust me, when you hit that..." I trailed off, shaking my head, "well, it's hard to explain."

    "...I'd always kinda wondered....how that would feel..." he said softly.

    "Reeve?" I looked at him in confusion, wondering if my own ears were tricking me. "Uh...what do you mean?"

    It is very hard to explain what happened next. Let's just say my fingers ended up somewhere I thought they would never go, all at the whim of Reeve's curiousity. We didn't make love, if that's what you're thinking, god no, I'm not that lucky. But I was closer to Reeve than I thought I ever could be.

    Afterwards there was silence. Total silence, except for our heavy breathing.

    "Oh...oh Tseng..." Reeve finally spoke. "Where are you?"

    Shaking, I got to my feet and fell onto my bed, crawling up next to him. "Reeve." I put the fingers that had been inside him into my mouth. Reeve was so clean, it really was a pleasure to do that to him. "Thanks," I added finally, "thank you, for letting me do that to you."

    Reeve shook his head. "No, thank you. That felt great, really. I can almost see what you people do."

  You people? It was then I remembered Reeve wasn't gay. He just wanted to see what it felt like, remember? He was as straight as always. "Yeah. I'm glad you enjoyed it." Silently, I hoped he would kiss me. All I wanted was one kiss from him when he wasn't drunk. That was truly make my *life*.

    But it wasn't to be. "Guess every guy has to try that sometime," he said. "Curiousity killed the cat though."

    I set my jaw, and propped myself up on my elbow. "Reeve."

    He looked at me. "What?"

    "...I want one tiny thing. I know, I know, it'll probably gross you out, but...can I kiss you?"

    He blinked at me. "French kiss?"

    "No, nothing you wouldn't feel comfortable with."

    "I would never kiss another guy," he said. At least not when you're sober, I thought. "But you can kiss me. French, or whatever. You deserve it."

    "Reeve..." I whispered his name against his lips as I took them, deeply and passionatly.

    I didn't by any means force his mouth open, but he parted his lips for me, letting me inside. And of course I did. Our tongues flicked against one another's tentively at first, but they met again firmly, caressing one another's, and we both moaned.

    Then I drew away, feeling I had enough. "Thanks," I said breathlessly.

    "You're some hell of a kisser," he breathed, eyes locked with mine.

    "So are you."

    For a moment we just stared at one another, and for a moment I forgot where I was.

    "Aah... I guess I better clean up. Can I use your shower?" Reeve broke the contact, getting to his feet and picking up his clothes.

    "Sure," I told him. "Go right ahead."

    "Uh...Tseng...you won't tell anyone about this."

    "Of course not."

    "...we'd both better forget this ever happened. I mean, I'm not gay. We both know I'm not. Besides, everyone does this kind of thing once."

    "Right."

    I watched him, and Reeve gave me a little smile before going into the bathroom.

     God, he's straight, you slut. Face it. You're never getting more from him again.  But why is it that after all I've gotten from him, I only find myself craving more?

    But truly I couldn't answer that question.

    "I'm proud of you, Venustas," Sephiroth was on the PHS as I sat at my desk, lazily thumbing through some papers. "You made a commitment and you stuck to it. Do you feel any better?"

    "I....I..." I sighed, resting my head in my hand. "No. Not at all. Now I feel more frustrated. Because at least, through sex, I got out some of my frustration. Now I'm getting out *none* of it."

    "Do you know what you need?"

    "What? A lobotomy?"

    "Ha ha," he laughed dryly. "Seriously, Tseng, you need a boyfriend."

    "A boyfriend?" The idea seemed shocking to me. I had always had lovers...never really an actual *boyfriend*. "What do you mean?"

    "Oh, you know what I mean. A boyfriend! Someone who will kiss you because he loves you, and bring you flowers, because he loves you, and make love to you because he *loves you*." Sephiroth sighed, "you know, all those things I could never do for you. All those things Reeve refuses to do for you because he's stuck in the closet. No matter how much you love him, he's too stubborn to come out."

    "He's not in the closet," I protested. "He's just straight."

    "Whatever you want to call it. The point is, no matter how much you love Reeve, he's not going to ever be yours. I'm sorry, Tseng. I know it's hard, but you have to come to terms with it."

    I sighed, but nodded. "Yeah, yeah. I know, I know."

    "Little one, take my advice. Get yourself a boyfriend. I know every guy who likes guys in this building would kill to go out with you. I hear them talking sometimes. Trust me, you'll have no problem finding someone."

    "...I don't know, Sephiroth. I mean, I'd like to have a b-boyfriend, but...no matter what...I love Reeve. I don't know if I can love anyone else."

    "Worry about that later. Get out there. Date. Have some fun. You're so young. You can't sit around and sulk that no one will love you."

    I sighed, knowing he was right. "All right. I'll find someone. You know...it will be weird. I never really...dated."

    "Me neither," Sephiroth admitted, "but it's nothing you can't do. Trust me, Tseng. Just make sure you find someone who's interested in more than getting into your pants. That's the *last* thing you need right now."

    "Tell me about it," I sighed. "Don't worry about me though, that's one thing I can tell right off the bat." I picked up a pen and began doodling aimlessly. "So...what kind of things do you hear about me?"

    "Oh, some things I can't repeat. Especially after what you wore to the Halloween ball. Even *straight* guys were making comments, and I'm not talking about Reeve."

    I laughed. "Oh really? Anything you *can* repeat?"

    "Of course. I'll tell you later.  Just go to the lounge, hang around, and be your usual charming stuff. Leave your work behind. That's the last thing you need to act like. Understand me?"

    "I know, Sephiroth. You know, I just got off duty. Maybe I'll go right now."

    "Good. Go. Mingle. Forget Reeve for awhile. I know you love him, but right now he's hurting you very badly. You understand, I know you do."

    "Yes, Sephiroth." I couldn't help smiling. "Will that be all?"

    "And take your vitamins," he joked, keeping his voice serious. "Heh, I'll talk to you later, Venustas."

    "Good-bye, masuta."

    And with that, I hung up. Sephiroth's right. I need to get out. And getting a boyfriend sounds like a great idea. Having someone who loved me would be like being back with Bryatt again. Oh, Bryatt. Sometimes I miss you so much.

    I checked myself in the mirror, (yeah, I keep a lot of mirrors around), ran my fingers through my hair, and headed for the lounge.

    And for the first time in awhile, I felt really really great.

    "Tseng?"

    I turned, coming back to the real world as I heard a very attractive male voice speak my name. Turnning my head I came face to face with a truly gorgous young man. He had to be no more than twenty-five, with dark brown hair, short and neatly combed. His eyes were a beautiful, sparkling hazel brown, his skin pale, but darker than my own. He had a nice build to him, lean, like Reeve's. I could tell even under his expensive black suit. A good looking guy with great fashion sense? I was interested, especially since he had a beautiful smile to go with it all. He looked vaguely familiar, but I couldn't place a name. "Hello." I smiled back.

    "I'm Benjamin Raven, I work in accounting. Mind if I sit here?"

    "Oh, not at all." Ooh, accounting. I knew right then and there he had to be smart. Shinra only hired the best accountants in the business. "Please."

    Benjamin sat, still smiling at me. "I have to admit I'm rather glad to see you here. I've kind of been admiring you from afar for quite awhile now. I kept hoping you would show up in the lounge... I was going to introduce myself at the Halloween party, but you seemed busy."

  Yeah, busy getting drunk and making out with my best friend. But god, let's forget that. "Benjamin..." I repeated his name, trying to remember where I had seen him before. "You look familiar. Have we met before?"

    "I've seen you in Heidegger's office several times," he told me. "I do his finances frequently."

    "Yes!" My smile widened. "Of course. I do remember seeing you there. You've worked for Shinra for several years now, haven't you?"

    "About six, since I was twenty. There's no better jobs for accountants then with Shinra Inc."

    So he was twenty-six, six years older than I was, older than Reeve even. An older man. I was thrilled. "It's been five years for me, since I was fifteen. I'm not even able to drink legally. Not that that has ever stopped me."

    Benjamin chuckled. "It doesn't bother you, does it? That I'm several years older... I see you with Reeve Leander and Sephiroth often, so I figured I wouldn't scare you off. They're good friends of yours, I assume."

    "Oh yes, very good friends, the both of them. I've never been one to stick to age," I explained. "Not when it comes to friendship or...other things." I blushed as I asked, "you must have seen the display at the Halloween ball a two years back, when Sephiroth and I had a few too many."

    "I don't think anyone missed that," he told me, "but if it's any consolation, there was another Halloween incident about six years back when Scarlet fell out of her costume. It was disgusting." He grinned and added, "you make a much prettier girl than she ever could."

    "It was Sephiroth who convinced me to go as that, but I can't say I was against it. I just hope I don't get the reputation as a cross-dresser. I may do some pretty feminine things sometimes, but I would never cross dress unless it's Halloween."

    "Perfectly understandle." Benjamin chuckled, his eyes meeting mine. "Forgive me a moment, but are you from Wutai?"

    "Yes, I was originally from there," I admitted, amazed somewhat that he could tell. "Then my family moved here to Midgar."

    "I can tell. I'm from Wutai myself," he admitted. "They don't hire too many of us anymore. Not after the war."

    "I haven't been there in years," I admitted, mind drifiting back to what it was like. "I was young when we moved... I hardly remember any of it."

    "That's a shame. It's a beautiful place. No offense to Reeve, but it sure beats the scenery of Midgar."

    I think Reeve would agree that a dump truck had better scenery than Midgar. "If he had ever been there, I would say that Reeve would agree with your statement."

    Benjamin chuckled, then glanced down at his watch and frowned. "Dammit. I'll have to be getting back to work soon." Looking back at me, our eyes met again, and he looked at me in such an adoring way, I felt as though I had known him much more than about ten minutes. "Tseng, uh...this may seem a bit quick, but, I have to say I've had a silly little crush on you for quite awhile now, and I would love to take you out sometime, if that would be all right with you."

    "I would love to," I assured him. Sephiroth sure had been right when he said there were a lot of guys dying to take me out. I hadn't been sitting there fifteen minutes, and I already had a date. "Here." I wrote down my PHS number and handed it to him, 'accidently' brushing my fingers against his as I did so. "Call me any night this week. I'm on a light schedule."

    "Thank you." He tucked the slip of paper into his jacket pocket. "I'll most certainly be in touch."

    We smiled at each other before he left, and I watched him go, grinning from ear to ear.

    Great didn't even begin to describe my mood anymore. Now I was feeling more along the lines of incredible.

    "Oh, stop flattering me, Sephiroth. You had your chance." I winked at him. My PHS rang out shrilly, and I jumped and grinned, picking it up before it could ring a second time. "Hello? Tseng Tyutyuik."

    "Hey, there." It was that handsome voice again.

    "Benjamin! Hi!" I stood, moving so my back was to Sephiroth and I couldn't see him staring at me. "I'm so glad you called."

    "Are you sure? I have to admit I was a little worried about calling you so soon..."

    "Oh, no. Besides, I don't think there are many people who like to talk on the PHS more than I do."

    "I can back that up," Sephiroth mumbled with a grin.

    "Well that's a relief to hear. Speaking of talking, and I was wondering if we could talk tonight, maybe over dinner?"

    "That would be wonderful!" I tried not to sound overly bubbly, but I couldn't help it.

    So Benjamin and I made plans for that evening, and as I hung up, I was still smiling widely.

    "Goodness, Tseng, you are grinning like a school girl." Sephiroth had quite an arrogant look on his face as he looked me over. "I told you all you needed was a boyfriend. I've never seen you so happy."

    I fell back into my chair with a contented sigh. "I don't remember feeling this happy either in a long while." With a sigh, I met my master's eyes. "You're right. I need to stop thinking about Reeve as more than a friend, and concentrate on finding another romantic interest."

    "You deserve to be loved, Tseng." Sephiroth told me. "Don't settle for any less."

  He sounds like Bryatt. It's easy to say that, but difficult to go through with it.

    A knock at my office door startled us both. I stiffened, ready to go back into work mode at any moment, even if I wasn't on duty.

    Sephiroth gave me a look before he opened my door, and I know we were both surprised to see Reeve there, looking a bit sheepish.

    "Um...hi," he said, glancing from Sephiroth to me and back again. "Am I interrupting?"

    "No," I told him. "Come in, Reeve."

    I thought Sephiroth would blab right away about my date, but he kept his lips shut.

    "I thought you might have something I need." He came to my desk and raised my eyebrows.

    "Oh, yes. Just a moment." Reeve was eluding to the Midgar Reports, something he still was not supposed to see, but I was always more than willing to hand it over to my best friend. I reached into my desk drawer, pulled it out, folded it over, and handed it to my friend. "There you are."

    "Thank you very much." With a curt nod, Reeve turned, said good-bye to Sephiroth and left, being sure to shut the door behind him.

    Sephiroth raised an eyebrow. "And what, may I ask, was that all about?"

    "You're such a gossip sometimes," I chided him. "It was nothing of too much importance."

    My master sighed, but didn't press the issue. "Well, I best be off and let you prepare for your date. Remember, no sex on the first date." He held a finger up, scolding me again.

    "You do think I'm a slut." I gave him a look of my own.

    "No," he said firmly. "I just know you think that's the only way you feel wanted."

    "That's not true." My eyes narrowed slightly.

    Sephiroth's electric green eyes were hard as they clawed into mine. "You know what I mean."

    "I'll let you know how it goes."

    "You better." He shot me a smile as he left my office.

    I closed up my office and went home to get ready for my date.

    There was a knock and I jumped, butterflies in my stomach. Imagine, a first date at twenty for someone who had lost their virginity at fifteen. It almost made me want to laugh.

    I opened the door to reveal Benjamin, looking absolutely stunning in a black tailored suit with a light gray shirt and a gold tie. God, but he truly was beautiful, and for a moment I just gaped.

    "Hello, Tseng." He smiled at me.

    "Oh, hello! Damn, you just look great! Won't you come in?"

    "You look beautiful yourself." His hands came from behind his back and he held one long stem rose. "This is for you."

    I couldn't help being shocked and flattered. "A rose? How beautiful! You're so sweet. Thank you." I smiled shyly at him, going into the small kitchen to put it in some water. Sephiroth was right, a boyfriend did bring you flowers. I was overwhemled, but more than willing to experience more of this attention.

    "You have a very nice apartment," Benjamin commented. "You have exquisite taste. I love how it's all black and blue."

    "Thank you." I came and joined him at the entrance. "I didn't have much time to decorate it. And I'm no expert. I just know what I like."

    "That seems to be enough." He smiled at me once again. Truly, I didn't think I could ever get sick of that smile. "Are you ready?" He offered his hand to me.

    I took it without hesitation and watched as he brought it to his lips and placed a light kiss upon it. "Yes, I'm very ready."

    And truly, I really was.

    Benjamin and I sat across from one another at a the restaurant he had taken me too. It was a nice, intimate place, lit by candlelight. It all seemed very romantic to me. The last time anyone tried to show me any type of romance, I had been with Bryatt. And I had to admit Benjamin reminded me a little of my beloved Bryatt. His eyes seemed to sparkle the same way.

    "My last relationship?" Putting down the menu, I chewed my lip and thought a moment. "I never really had a *real* relationship," I admitted. "I've had a few lovers, but nothing too serious. Sephiroth and I were exclusive for awhile, but neither of us consider that a relationship. We broke it off a few years ago, though I would be completely lying if I said we hadn't done anything since then." I chuckled as I added, "anyone at the Halloween ball two years ago could see that. But  basically, I've never really *dated* before. A little sad at my age. How about you?"

    "I broke it off with my boyfriend of a year several months ago." He sighed, "I mean, we're still friends, but I really had no real interest in staying with him. The love just wasn't there. Besides, we had both started eyeing other people anyway."

    "Can I ask you a bold question?" I took a sip from my water glass.

    "Certainly."

    "How did you know you were gay?"

    Benjamin smiled and laughed quietly, his eyes sparkling once again. "That is a bold question. But I don't mind answering it at all. I was about your age when I realized it. All these women were trying to pick me up, and I was more interested in the men swimming in the company pool. That's how I knew. What about you, if you don't mind answering your own question."

    "I was never straight," I admitted. "The first sexual thought that ever crossed my mind was aimed at a guy. I had never thought about sex before that. I was fifteen then. Luckily, the guy I was attracted to was attracted to me right back, and he taught me a few things." I grinned.

    "That was certainly very lucky. That wasn't Sephiroth was it?"

    "No..." I said quietly, looking down at the tablecloth. "...this was before him... ...His name was Bryatt. ....He was killed. It was how I got to become a Turk, actually."

    "Oh..." Benjamin was quiet a moment. "I'm sorry."

    Shaking my head I looked up once more. "No, it's all right. It's just..." I stopped, shook my head again, and started over. "Never mind."

    The waiter came then to take our order, which saved me any furhter embarassment. When he was gone, Benjamin and I met eyes once more.

    I had to speak. I had to say *something*. "Forget about me." I took yet another sip from my water glass. "I'm curious about how you realized I existed in the first place."

    "Realized you existed?" he laughed, "god, you're the head of the Turks, even the guys who mop the floors know you. I don't know if you realized it, but it was quite a big deal that you made the head of such an important organization at such a young age. They would have never forced your superiors into retirement so early if they didn't think you were ready to handle it."

    "Aren't you afraid of me?" The words slipped from my lips.

    "What?"

    "I'm a Turk," I spoke plainly. "I kill people. I do horrible things. Doesn't that scare you at all?"

    Benjamin paused a minute before he spoke thoughtfully. "You know, I used to think you were cold and unemotionless. That was before I noticed how you acted outside work. It was as if you became a totally different person. It's just your job, Tseng. You're not the one killing those people. Shinra is."

    All I could do was blink and be amazed at in so few words he could say so much. "Yes," I whispered, at long last finding my voice. "That's it."

    He smiled at me. Just a small twitch of his lips.  But it was enough.

    Hand in hand he walked me back to my apartment. It seemed so long since I had been show tiny gestures of affection such as this. I never thought anyone would be able to make me feel like Bryatt had ever again. That feeling that you're special and the most important person in the world. I hadn't known Benjamin long, but he made me feel that way. And I was so thankful for it.

    When we reached my apartment, I backed up against the wall and pulled his body to mine. Benjamin smiled and brought my hand to his lips, kissing it firmly.

    "God, tell me I won't wake up..." I whispered my words, looking into those eyes.

    He stroked my cheek, gently, barely brushing his fingers against it. "You're so beautiful."

    I shut my eyes and nuzzled into those soft fingers. "Are you going to kiss me?"

    "If you want me to."

    "Please." I wrapped my hands around his neck.

    And he did. The kiss was sweet, soft and quick. Benjamin didn't try to force his tongue down my throat, and in fact, he didn't try to French kiss me at all. I stared with wide eyes as he drew away, his hands brushing up and down my sides and making me shiver.

    "I like to take it slow," he told me. "It gives us something to look forward to."

    Something to look forward to... I never thought of it that way.... "That's fine..." again, I whispered.

    He kissed me again, a little longer, but still no tongue. Shutting my eyes, I kissed back, slowly, feeling his fingers curl around my face.

    I kept my eyes shut as he drew away again, a soft moan escaping my lips. "A-ah..."

    "I'll call you again tomorrow. That is...if you'd let me."

    "Please."

    Before he left, he kissed my forehead, and gave me a smile.

    I watched him disappear into the elevator, leaning against the wall, trying to get my breathing back to normal and wondering why that had done more for me than sex with Sephiroth ever had.

    A boyfriend. Even a month later it made me want to giggle like a silly teenage girl. It was really great to be in a steady relationship. Every time we went out he would bring me a long stem rose, and now my apartment was filled with them.

    Right now we were at what Sephiroth called the 'sweetie, honey, darling' stage. That was the stage when we began calling one another by those pet names no one on the outside could stand. And even though Benjamin called me 'sweetie' and brought me flowers, I was in no way treated like a woman. Although, I must admit, I took a more passive role in the relationship. Still, sometimes I would surprise him.

    And we were very close. I would see him almost every night, and when we couldn't see one another we would talk on the PHS. But despite how close we had gotten emotionally, physically we were still taking it slow. Yes, it's true, one month later and we were still taking it slow. Not *any* kind of sex. And surprisingly, it didn't bother me much. Benjamin showed me plenty of affection. I was content. I didn't need sex to feel wanted with Benjamin.

    Reeve knew I had a boyfriend. He had met Benjamin, but they had never really talked. He always acted kind of cold about the entire situation. Sephiroth, on the other hand, liked Benjamin very much so. He thought he was the best thing that ever happened to me. Sephiroth was not overly friendly towards him either, but that was just the way Sephiroth was.

    Benjamin worried that Reeve hated him, but I assured him it couldn't be so. To prove it, I invited them all over for dinner one night: Benjamin, Reeve and Sephiroth. Of course, I ordered take out. I learned that cooking was not my forte not too long ago. But take out was fine, and no one complained about the food. Besides, I had ice cream for desert.

    So there we sat with our empty plates; Benjamin to my left, Reeve to my right, and Sephiroth across the way. The dinner time conversation had been pleasant, although it had seemed a bit forced at times. I felt like everyone was staring at me a lot, and it made me uncomfortable.

    "Don't you have a mission next week, Venustas?"

    I looked up at Sephiroth, snapping out of a momentary daze to meet his eyes. "A mission? Oh, yes. Quite an important one. Shinra has been planning it for time. It should go well."

    "What is it?" asked Reeve, staring at me again.

    "I'm not at liberty to say." I met his gaze, staring hard, as I added with an edge, "to *anyone*."

    My friend looked away, pouting a bit.

    "Do you feel Reno and Rude are ready to handle *anything*?" Benjamin looked at Reeve before his eyes set on me again.

    "Oh yes. Of course. Not to be pompous, but I did train them extremely well." Again, my eyes met Sephiroth's bright green glare. "Of course, I did have the best teacher."

    My master smiled at me. "Why thank you, Venustas."

    "Forgive me for asking, Sephiroth, but I've been wondering what this name you call Tseng means." My boyfriend took a sip of wine.

    Reeve mumbled, "I've been wondering the same thing for years."

    "It means beauty," Sephiroth explained, "it's Latin. I apoligize for using such an affectionate name so frequently."

    "Oh, it's all right," Benjamin assured him, looking at me affectionatly. "There's no denying the truth."

    I felt my cheeks start to burn, and I stood, blushing. "I'll get desert." Quickly, I retreated into the kitchen.

    The others started to talk again as I went into the freezer to pull out a carton of mint chocolate chip ice cream, my personal favorite. The box felt a bit light, and I opened it with a frown. To my horror, there was nothing left but the remnants stuck to the sides. For some idiotic reason, I had shoved the empty box back into the freezer. Sometimes I could be so lazy. "Aw, dammit!"

    A moment later, an arm slipped snuggly around my waist, and a kiss was placed to the back of my head. "What's wrong, sweetie?"

    I sighed, showing Benjamin the empty box. "I ate it all."

    He chuckled quietly, nuzzling me. "You're too cute."

    "I have no desert. What am I going to do now? Reeve might attack me with his fork."

    Pressing another kiss to the side of my head, Benjamin released me. "Don't worry about it. I'll go out and get some for you." He started walking back into the dining room.

    "You're too good to me," I mumbled, following him. "You don't have to go."

    "But I want to." He shot Sephiroth and Reeve one of his great smiles. "Tseng ate all the ice cream. I'm going to get more."

    I blushed.

    "Clearly you were never a boy scout." Sephiroth's eyes sparkled, but his face remained deadpan. "Don't you know you're supposed to be prepared, Tseng?"

    "Very funny." I started to move to the front door to get Benjamin's coat out of the closet. "I'll get your coat."

    "Darling, I can get my own coat." He followed me.

    My apartment isn't so big, but it's nice for the rent I pay on it. As soon as you come in, you can either go right, or you can go left. Going to left brought you to my bedroom. A door from there lead you into the sitting room, where there was basically a couch, a tv, and a lamp. To the right when you came in was a small hallway leading into the dining area, which, of course, led to the kitchen, which also led to the sitting room. And right when you came in there was a nice long stretch of wall, with a mirror, and a coat closet.

    I handed Benjamin his coat, and waited until he put it on before I grabbed him around the waist and held him against me.

    "You don't really mind that Sephiroth uses pet names for me, do you?" His eyes met mine.

    "No, not at all." Smiling, he added, "don't worry about it."

    "Make sure you get mint chocolate chip."

    "I will." Brushing my cheek he added, in a softer tone, "I'll also get a movie we can watch after they go home."

    "Don't get anything that's going to corrupt my mind," I kidded, raising my eyebrows seductively.

    "Get that cute little mind of yours out of the gutter." He kissed my forehead. "I'll hurry back."

    I kissed my fingers quickly and pressed it to his lips. "You're too good for me."

    "Baby, I don't even come close." With another grin, he left my apartment.

    I sighed happily, staying where I was a moment longer. I couldn't wait to be alone with Benjamin later.

    So I turned to walk back to the dining room, but as I was walking down the hallway I could hear Sephiroth and Reeve talking. I was just going to walk in, until I heard what they were talking about.

    "You know, you could stand to be a little nicer to Benjamin." That was Sephiroth.

    "Excuse me?" Reeve replied, sounding defensive. "What are you implying?"

    "What's to imply? You're downright cold to him. You haven't been all too nice to Tseng either lately, and he's your best friend. You've got no reason not to like Benjamin." There was a pause before he added casually, "unless you're jealous."

    "Jealous?!" Now he was sounding *very* defensive. "Why would I be jealous?"

    "Because you want him. And you're jealous because now you can't have him."

    "I don't *want* him! Tseng's my friend! I'm *not* gay."

    "I'm not saying you are. I'm saying you're *bisexual* and you won't let the other half come out of the closet because you're a coward."

    "That's not true at all! Stop it!" Reeve snapped.

    I couldn't believe they were fighting. I have to go and stop this.

    But before I could, I heard Sephiroth's reply.

    "Fine. I will. But at least be civil to Benjamin. He's a very nice guy, and Tseng needs this more than you could possibly understand."

    "Oh, I think I can understand. *I'm* his best friend here."

    "You've never slept with him."

    "Maybe you would like to enlighten me." His tone was sharp like a thorn.

    "Tseng has a bit of an unhealthy attachment to sex. He uses it to deal with his problems."

    "...how's that?"

    "He has this idea that sex can releive all his frustrations. He sees it as the only real way that he is wanted. I don't even know where this frame of mind came from."

    I froze, back pressed against the wall, barely breathing.

    "What do you mean? Weren't you the first person he ever slept with?"

    "I used to think so, but the more I think about that first time, the more I think that he *had* to have had intimacy with someone else before he came to work at Shinra. I was the first to take his virginity, but I wasn't the first to touch him like that."

    I could feel the sweat dripping down the back of my neck.

    "As if he wasn't young enough when you slept with him," Reeve shot back. "Well, who do you think it was?"

    "I really don't know. He never spoke to me about it."

    "Me neither. And I thought he told me everything."

    "He doesn't tell anyone everything. He's very secretive. Makes you wonder once in awhile..."

    "Hmn." Then Reeve was silent.

  God, they're talking about me. God, not like it 's anything too terrible, and most of it is true but... It was a bit difficult to catch your friends talking about you, no matter if it was in a positive or negative light. I decided the best thing to do was to walk in there as though nothing had happened.

    "Benjamin will be back soon," I told them as I entered. I realized that Reeve had taken out his carton of cigarettes and was in the process of taking one out. I had never came to a dead halt so fast. "You can't smoke in here."

    Reeve looked at me with a questioning glance. "Why not?"

    I just shook my head, looking down. "You just *can't*, okay? I don't want anyone smoking in my apartment."

    "Fine, I'll just take it outside!" Reeve declared, standing and slamming down his chair in the process. He brushed past me, heading for the door. I gritted my teeth and ran after him, catching him at the doorway.

    "Reeve! --Reeve, stop!" I had a firm grip on his arm and I wasn't letting go.

    Reeve glared back at me, trying to shake his arm free. "I'm taking it outside. What, do you have another problem?"

    "No, but I think you do!" I released his arm, but I did not release him from my glare. "Ever since that experiment you have been nothing but cold to me. And you're even worse when Benjamin's around!!" I shook my head and went on. "I don't get it! Is something wrong, Reeve? What is it? Can't you tell me? I'm your best friend, aren't I?"

    It was then I realized Reeve had tears in his eyes. "Maybe you were once." His voice was choking up, but he continued. "But now you're so busy with Benjamin that it seems you don't have time for me anymore. You used to try and visit me once a day, remember? I haven't even hugged you in so long...it seems like..." A hand went up to cover his eyes, as he was choking on his tears now. "It seems like you don't feel the same way about me anymore."

    I didn't even hesitate a moment as I took him into my arms and let him cry on my shoulder. My friend grabbed my shoulders and dug his fingers into my flesh, as if I was the only thing keeping him alive. Gently, I held his head down, stroking his hair subconciously.

    "Oh, Reeve. I'm sorry. You're right, I have been neglecting you," I whispered, directly into his ear. "I'm so sorry. I'll come see you more often. It will be just like it was. My feelings towards you have not changed, and they never will. *Ever*. Never doubt how I feel about you, all right? *Never*." I sighed, kissing the side of his head. "And I want you to come to me when you're upset. You always lock everything away. That's no good."

    He drew away from me slightly, his eyes red from crying. "I love you," he said. "It's not the same...but...I love you. I really do."

    "You know how I feel about you, Reeve." I wanted to say the words, but I had promised him I wouldn't. "You'll always be my best friend."

    "Benjamin's a lucky guy." He smiled at me and wiped away his tears. "I'll be right back."

    He left, and I wondered what *that* was supposed to mean.

    Bewildered, I returned to the dining room, where Sephiroth immediately gave me a disapproving look.

    "Don't give me that," I said firmly, beginning to clear the table. "You know I love Reeve. I'm just hoping I can love Benjamin too."

    "That makes both of us. I still say he's sending you more mixed signals than a broken trasmiter."

    I deposited some dishes in the sink and came back for the rest. "Sometimes he confuses me too."

    "No kidding. What was that about an experiment?"

    "Nothing." I placed the remaining dishes in the sink and then joined my master once more. "It was nothing."

    "You didn't sleep with him, did you?"

    "Oh god no," I assured him, sitting again. "I'm not that lucky."

    "Hmn." He was silent a moment. "...Speaking of sleeping with others... You haven't slept with Benjamin yet, have you?"

    I shook my head no. "We're taking it slow."

    "Good. I'm telling you, Tseng, he's the best thing that ever happened to you."

    "It feels good not to need sex," I admitted.

    "Of course it does. You can't spend your entire life sleeping with everyone you meet just to feel wanted."

    I almost told him about Bryatt, but I stopped myself. Instead I just rested my head on my hand and decided the night wasn't such a total loss after all.

    Now Benjamin was sitting on the couch in the sitting room, dressed in jeans and a white t-shirt, fast forwarding the movie past the previews. I was in the bedroom, changing into black shorts and a gray sweat shirt.

    "Reeve actually shook my hand, can you believe that?" Benjamin sounded so happy that he was finally able to connect with Reeve. I was glowing about it myself. "Did you have anything to do with this?"

    "A little," I admitted, tying my hair back in a pony-tail as I came and joined him on the couch. "We had a little talk when you went out to get the ice cream. He was a little bitter, because I had been spending so much time with you, and leaving him out." I sat on the couch, then lay down with my head in his lap, looking up at that pretty face. "So I promised to see him more. Reeve can be very fragile."

    "Well I'm glad it's all water under the bridge." Benjamin tried to stroke my hair, but was annoyed by the ponytail holder. "Darling, if you're going to lie like this, you have to leave your hair down so I can run my fingers through it."

    "Oh, fine," I huffed, sitting up and pretending to be annoyed. Dramatically I pulled my hair free from the holder and shook it all loose. "Is that to your liking?"

    "Beautiful." He kissed the side of my head. "You have such beautiful hair. It's a sin to put it back."

    I nipped at his lips with a smile and then lay with my head in his lap again, facing the screen this time. "What did you get?"

    "A sappy romance. Right up our alley." He stroked my hair as promised as he reached for the remote with the other hand and pressed play.

    "This better not make me cry," I warned him.

    "If you start crying, I'll kiss all your tears away."

    "I might have to cry on purpose then."

    We watched the movie in silence. The only movement was the steady rhythm of Benjamin's fingers through my hair. It was so soothing and affectionate, I felt bad for not returning the gesture. So I ever so slowly began running my fingers over his inner thigh, watching my own fingers move more than the movie.

    Benjamin stiffened, and his fingers stopped in my hair. "Tseng..."

    I sat up, sat up so I could look at him. "What? What is it?"

    "God you... My beautiful darling..." Taking my face in his hands, he whispered, "it's a big step, but I want to do something to you."

    "Anything," I replied, a bit breathless.

    Ever so gently, Benjamin leaned me back on the couch, leaning over me, his eyes never leaving mine. His hands ran up and down my sides, causing me to shiver. Suddenly, I felt like a virgin all over again. "I want..." Benjamin whispered, raining kisses over the side of my face, "I want to take you into my mouth....and I want...I want to taste you." His kisses trailed over my eyes.

  Oh god, he wants to give me a blowjob. "Oh yes," I whispered, hands roaming over his back. "Yes, please..."

    Then he kissed me, gently, but deeply, our tongues sliding against one another's as his hands continued to glide up and down my sides.

    The movie played on, forgotten.

    "Oh...Ben..." I moaned softly as he slid his lips down my neck, kissing gently. He was always so gentle with me. It was such a change from the frantic pace Sephiroth and I always had.

    He was kissing up the front of my throat now, his hands wandering under my t-shirt and pushing it up, revealing skin. "You're so beautiful, my darling. *So* beautiful." His lips lingered on my jawline before returning back down my throat once more.

    I bent my head back, gasping and giving him better access as I tugged at his shirt, running my fingers over the lightly tanned skin. My lashes fluttered closed, and all I concentrated on were his lips and fingers heating up my skin.

    "Angel..." he breathed against my collarbone. Instead of freeing me of my shirt, he instead began to kiss my chest through the fabric, locating one of my nipples and sucking on it dilligently.

    "Oh..." I shuddered, tangling my fingers in his brown hair. "Oh, Ben, that feels so good...."

    "Mmmm..." He was moaning softly as he moved lower, pressing a kiss just below where my shirt had been pushed up to reveal my stomach. "God...." His lips left me as he ran a single finger over my stomach, to the barrier of my shorts. "God... I can't believe this is mine."

    Mine. He said it. *Mine*. The most beautiful word I could ever hear. How I loved to be posessed, to belong to someone else. It seemed I needed nothing more but to *belong*. "Oh......yes.......yours......all yours......every inch of me."

   "And every inch of me is yours," he whispered, beginning to kiss my stomach. His kisses were slow, open mouthed, and so wonderful. I could feel myself trembling. "You're shaking," he commented, stopping all his attention to my body for a moment, and instead crawling up to be face to face with me. "Are you all right?"

    "Yes, I'm fine..." I whispered, hands travelling restlessly over his neck and shoulders. "I'm sorry, this is just... I'm not used to this. It hasn't been like this in a long time..."

    "Like what, darling?" he stroked my cheek.

    "Ah...so slow...so..so caring," I admitted, eyes falling shut as I nuzzled against that hand. "Sephiroth and I.... We just used to fuck. I mean, not that we didn't care about one another but.... It was different, with him. With you it's like...every little thing you do to me... It all makes me feel so good..."

    He pressed a kiss above my eye, hands sliding up and down my sides once more. "I couldn't be anything with you but gentle," he whispered, lips brushing over mine. "Because that's how you make *me* feel."

    "Ben..." I choked out his name, pulling him down into a long kiss.

    He undressed me, slowly and completely, every scrap of my clothing ending up in a pile on the floor. I easily slipped his shirt over his head and dropped it in the pile with mine, pressing kisses to his exposed shoulders, his neck, anything I could reach. Then I was on my back again, and he was leaning over me, kissing me, every inch of me. My lover left trails of heat over my chest and down my stomach. He made soft, possessive moans as he licked and kissed my inner thighs. Then he took me in his mouth and swallowed my release, my body shaking and thrashing beneath his.

    I was trembling and gasping, dripping with sweat as Benjamin leaned over me again, covering the side of my face in kisses. "You're so responsive," he whispered, licking at my ear now. "I can only imagine what it would be like making love to you."

    "Ugh...." A strained moaned escaped my lips at the very suggestion, and I grasped his shoulders. "Ben..."

    "It gives me something to look foward to." A quick kiss to my parted lips and he sat up.

    "Ben..." I sat up too, regaining my breath. "Ben, let me return the favor."

    But he shook his head. "You don't need to."

    "Need to? God, I *want* to." I slid a hand around his neck, running my hands through his hair.

    Again he shook his head. "It's all right. I don't want to take so much at once."

    "Let me....let me at least use my hand..." I whispered seductively, nipping at his ear. I came around behind him, sliding my arms around his lean waist and running my fingers over his stomach. "Benjamin..."

    "Ah..." He moaned lightly, leaning back against me. "A-all right."

    I coaxed him out of his pants and he leaned against me as I pleasured him. Benjamin mewled deperately, leaning against me still, and I placed kisses on his neck and held his hand in my free one. Once my hand was covered in white liquid, he rested all his weight on me, breathing hard as I licked my fingers clean. And there we sat for several minutes in almost complete silence: me, without a stitch of clothing, and him, left only in his boxers, cuddled there on my couch.

    Oh god, I thought, nuzzling against him. That was the only thought being processed through my whirling mind. There seemed to be no words, or even thoughts, for what had just occured, or the way it made me feel. "You're pretty responsive yourself."

    Benjamin turned back to look at me, and we met eyes. "You produce reactions from places I didn't know I had."

    "You're flattering me." My voice was trembling, almost in fear. Oh god don't... Don't let him say it...

    "No, I...." he yawned, eyes half shut already. "What time is it?"

    "It's past midnight." I could barely see the clock from where I was.

    "I'd better get going then." He stood, but I caught his wrist.

    "You can sleep with me," I offered. "Just because we're in the same bed doesn't mean we have to have sex." I stood too, and wrapped my arms around him. "That is, if you would want to."

    "I would love to hold you." The words were whispered, and he kissed my forehead.

    We went to bed without another word. Because, you see, it was half Benjamin's last sentence--three simple words--that I was so scared he'd say.

    "Oh... Oh... Tseng..."

    "B-Bryatt. ...Bryatt, hold me tighter..."

    "Tseng, I-I love you."

    "......................no."

    "What?"

    I looked up. The glint of the blue eyes, the brown hair. It was him. Bryatt. He was leaning over me, favoring me with a look of adoration. But, in another more obvious way, he was confused.

    "You don't. You don't love me."

    "Of course I do..." He went to touch my cheek, but I moved away.

    "No, no you don't." I sounded desperate.

    "Tseng...what are you talking about?"

    "I don't *want* you to love me! Don't!! Don't, please!" I begged.

    "Why?? Why not??"

    "Because!!" I was crying now, the sobs shaking my entire being. "I can't--I can't love you back."

    "It doesn't matter to me." He was approaching me now, Bryatt, just as I remembered him, approaching me with outstretched arms. "Tseng, I--"

    "NO!" I shoved him to the ground, violently. "I don't want to break your heart! I don't want to hurt you!"

    But blood, the cool, red fluid was flowing from his chest, right where his heart was. Bryatt grabbed at his chest, face contorted in pain, staring back at me with the beginnings of tears in his eyes. "You coward."

    I had never woken up so completely terrified in my life.

    Sitting up like I had been shot out a cannon, I felt the coolness of the room sooth my burning skin. Drawing my knees to my chest, I put down my head and cried, rocking unconciously and repeating his name.

    "Oh, Bryatt, Bryatt, no! I never meant to hurt you! Never!!"

    "Tseng? Tseng, what's the matter?" I felt Benjamin's hand on my back, and I stiffened.

    "Don't look at me!" I begged him, my face by my arms. "God, don't look at me! I'm such a coward!"

    "Angel, what happened? What kind of nightmare was it??"

    "I'm not supposed to cry!" I exclaimed. "Don't look at me!"

    "Tseng, snap out of it!!" Benjamin grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me. "You're hysterical!!"

    My tears slowed as he held me firmly by the shoulders, looking at me with the same look of concern that Bryatt had just before... "I'm sorry..." I whispered, a tear whispering over my lips. "So sorry."

    He held me close without a word, cupping the back of my head in his hand, and letting me recover against his shoulder.

    "I don't deserve to be a Turk...." my voice was almost non-existant. "I'm such a coward."

    "Nonsense," Benjamin muttered, kissing my head gently. "I'm sure it was a very disturbing dream."

    Oh god, if he only knew.

    "Sephiroth." Because he held the top position in SOLDIER, Sephiroth had a small office, which was more for constructing battle plans than anything else. I stepped inside, and he was seated behind his desk, going over some paperwork.

    "Ah, Tseng." He looked up with a sort of half smile playing around his lips. "What happened last night after Reeve and I left you two alone?"

    ".....I need to talk to you." I hesitated before speaking, but once I got the words out I was rushing them, quickly coming to kneel at Sephiroth's side.

    My master looked at my strangely. "What's the matter? You're like a begging child!" Electric green eyes widening slightly, he whispered urgently, "you didn't sleep with him, did you?"

    "No," I assured him with a nod of the head. "No, he wouldn't even consider it. Stop worrying about that."

    "Then what is it, Venustas? Something must be terribly wrong with you--I've never seen you like this."

    I acted more like a begging child as I put my head in his lap, sighing softly as I said, "I'm scared."

    "Tseng? Scared? Scared of what?"

    "........scared he'll say it."

    "Here--look at me." He lifted my chin and forced our eyes to meet. "Say *what* little one?"

    I shut my eyes. I had to. I could not look Sephiroth straight in the eyes as I admitted it. "......say that he loves me."

    "Tseng?....what does that mean?"

    "......It means I don't want him to fall in love with me." Again I shook my head, and I could feel the tears burning behind my eyelids. God, there I went, crying again. Is this really only fear? Or is there guilt that goes along with it? ".....because I can't love him. I can't. I can't. I just can't." Again I put my head in Sephiroth's lap, and cried softly.

     "Tseng! Tseng, look at me!" He grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me until we were eye to eye again. "Why can't you? What's the matter?"

    "I love Reeve--he's the only one I love! He's the only I can *ever* love! Even before him, I couldn't love. I heard you and Reeve talking last night. I *did* have someone before you. He loved me till his dying breath, and as much as he meant to me, I *never* loved him! And I never loved you! And I'll never love Ben. Not ever! Even though I adore him, and I love being with him, I can't love him, because I am *so* in love with Reeve! And I feel so terrible! I feel like I'm spreading this disease where I make people fall in love with people who can't love them back! I don't want Ben to fall in love with me, I don't want him to feel what I feel, when you tell someone you love them, and they can't say the same. I don't want to break his heart, like I did to Bryatt. I know I hurt him, I have nightmares about it, and I don't want to do that again! Never, ever!" I was babbling and stuttering and crying and stumbling as poured my heart out, right there, on my knees.

    "Tseng!" Sephiroth was trying to calm me firmly. "If you close yourself off like that, of *course* you'll never be able to move on."

    "Don't give me that shit," I hissed at him, wiping my red eyes. "You know full well you're being a hypocrite, telling me I'll be able to love another when you know yourself that the only man you'll ever love is Vincent! That's just how I feel! You and I are the same, don't you see? Except he loved you back like you loved him. ...Reeve may love me but....it's not in the way I love him. And it never will be." And then I was completely silent.

    Sephiroth said nothing. He got up and went over to the window.

    I stared at him. "You know it's true.  So why then. Why are you trying to force me into something I don't want?"

    "Of course I know it's true!" He whirled around, electric green eyes flashing as he moved to the floor and grabbed me so hard by the shoulders that it hurt. "Don't tell me the obvious! Of course I know! Every time I look at you I know! But in many ways we are *not* the same. I *had* my love. It was brief, and I was young, but god, I *had* it. I loved Vincent, and he loved me, and I know what it feels like to be loved and love in return! I know what it feels like to make love to someone you would give your existence for! And I know what it's like to lose that one person that you need to *live*. I know what that's like too. And I *know* how much that *kills* you inside. ...But I know how *much* it's worth it." I watched in shock as the great Sephiroth's eyes filled with tears. "You'll probably never know what that feels like, Tseng. ...What I had once....with Vincent. God, what I wouldn't give for one more day. But still, I'm...I'm glad I had it at all."

    I cupped his face in my hands as a single tear ran from his eye. "Sephiroth......say it. Go and say it."

    "I....I...." another tear fell. "I feel sorry for you, Tseng. *So* sorry."

    My mind was void of all thoughts as I wiped his tears away with my thumb. "Don't cry, masuta."

    "I...I haven't cried in so long...."

    Silently I put his head to my shoulder and let him weep. And I simply sat there, with an expressionless face and an expressionless soul, wishing for the first time in my life, that there was no such thing as love at all.

    A paper crossed my desk, a new mission, from Heidegger. I picked it up, glanced it over. Apparently, the company wanted me to go out and apprehend a young girl, aged 14, who was the last surviving ancient. Ancients were a race that were very connected to the planet and would someday find the Promised Land, or the land of supreme happiness. These people were so in tune with the planet, that they could actually hear the voices of the planet speaking to them.

    My hands shook as I read the last words over and over, trying to tell myself what I was seeing wasn't true.

    "I can........feel it."

    "The planet speaks to me, Tseng. ....It's full of voices and noisy."

    "Your family doesn't want you to be sad, Tseng. They love you."

    I placed the paper down on my desk, feeling a sort of void come over me. It couldn't be. It couldn't be Aeris. It had to be someone else. That...that just can't be....

    Glancing at the name, I froze in dead horror. There it was, Aeris Gainbourgh, clear as a pool of fresh rain.

    Shinra Inc. wanted me to capture the first friend I ever had.

    Scolding myself for losing my composure, I stood, deciding that I did not care. These were official orders. Official orders from Shinra which saved my life. More than anyone else ever did for me. I had to do whatever they wanted, without a thought, without a question.

    And I set off to do just that.

    But my suborindates were not to be found. I searched the lounge, the gym, and even the lobby, but had come up with nothing. I tried Heidegger's office, but my boss had not seen them either. He gave me a hard smack across the face and told me to find them soon, or he would give me a beating I'd never forget. I felt so irresponsible. Sephiroth hadn't seen them, nor had anyone in the mailroom. As a last ditch effort, I knocked on the door to Reeve's office.

    "Come in!" Cheery mood? Reeve? Surprising.

    I went in. "Hello, Reeve."

    "Hey, Tseng. Are you on duty?"

    "I am."

    "Oh. Well, what's up then?"

    "I am looking for Reno and Rude. Have you seen them?"

    Reeve was thoughtful a moment before he replied, "actually, I have. I was walking down the hallway not so long ago and I saw them. Reno was hiding something. So it looked, anyway.

    "I see." I actually gave him a small smile. "Thank you."

    "You're welcome. And good luck on today's assignment." He picked up a piece of paper and waved it around a bit. "Even *I* was informed about *that* one."

    "Thank you. I'll see you later, all right?"

    "All right." He crumpled up a blank piece of paper and attempted to toss it into his wastebasket. Unfortunately it hit the rim and fell to the floor. "Aw, dammit."

    I cracked a small smile as I left. "Bye, Reeve."

    "Bye, Tsengy."

    I shut Reeve's office door and paused a moment. Tsengy? Reeve's never called me *that* before.

    But a noise from a nearby closet distracted me.

    "Yo, man! We'll get caught! Do it quieter!"

    *That* was Reno. Paling, I went over, griped the handle and swore that if *they* were making out, I would never be the same again.

    Thankfully, they weren't, but as I opened the closet I was shocked to behold my two Turks huddled around a bottle of cheap wine. I caught Rude mid-sip.

    "Aw, shit!" cursed Reno, turning to glare at Rude. "God dammit! I told ya we'd be caught."

    Rude said nothing.

    With a sigh I kneeled and they looked up at me from their positions on the floor. "I spend all afternoon seaching for my fellow Turks--I search the building over and get smacked around by Heidegger, only to find them illegally drinking cheap wine in a broom closet."

    "Shit." Another obsenity sprang from the red head's alcohol coated lips. "You asshole, Rude, we're gonna be fired now."

    Even though his eyes were shielded by glasses, I could tell Rude was glaring at his friend. "It was *your* idea, Reno."

    My eyes were on Reno. "Reno..."

    "I'm really sorry," he rushed, "it's just, this was lying around, and we were curious, ya know? So we came in here to drink it."

    "It's all right," I said, shocking even myself. "I understand where you're coming from. Just don't....don't let me catch you again."

    Reno blinked at me in blue eyed wonder, completely still. And Rude, to my surprise, bowed his head to look at me over the lenses of those sunglasses for the first time ever. And I stared right back.

    "Now let's go. We still have work to do." Breaking the eye contact with Rude, I got back to my feet.  Sex, alcohol, it's all the same if you really think about it. I can't blame them for something I did.

    "Hey, thanks, Tseng. You're pretty cool." Reno smiled at me, before his look changed to one of concern. "Heidegger hit you? You all right?"

    "I'm fine," I assured him. "Don't concern yourself."

    Rude straighted up to his full height, which was a full 6'5" which was taller than Sephiroth and made my 5'11" look like a midgit. Everyone I knew was taller than I was, except for Reeve. We were about the same height. But Rude looked down at me, over his glasses, and said, "thanks."

    I couldn't have been more shocked if Sephiroth cartwheeled down the hallway singing "There's No Business Like Show Business", and I'm sure I did a poor job of hiding it. A moment later, I nodded, looked him straight in the eye and said, "you're welcome."

    And although no one said it then, and no one ever did, I think that was the moment we really were a team.

    The mission. Aeris. I thought it would go well. I knew her. We were friends. We had been good friends. We had been close friends. And even though I hadn't seen her in five years, I didn't think anything had driven a wedge between us.

    I said, "We want you to return Aeris to us. We've been searching for her for a long time."

   "No! Never!" She cried.

    I was confused. I was her friend. I was with Shinra. Did she think any harm would come to her? "Aeris, you're a very special child. You are of special blood. Your real mother was an 'Ancient'.The Ancients will lead us to a land of supreme happiness. Aeris will be able to bring happiness to all those in the slums. That is why Shinra would like Aeris' cooperation......."

    "He's wrong! I'm not an Ancient! I'm not!" She sounded desperate.

    "But Aeris, surely you hear voices sometimes when you're all alone?"

    "No, I don't!"

    Liar. She told me herself she did. Did she honestly think I would fall for that? As she fled the house I followed, calling her name and losing my compsure a moment. I had to complete my mission, and if that meant acting for a moment. "Aeris! Where are you going? It's me----Tseng! Remember?"

    She stopped, turned. The look in her eyes was one I had never seen, not from Aeris, not ever. Her blue eyes were tear clouded, narrowed. She looked angry. "I wish I didn't remember. You, Tseng--you were my friend! I *hate* the Shinra. *Hate* them! You're a terrible person! What have you done?? I never want to see you again!!"

    I was frozen in place, watching as she ran off. I wasn't even able to breathe.

    Now here I was, back in the helicopter, staring silently out the window. I hadn't said a word since I stepped on board.

    "Tseng? You all right, man?"

    "I'm fine, Reno," I whispered.

    Rude said nothing, of course.

    "You okay? Somethin' happen back there with that kid?"

    "No. It's fine." I'm just hated. *Depised* by the first friend I ever had. I feel worthless. And why? Why, it's because of this company. Why, why is it that the one thing I need to live makes me hated so much by the people I care about? I bent my head down and whispered, "just leave me alone."

    Reno must have been concerned, but he was silent for the rest of the trip back to the headquarters. When we landed, my brain was in a haze. I felt like a robot as I reported my findings to Heidegger and told him I was unable to take the girl.

    "Shit," cursed Heidegger. "We thought she would come willingly. Dammit." He smacked the desk with his feet. "Oh well, we'll get her next time. We're not the type to give up, are we, Tseng?"

    "No, sir."

    "Very well, you're done for the day. Go home and rest up for tomorrow."

    "Yes, sir."

    I almost broke down right outside the office door. It was as though every emotion I had been struggling to repress since that afternoon flooded into my soul and overwhelmed me all at once. I felt abadoned, I felt hated, I felt useless, I felt unneccessary, and, most of all, I felt unloved.

    There was one thing I needed, and only one person I needed it from.

    Somehow I made it all the way to Benjamin's apartment. I don't even remember how I got there, just that I did, and I stood banging on his door, tears streaming down my face as I choked to breathe.

    "Tseng?" Benjamin opened the door and stared at me in shock. "Tseng? Are you all right?? What's the matter?"

    I stepped inside, shedding my jacket. "Ben... Ben...I... I can't explain it."

    "That's all right, sweetie. We can just sit down and you can tell me what's wrong."

    "No, no... I need you."

    "What?"

    I was backing him up, into the wall, crying, and hysterical to the point where only one thing had the power to calm me and soothe my fears. "I need you, Ben. Please..." My own voice was shaking.

    "Tseng..." Now that I think back on it, he looked scared. "I..."

    "Make love to me, Ben. *Please*." I was almost begging him. "*Please*, Ben. I need you, I need you." I put a hand to my forehead and tried to take a breath and stop my tears, but nothing would work. "Oh... Oh, please."

    "Tseng..." he took my shoulders in a shaking grip. "Do you know what you're saying?"

    I put my hands on his shoulders, my own grip perfectly sturdy. "I know, I know we wanted to take it slow, and I know how you wanted this.... But Ben..." I leaned closer, my breath whispering on his lips. "Ben...I...I need to feel you.....I...I...need to know.... I need to know someone's there...."

    He looked me straight in the eyes and said, "what happened to you?"

    "Ben......" I was unbuttoning his shirt and running my fingers over his smooth skin. "I can't make you understand.... Ben...." His shirt hit the floor, and I started on my own, letting it fall from my shoulders. Then I wrapped my arms around him, pressing my chest against his. "....If you feel anything for me at all....you'll....please..."

    "Oh....Tseng...I...." then he kissed me, hard and rough, not like I was used to from him at all. And I loved it. Kissing him back desperatly, I wrapped a leg around his waist and forced myself up against him. Ben moaned loudly, digging his hands into the skin of my shoulder as he pressed back against me, holding me as close as possible.

    Somehow we managed to make our way to the bed, stripping one another further, kissing and caressing one another, holding one another close. The sheets were cool against my skin as he kissed my lips all the more insistantly, my face cupped in his soft hands. I was whimpering as I kissed back, wanting more, needing more of him. And with every motion of his hands, every movement of his lips, I felt wanted, I felt needed and appreciated. It made me forget about everything that bothered me, and I concentrated on the pleasure and the emotion of having him with me, and inside me.

    "Oh!! Oh, Ben!! Oh!! Oh, gods!!"

    "Tseng..." whispering lips gliding over my neck and finding mine as he rocked gently into me. "Ugh...oh...."

    "Yes...yes..."

    "Oh.......Tseng......"

    "Ben, oh, Ben...." I clung to him as if he were my lifeline, and truly, at that moment, he really was. And as released washed through the both of us, I really felt as though my soul was being cleansed---at least temporarily.

    Afterwards we lay entangled, covered in sweat and panting as we rested against one another.

    "Oh god... Oh god..." I panted, holding his body tightly to mine. Ben was breathing on my shoulder. "Oh god....that was so incredible...."

    "Oh...... Oh, Tseng." He moved, lips hovering above mine. "*Incredible* puts it so lightly.... God....I....It never felt so..."

    Benjamin couldn't finish, but really, he didn't need to. I felt the same way. As good as it had been with Sephiroth, and it had been *good*, Ben and I had this caring that was at a level beyond the lust driven friendship Sephiroth and I had shared. Benjamin and I *had* a connection, even if it wasn't love. "I'm sorry," I whispered. I could still feel the remnants of tears in my eyes.

    "Sorry for what, darling?" he stroked my cheek with a look of adoration.

    "....sorry for coming in here....and forcing you to--forcing us to--"

    "Ssh...." he comforted me gently, pressing a kiss to my forehead. "It's all right, darling. So, we moved a little fast... It was.... It was beyond words."

    I nodded, but barely. "That was the best I've ever had. Really."

    "Mm. Me too." He bent to rain a few kisses on my neck, and I sighed contentedly.

    And we lay there for hours, just cuddling and kissing, and enjoying the intimacy of holding one another close. But he never said those three words I feared most. Never even hinted.

    And I hate to admit a tiny part of me wondered why.

    When I awoke the next morning, Ben was still there. He was still there, sleeping peacefully besides me. I looked at him, watching him breathe a moment. God, he is *so* beautiful. I thought with a small sigh, brushing hair off his face. If only I could love him. We could be happy together. But without Reeve, I could never be happy enough.

    My stupid PHS took the oppertunity to ring, and I cursed under my breath, upset that the moment was ruined. I reached to the floor and felt around for my discarded pants, coming up with them at long last and retrieving the disturbence from my pocket. "Tseng Tyutyuik."

    "Today." It was Heidegger.

    I frowned. "Today? All ready? I thought it was tomorrow."

    "No. We're ready now. Report in an hour."

    The mission. "Yes, sir." Without another word I hung up with a sigh and replaced the PHS in my pocket.

    "Mmm...what was that?" Benjamin was sitting up lazily, looking at me with half lidded eyes.

    I leaned over and kissed his forehead. "I have to go to work."

    "All ready?" he frowned.

    "Yeah......." I sighed in disappointment, taking his hand in mine. "Listen, Ben, last night was.....*amazing*. Really." I looked him straight in the eyes as I spoke.

    He gave me half a smile and squeezed my hand. "I feel the same way. You know I do."

    I had to lean over and kiss him, so I did, very lightly.  But Ben pulled me further into the kiss, seeking out my tongue with his. For a minute or two we both were lost, and our parting was reluctant. I was the one who had to draw away. "I have to go to work." With those words I stepped out of bed, seeking out my clothes and pulling them on.

    "Will I see you tonight?" he asked hopefully. "I...I was hoping we could repeat last night."

    I froze, half-way to picking up my jacket. He wanted to do it again? I was shocked, but thrilled. "Of course." I turned and met eyes with him. "We can repeat last night *every* night."

    He looked away, blushing slightly. "Don't let me keep you. You need to get to work."

    I straightened my tie and gave him one last lingering look. "Ben."

    He looked up. "Yes?"

    I blew him a kiss, gave him a smile, and then I was gone.

    Then the world faded out.

    When the world faded in, I immediatly realized I was not at home. The air felt different, the room seemed bare, and about five people were looking over me.

    "I...." I started, but stopped immediatly, not sure how to continue. I looked at the faces leaning above me. Ben, Sephiroth, Reeve, Reno and Rude. They were all looking at me, still and silent, and I glanced over at all of them, several times, before attempting to speak again. "....morning already?"

    Imagine my shock when Reeve broke down crying, leaning on Benjamin's shoulder for support.

    As my eyes adjusted and I looked around some more, I realized I was in a hospital. And everyone else was staring at me like I was a speciman behind glass. "W-what happened?"

    "Man, you got hit bad." I had never heard Reno so serious. "If it weren't for Rude, you'd be a goner."

    I tried my best, but for the life of me I couldn't remember. ".....hit?"

    Reeve was still crying.

    "On the mission," said Reno.

    I shook my head slightly. "I...I don't remember..." I said thoughtfully, probing my mind. "I remember what happened for that...and I remember pain....but....that's it... The mission..I...I don't remember it at all."

    "How are you feeling, Venustas?" Sephiroth reached down and brushed hair off my forehead.

    "....tired," I admitted. "How long was I.....unconcious?"

    "Two days." That was Rude.

    I looked at him. "You saved me."

    He nodded once.

    And I said nothing. Not a thank you, nothing. I just looked at him. I knew we were a team, but part of me was surprised he would go to lengths to save me, especially after some of the things I had said to him. But he looked back at me, peering over the sunglasses, and I instantly knew that whatever animostiy there had been between Rude and I was long gone. And we weren't just a team, but we were friends too. I managed to give him a weak smile, and he flashed a tight lipped smile at me before he returned to his familar expressionless appearence once more.

    "Look, uh....we gotta get back to work." Reno glanced at his friend and comrade. "Get better, okay, man?"

    "Okay," I answered him. "Thanks, Reno."

    He gave me a nervous smile and then he left. Rude gave me another long look before he followed suit.

    That left me alone with the three people I was closest to in the world.

    Reeve was still crying.

    "Reeve," I said, looking at him. "What's the matter?"

    He was crying too hard to answer me.

    "You almost died." Benjamin spoke for the first time, and he sounded almost lifeless. His eyes were glazed over as if he hadn't slept for days. "We were *all* worried about you Tseng." Hazel eyes met mine.

    I caught his gaze and kept it. "I-I......I'm......sorry?" I was at a loss for words, not sure what I wanted to say or what they wanted to hear.

    Benjamin put a shaky hand to his cheek and wiped a stray tear away. "Sweetheart, don't.... Ah... Sephiroth, let's..." he touched the older man's arm. "Okay?"

    "Right." He glanced at Reeve, who was hysterical, and then to Ben. "We'll leave them alone."

    Benjamin straightened Reeve up with a half smile, while Sephiroth kneeled at my side, kissed my cheek and whispered, "I'll talk to you later."

    Then he and Ben were gone, and I was alone with Reeve, who was trying to compose himself.

    My friend managed to stand up straight, wiping his tears away with his fingers, and I watched without a word as he finally looked up and we met eyes.

    As I had been, I was at a loss for words. "Uh.... Reeve?"

    His chin trembled, and he broke down again, rushing to my side and throwing his arm around me, sobbing into my shoulder. "Oh god! Oh thank god you're okay!! Oh thank god!"

    "Reeve...." I petted him, stroking the back of his head. "It's all right.... No need to cry... I'm fine... I've always been a hard one to kill."

    "Oh, I almost lost you.... I almost lost you." He was clinging to me desperately, "oh god, oh god, what would I have done?"

    I held him tenderly, a hand still wandering through his hair. "Oh, Reeve. Look at me. Come on..."

    I guided his chin up and forced our eyes to meet once more. "T-two days. I-I didn't even speak, I-I couldn't. I couldn't talk, I couldn't function. I had to take off from work because all I could think about was if you were all right, and so I just stayed here. By your side. As soon as I heard, I was here. I-I, god I, I don't even know what was going through my head. I was just *so* scared. I thought I was going to lose you, and I just could *not* even imagine that." Then imagine my surprise as Reeve leaned forward and kissed me firmly on the forehead. I simply blinked, senses tingling at this display of affection.

    "Oh....Reeve?"

    He kissed my forehead again, even more insistantly this time. "I love you." His voice was a bit shaky, but as firm as his touch. Our eyes met again, locking like they did so rarely, and I found I was lost once more. "It's not like... But I do. If you died I'd kill myself."

    "Oh stop it, Reeve," I scolded him. "Don't talk like that."

    "It's true, I...." his hands took my face, ever so gently, his lightly callused fingers whispering over my skin. "Oh, Tseng..."

    He was about to cry again, and I knew it. "Oh, Reeve. Come on..." I moved over in my hospital bed and let him lay down besides me. I wrapped my arms around him and held him close.

    He snuggled up besides me and sighed, "I'm acting just like a little kid."

    "It's all right," I assured him, kissing the top of his head. "Reeve....d-do you want me to say it?"

    My friend was silent a long time. Then finally he looked up and our eyes locked once more. "Yes," he said seriously, the remnants of tears still wandering around his eyes. "Yes."

    "I love you," I whispered, suddenly noticing our faces were intimately close. "I love you *so* much, Reeve."

    Shutting his eyes he nuzzled against my neck and whispered. "I never want to remember this... These past two days... I never want to remember this."

    I felt him press a kiss to my neck and I shuddered. "All right, Reeve." I whispered, cradling him in my arms. You might not want to remember it, but for one reason or another I think this will be one of the moments I treasure.

    Benjamin and Sephiroth returned to my room hesitantly, peeking in before I waved them inside. "It's all right. He's sleeping."

    "Good." Ben breathed a sigh of relief as he entered. "I mean we all went ballistic when we heard, but he definitely took it the hardest."

    "He never left your side," said Sephiroth.

    "I know," I replied looking down at Reeve again. "He told me."

    "I'm so releived you're all right, darling." Ben leaned over and kissed me gently. "You'll be perfectly fine now, the doctor says. And you'll be home in time for your birthday."

    "Oh yeah.....21...." I could hardly believe I was going to be that old. My reflective look dropped and I instead grinned devilishly at my friends. "I'm all grown up now."

    "We feared this day would come." Sephiroth had a twinkle in his eye as he spoke.

    "So did I." I grinned at him.

    Reeve mumbled something in his sleep and hugged me tighter. I kissed the top of his head as a reflex.

    "How long has he been asleep?" Ben asked me.

    "Not too long."

    "He's not bothering you, is he?"

    "Oh no," I answered Ben quickly as Sephiroth shot me a look. "Not at all." I shot Sephiroth a look of my own that clearly said 'back off'.

    My master straightened up. "Well, Tseng, we're glad to see you're so alert. Benjamin and I must unfortunatly return to work now, but we'll come back to see you as soon as we are able."

    "Thank you. Good-bye, masuta."

    "Sayonara." He turned and left.

    "See you later, all right, sweetie?" Ben kissed my forehead, then my lips. "I'll bring you more flowers."

    "Mmm....too good to me..." I mumbled, reaching out to nibble at his lips some more. He shot me a smile, kissed me once more, and left me with a wave.

    That left me alone with Reeve.

    "Oh, Reeve..." I sighed, tightening my arms around him and resting my cheek on the top of his head. "What am I going to do with you."

    Reeve snored lightly in response.

    I was still not sure *exactly* what happened to me. The doctor told me gaps in memory were expected after the severe tramua I had gone through. Reno offered to tell me the whole story, but I declined. I had a feeling that in this case, I was better off ignorant.

    "Benjamin, I can walk fine!"

    "I'm sorry, darling. I just want to help."

    "I know. But I'm fine. Really." We were coming through the door of my apartment, home at long last. There was still some pain when I walked, but I could manage fine on my own. "Ah, it's good to be back."

    Benjamin and Reeve filed in behind me, carrying my things. Reeve had stayed besides me every moment I was in the hospital. And we never tired of one another's company in the least bit.

    "In bed with you," Benjamin ordered gently. "You know you're not supposed to be on your feet too long."

    "Yeah, yeah," I sighed, slipping off my shoes and heading into my bed. I lay down slowly, settling against the pilliows with a contented smile.

    "The doctor said someone should watch him until he goes back to work."

    "I *know*. I was there, remember?"

    My ears perked up as I heard Benjamin and Reeve arguing in the hallway outside my room. I sensed an argument was not far off.

    "I was just saying that I think you've done enough. I have some vacation time coming up, and I would be glad to spend it taking care of him."

    "Save your vacation. I'll watch him. It's no problem. They don't care if I show up for awhile. The President told me himself that they wouldn't need me for awhile. I would much rather spend time with Tseng than sit on my ass at work and do nothing."

    "Yes, I appreciate that Reeve, but I'm his *boyfriend*."

    "I know that." Reeve nearly snapped. "So what? I've known him longer than you have."

    I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Putting a hand to my head I thought, geez, come on, I'm not that great.

    Benjamin sighed, mostly in annoyence. ".........fine. But when I come home from work, *I'll* take care of him, got it?"

    "You don't have to get so sharp with me."

    "*I'm* not the one who started it." There was a pause before Benjamin continued. "You know, you don't have to pretend you like me."

    "What?"

    "I said you don't have to pretend you like me for Tseng's sake."

    I breifly wondered if it was a good idea for them to finish this conversation or not. Why are they fighting now? I thought we settled this!

    "I heard you. I meant what do you *mean*?"

    "What do I mean?!" He was raising his voice now. "I mean you've been *very* cold and cruel to me these past few days. I thought we had ended this."

    "I...." Reeve sighed laboriously. "I....I'm sorry. I know I might have been acting a little cold to everyone, but... I can't explain how I feel. The thing is, I just want to be there for him. I don't like him the same way you do. He's just a very close friend of mine."

    I wonder why Reeve said that...

    "All right." There was a breif pause before Benjamin said, "I'll see you later."

    I heard the sound of a door closing, and he was gone. Seconds later Reeve entered my room, and I closed my eyes to pretend I'd been asleep.

    "Oh, don't bother with that phony shit," Reeve said with a grin, sitting at the edge of my bed. "You heard that whole thing, didn't you?"

    I popped my eyes open. "I think the whole building heard."

    "I'm sorry you had to hear that." Our eyes met. "Do you need anything?"

    I shook my head and moved over, patting the side besides me.

    Reeve smiled and removed his shoes, climbing next to me on the bed. "You don't mind spending the next couple of days with me, do you?"

    I grinned back at him. "What do you think?"

    "Grab the tv remote," he said, leaning back casually, "but be sure to warn me if I should close my eyes first."

    I couldn't help but laugh.

    Benjamin was staying with me at night now. He would hold me, kiss the back of my head and make me feel totally and completely comfortable. And as much as I enjoyed being held, I looked forward to my days with Reeve all the more so.

    In the morning Reeve and Benjamin would exchange such cold words that it made me uncomfortable. I guess the idea that they would ever be friends was one big joke. So, instead, I had to settle with them being civil with one another for my sake. But personally, I did not see what the big problem between them was.

    One day the stupid cable company decided they wanted to do some maintenance right in the middle of the day. That meant no tv for several hours. Reeve and I were sitting on my bed when I threw my remote control down in disgust.

    "Damn Shinra. Why today of all days?" Reeve mumbled. "I bet that soap opera was just gonna get good."

    "Now we'll never know if Catherine is Anna's sister's baby," I kidded, poking him. "Guess we'll have to actually talk."

    He laughed. "Hey, keep your hands to yourself."

    "Oh yeah?" I couldn't help grinning and I reached over, tickling him. "What was that?"

    Reeve was screaming with laughter, trying to half heartedly push me away. "Tseng! Tseng, stop it! You know I'm ticklish!"

    I was laughing too as I tortured him. I didn't notice that leaning over him eventually led to straddling him, and before either of us knew it, we were pretty close.

    "Stop it, stop it!" His eyes were closed, tears forming at the corners from crying so hard. "Tseng!" He finally managed to grab both my wrists and held them tight, esentially keeping me close to him without even noticing it. Because it was then that he opened his eyes, and how wide they grew.

    I was frozen too, and silent, only thinking about how easy it would be to kiss him, and trying to restrain myself from doing so.

    Reeve was searching my eyes for a minute, and then he said the last thing I expected him too. "We made out on Halloween, didn't we?"

    My own eyes widened. "What?"

    "Don't tell me you don't remember. ...We... We went upstairs and I.... And I did this...." Very softly he stroked a hand over my thigh. "Remember?"

    I shuddered. "Yes..." I practically moaned, trying not to tremble. "Of course I remember. I lied when I said I remembered nothing."

    "So did I." He paused and licked his lips. "I...I'm not *gay*, Tseng."

    "I know."

    "People do crazy things when they're drunk."

    "I know, Reeve." I had to shut my eyes. "P-please get your hand off my thigh." My voice was trembling as I struggled to restrain myself.

    "Oh, I'm sorry." He apoligized, releasing me.

    "I think I'm going to take a nap." I turned my back to him.

    "All right... ..... ...Um... Tseng?"

    "What?"

    "Did I... Did I say something wrong?"

    "No, Reeve. Don't worry about it."

    He said nothing more, and I yawned, suddenly feeling tired as I knew the drugs must have been kicking in. Before I knew it, I had drifted off to sleep.

    "I've always wanted you, Tseng, I just never admitted it." He then began to kiss my neck, fingers gliding over my bare chest and slipping under the fabric of my pants. "God, you're so beautiful. I don't know how I restrained myself."

    "Oh yes, Reeve... Oh yes..." I was sweating and panting, arching up to his every touch. "Please, Reeve. Please take me. I want you so bad...."

    "I want you more," he murmured, lips and tongue painting a trail down my chest. "*So* much more."

    /"Oh, Reeve... Oh gods, Reeve, yes... Yes... Reeve.... Reeve..."/

    "Tseng... Tseng..."

    /"Reeve.... Oh, I love you, Reeve..."/

    "Tseng! Tseng!"

    I awoke, feeling groggy, and seeing Reeve hovering over me. "...Reeve? What? What is it?"

    He frowned at me, brow furrowed. "What were you dreaming about?"

    I froze. Why the hell was he asking me that? I sat up quickly, running a nervous hand through my hair. "Why are you asking?"

    "Because you were talking in your sleep," he said flatly.

    A terror like no other washed over me, and I wondered just which parts of that I had been saying outloud. I had no idea I spoke in my sleep, no one had ever told me I did before... Was this something new? "Oh....shit..." I muttered. Quickly I looked at him, a hand going over my mouth. "What did you hear?"

    Reeve neatly cleared his throat. "To give you a general idea, you were *moaning* my name."

    "Oh, shit."

    "What were you dreaming about, Tseng?" he forced his eyes to meet with mine. Steady green, he didn't seem to be mad, just curious.

    Still, my eyes were frozen in shock. "I....oh...um....you were in it," I said stupidly.

    He gave me a look. "I think I get that much. And from what was coming out of your mouth, it sounded as if we were having sex."

    I was shocked he said it so plainly. "I...um...actually, we weren't quite to that point yet..." Turning away, I waved a hand at him, totally embarassed. "I'm sorry, Reeve. I know it must make you uncomfortable."

    "No, I'm interested...." he was right up against my back. "Do you fantasize about me a lot?"

    "Y-yeah," I admitted shakily. "I have since I was 15.... I can't help it, Reeve..."

    "Here." He put a hand on my arm and let me lean back against his chest, and I did, letting out the breath I had subconciously been holding. "Doesn't it make you uncomfortable being around me?"

    "N-no. I can manage just fine. I have for awhile."

    "....I have to admit I didn't realize how much you desired me." His fingers brushed my neck.

    I trembled, laughing lightly. "Well I guess now you see." I turned up to look at him. "Does it make you uncomfortable?"

    His eyes met mine. "No. Not at all." A gentle smile crossed his lips. "I... I just wish I..... I could want you the same way."

    I was shocked he would say such a thing. "If only," I whispered, unaware of my own words. "I would make you feel so good, Reeve."

    "I don't doubt that." Suddenly his forehead was resting against mine. "Do you love Ben, Tseng?"

    I was startled at his bold question, and my eyes widened once more, this time, however, I had to turn away. "I don't think you should ask me that."

    "I'm sorry," he apoligized, and he sounded sincere. "I was just... Well I..."

    I was starting to feel uncomfortable, and I pulled away from him, laying down besides him once again. "Look, Reeve, I appreciate every word of everything you say, but you don't have to act differently towards me than you would act towards a *straight* friend."

    He blinked. "What?"

    ".......You don't have to touch me so much." I had to turn my back to him. "People are starting to talk."

    "I'm not gay," he insisted. "I know what Sephiroth thinks, but I'm really not. I've told you that often enough."

    "I know, I know."

    "I feel a lot closer to you, Tseng, that's all."

    "It's driving me crazy!" I admitted. "Do you know how many times I just want to pin you and just kiss you? And I know I can't, and it drives me crazy!!" Curling up in a ball, I continued, "it's not good for me, Reeve."

    For a moment there was only silence. Finally I heard him say, "all right. All right, I'm sorry, Tseng."

    "Don't worry about it, Reeve. I-I just thought you should know."

    Before he could say anything else, the tv came back on, and we both turned to watch it.

    I sat up, rubbing my eyes lazily. Reeve put the paper down and stretched as Ben entered, smiling and holding a paper bag in one hand.

    "Hey. How did the day go?"

    "Pretty good," I answered before Reeve could say anything. "Except for the cable going out."

    "I see." He held up the bag in his hand. "I brought dinner."

    "Great, I'm starving." I began to climb out of bed.

    "I'll just be going..." Reeve mumbled, sitting at the edge of the table and reaching down for his shoes.

    "Won't you stay?" Ben asked kindly. "I brought enough for three."

    Reeve looked up at him, a look of shock written on his face. I looked at them both, and I instantly realized the peace offering taking place before my eyes.

    Reeve said, "I don't want to impose."

    Ben shook his head. "Don't be rediculous. I brought enough for all of us. Come on, let's eat."

    Reeve nodded, his face lighting up a bit. "All right. Thanks."

    I couldn't help smiling. I had been to Reeve's apartment many times, and he lived like your stereotypical messy, single genius did, and I knew for a fact he was the type to pull a three week piece of pizza crust out of the fridge for dinner. A meal from another source was always appreciated. Benjamin had definitely won some points there.

    And so we sat down to eat, the three of us, Ben across from me, and Reeve to my left. Although we both offered to help, Ben insisted on setting the table himself.

    "Good day?" I asked him as he finally sat down himself.

    "I can't complain," he sighed, picking up his fork. "Heidegger keeps whining about how he wants you to come back." He shot me a smile. "You're throughly missed."

    I didn't smile back. For some reason I just *couldn't*. "That's nice." I picked at my food.

    "Have their been many executive meetings lately?" Reeve asked Ben.

    Ben shook his head, swallowed, and wiped his mouth. "No. There really hasn't been much going on lately. The only executive that's been busy is Heidegger, and he's always busy."

    Reeve raised an eyebrow. "Surprising."

    "So what did you guys do today?" Ben asked casually, taking a sip from his water glass. "Since the tv was out, you must have been pretty bored."

    "We just talked," I answered, still looking down at my plate and picking at my food.

    "Are you all right, Tseng? You're not really eating."

    I looked up to see both Ben and Reeve looking at me with concern. "I'm fine," I assured them. "I'm just....thinking."

    Reeve gave me a questioning look that asked 'was it something I said'? I simple shook my head in response.

    "So what do you want for your birthday, sweetie?" I shuddered as I felt Ben's leg run up and down my calf.

    "Oh, I don't know." I finally began to eat. "I like to be surprised."

    The rest of the meal consisted of a lot of awkward silence. Reeve didn't feel comfortable talking to me around Benjamin, and vice versa, and I just had nothing to say. Still, I would have much rather been in silence than in the midst of the two of them fighting.

    When the meal was over, Reeve got up, thanked Benjamin quite graciously, and gave me a smile before leaving. I waited until I heard the door close before I spoke to Ben. "I think it worked."

    "What do you mean?" He was putting away the last of the dishes.

    "I think you won him over, at least temporarily." I got up from my seat and tip toed over to him like a cat stalking it's pray. He didn't take any notice.

    "Well, I don't want to fight with your best friend, Tseng." He brushed his hands off on his pants. "I want to try and make an effort."

    I grabbed him from behind and held him against me. He jumped, a bit startled, and let out a cute little giggle. "I can see why you're such a good Turk."

    Grinning, I pressed a kiss to the side of his neck. "This is going to sound very straight forward," I whispered, keeping my voice husky, "but I am *very* horny," yeah, thanks, Reeve, "and I would *love* to take you..." I pressed more kisses to the side of his neck.

    "Ah ha ha..." he laughed and moaned at once, leaning back against me. "Ever since our first time I've been longing to do it again..." he looked back at me. "Are you sure you feel up to it?"

    "I feel fine." Turning him in my arms, I kissed him, already working the buttons of his shirt. His hands were frantically roaming my back, eventually tangling in my hair and pulling me ever closer.

    "Mmmmmm..." he moaned, backing me into the bedroom as his hands wandered once again, ending up at my waist. "Oh... Tseng..." I began to suck his throat. "Oh.... I can't decide what I want more..." His hands fumbled at the fly of my pants.

    Most men struggle for dominence, but there is always the exception. Ben and I, we struggled to be the submissive. I always perfered to be on the bottom, but I let Ben win this time around. He deserved it. I made love to him, revelling in the feel of him clinging onto me, whimpers and moans escaping his lips. I had only done it this way a handful of times with Sephiroth, but with Ben, as it always did, it somehow felt so much better.

    After we had spent our energy I lay a top him, arms wrapped around him.

    "Ah...so good..." he moaned, nuzzling against my shoulder. "Tseng..." he pressed a kiss to my skin. "You're very quiet, you know, when you do that."

    I kissed him them, suckling gently at his lips before replying, "I'm concentrating. I don't want to hurt you." A small smile, and I stroked his cheek.

    "I love you," he said, and I froze. "I really do."

    I was startled, caught off guard, never expecting him to release the words so casually. And suddenly every muscle in my body had locked up, and the expression on my face must have been a sight.

    Benjamin, however, took no notice of my sudden lack of movement, and instead he wrapped his arms more tightly around me and pressed my head to his chest. "Oh, Tseng," his voice was choking up, and I knew he was crying. "I'm so glad you're here. I was so scared..... So scared you'd die..."

    "Oh, Ben..." I muttered, not lifting my head. "It's all right. I'm here. You don't have to cry."

    "I love you, Tseng. I didn't want you to ever go away without knowing that."

    I hugged him tighter. "Don't talk like that. I'm not going to go away from you."

    He sniffed back his tears, fingers wandering through my hair. "I'm sorry I... I'm sorry I'm crying."

    "Don't be sorry." I told him, as I felt a tear trickle down my own cheek. Because I'm crying too.

    I, however, was another story. I was still in bed, naked I might add, when Reeve showed up. I was bleary eyed and barely awake, still covered in various liquids. A vauge thought of changing the sheets flashed through my mind, but with a half registered thought of 'oh, screw it', I just relaxed and watched Reeve come to my side with a look and his hands on his hips.

    "Someone was busy last night," he commented.

    I covered my face and mumbled, "after you got me horny."

    He sat besides me. "I'll stop. Really. Why didn't you tell me it made you uncomfortable?"

    "Because in some ways I loved it." I uncovered my eyes, looking up at him. "I love touching you. I love it when you touch me."

    "You need to take a shower. And shave. You're starting to look like me."

    I chuckled. "Oh no. I can't look dorky."

    "Hey!" he whined. "I'm not dorky looking!"

    "It's all right, Reeve. I think it's attractive." I went to get up, but stopped dead in my tracks when I remembered I was naked. "I'm naked. Do you care?"

    "Oh just get up. What is this, junior high school? You're my best friend."

    With a shrug I pushed the covers aside and stood, stretching a little. I could have sworn Reeve was looking at me, but I really didn't care. "Make me some coffee," I ordered like a bratty child as I plodded off into the bathroom.

    "You're lucky I want some myself," he retorted. "Otherwise I wouldn't bother."

    I went into the shower. I soaped up, I shampooed, and I shaved. Not only my face, but my legs too. Sephiroth used to tease me, but I couldn't help it. It was just one of those things I *had* to do. I would have shaved my chest, had it been neccessary, but I was proud to say that was one area where I was naturally hairless.

    I was just finishing off with the bathgel, when I realized I had forgotten a towel.

    "Shit," I cursed, thinking of nothing else to do but to call Reeve. And so I did. "REEVE!"

    "WHAT?!"

    "I FORGOT A TOWEL! BRING ME ONE!"

    "FINE!" but he sounded put out.

    So I waited under the steady stream of water for Reeve to come with a towel, and as I stood there, a devious little plan conjured up in my mind. Usually, I would have never have done such a thing, but I couldn't resist just testing Reeve a little. And if it made him uncomfortable, all the better. The last thing I needed was all this friendly touching from him.

    Sephiroth would agree.

    Grinning, I picked up a sponge and waited.

    The bathroom door opened just enough for Reeve to toss in a towel, and he was about to do so when I called to him. "Reeve!"

    The door opened more, and my friend averted his eyes. "What?"

    "Can you come here?"

    "You want me to come in the shower with you?"

    "Not in the shower. Just come here."

    He did so, and I pulled the curtain across. "I'm having some trouble reaching the back of my neck. I'm still having some pain in my shoulder. Do you think you could get it for me?" I offered him the sponge.

    Reeve seemed to hesitate a moment. Then he took it without a word.

    I wanted to fall on the floor in surprise.

    "Turn around." His voice was soft, gentle even.

    Of course, I did.

    Instinctively I arched my back at the first whisper of the water soaked sponge against my skin. Reeve rubbed it gently along the back of my neck, massaging almost, and it felt really nice. I moaned softly, closing my eyes and trying my best not to get aroused by this.

    It was hard. He moved to my shoulders, my back, all the while keeping up the gentle motions. I was biting on my lip, trying desperately to keep from moaning loud enough to scare him off. Still, soft whimpers managed to escape my throat until Reeve really did us both a favor and stopped.

    "How was that?"

    How was that? Didn't he see me trying not to fall to my knees in pleasure? Instead I just said, "that was fine," and put my hand over my shoulder to collect the sponge, not wanting to turn around. Once it was safely back in my hand I thanked him and waited until he left to pull the curtain back and lean against the wall, panting.

  This is it, I thought as my hand began sliding instinctively towards the throbbing need between my thighs. Either this teasing with Reeve has got to stop, or I have to break up with Ben.

    Easily, I decided to keep Ben. He loved me, and he wanted me. But it filled me with disappointment when it was not his name I moaned that morning in the shower.

    Ah... 21.... The legal age to do everything I had been doing since I was 15. Almost made me want to laugh. But for me, a person who valued their youth very highly, I felt *old*. Even though all my friends were, what, thirty, twenty-seven, and twenty-six respectively. I had laughed at Sephiroth when he turned thirty. Now I realized as every birthday went by, I was one step closer to thirty too.

    "Uh..." I moaned, sitting up quite unhappily in bed the morning of my birthday. "Tell me it's not my birthday."

    "Mm...it is. You're 21," Ben assured me.

    I moaned unhappily once more, running a hand over my face. "It feels like I was 18 just yesterday."

    "And I feel like I was just 21 yesterday." My lover sat up and kissed the side of my head. "Don't worry about it, sweetheart. You're still beautiful." He eyed me a moment, letting a hand run down my back. "Very, *very* beautiful." Leaning over, he took my ear lobe between his teeth and nibbled gently on it.

    "Ooh..." I moaned, leaning my head towards him. "That feels *good*... Ben... Oh..." I moaned louder as he began to massage my chest. "Oh god...take me...you have to."

    "Again?" He was licking down my neck now. "We just had sex last night.... And it was quite satisfying, if I remember correctly." Sucking now.

    "But that was twenty sex. We have to have twenty-one sex." I purred, turning to face him and cupping his face in my hands.

    "Hm." He smiled, leaning in to kiss me. "Did you actually think I would turn you down?"

    He kissed me, hard, and pulled us both under the covers. Ben was being *very* playful, and between moans and cries of pleasure, I was laughing and yelping as he pinned me to the mattress, holding down both my wrists.

    "Mmm...." I sighed in contentment as he sucked dilligently at the side of my neck. "You should tie me up sometime."

    "Getting kinky on me?" he commented between kisses.

    "Sephiroth used to tie me up all the time," I explained. "I love it."

    He looked at me. "You *are* kinky." With a smile he added, "but sure. That would be fun to try sometime."

    Then he started tickling me.

    I was hysterical laughing. "Oh!!! Oh, Ben!!! Hehehehe!!! Stop that!!! Stop........oh....ugh...oh...oh, Ben...don't stop that..."

    Then, there came a knock at the door.

    Ben threw the cover back and stuck his head out to glance towards the door. I was panting, resting on my elbows, horny as hell and waiting to be released.

    "Come in!" called Ben.

    "Come in?!" I exclaimed, looking at him as if he had grown five heads. "Are you nuts?!"

    "Relax," he said. "I know who it is."

    And right on cue, Reeve and Sephiroth paraded on in, gifts in hand.

    "I see you were in the middle of something. Or maybe....at the beginning?" Sephiroth raised an eyebrow, a smile playing at the corners of his lips.

    "Ha ha," I said dryly, pulling the covers over my lower half. "Stop staring."

    "I wasn't."

    "Not you, Reeve." I reached to the floor and picked up my boxer shorts. "I was talking about the head of HORNY."

    "Now it's my turn to laugh." Sephiroth's voice was as dry as mine. "Ha ha."

    "Happy birthday, Tseng," Reeve congratulated me.

    "Yes, Venustas, happy birthday." Sephiroth came over, gave me a kiss on the cheek and placed my gift besides me. "And many more."

    "Thank you, masuta." I smiled at him.

    "Here you are, Tseng." Reeve placed my gift on the bed besides Sephiroth's and gave me a nice long look before leaning in and giving me the quickest kiss imaginable on the forehead. "I hope you like it."

    "Oh, I know I will."

    Ben and I, both now sufficiently dressed, got out of bed and strectched a little.

    "Okay, now that you've given me my gifts get out of my apartment," I kidded mid stretch.

    "Ah, so funny. But we're going to be here the *whole* day." Sephiroth smiled at me.

    I turned to Ben. "This was your idea, wasn't it."

    He shrugged, a half grin playing on his lips. "Who better to spend your big birthday with then your best friends."

    "I brought champagne," Reeve put in.

    "All right!" I exclaimed, suddenly excited. "Now *that's* a party."

    "I think the time has come for a game," Sephiroth suggested, placing his glass aside.

    "If it's chess, count me out. Reeve always wins."

    "Actually, I was thinking more along the lines of truth or dare."

    "And you're *how* old, Sephiroth?"

    "Sounds interesting to me," Ben put in.

    I jabbed him gently with my elbow. "I'm surprised at you!"

    He raised an eyebrow and tightened his arms around me. "Maybe there's a side to me you don't know."

    "Let's play," Reeve interrupted. "It should be interesting."

    "Tseng, you go first since it's your birthday."

    "All right..." I looked up at my lover. "Ben. Truth or......dare?"

    "Who was the first person you ever kissed. And how was it?"

    "Shelly Norton. I was 15. And it was disgusting." He laughed. "Neither of us had *any* idea what we were doing. Just remembering all that saliva makes me want to throw up."

    "Ewww!!" I squealed, pushing him, "that's enough from you!"

    He laughed. "All right, Reeve, truth or dare?"

    My friend placed down his champagne glass down. "I'll go with truth."

    Ben's question shocked me and turned my stomach to stone. "Have you ever kissed a guy? And if so, who was it?"

    All the color drained from Reeve's face, and he immediately became flustered. "I....uh...I..." he swallowed nervously, and I could just see him sweating. "Actually...I...have..."

    "And who was it?" Ben prompted. I put a hand up to cover my eyes. I couldn't bear to watch Reeve struggle.

    "It...it was Tseng, actually."

    Oh, shit.

    "Tseng?" Ben looked down at me. "Really?"

    "Everyone tries it once," I rushed. "And besides, it was awhile ago." Yeah, if awhile ago is a few days before we started dating...

    "Well that's....interesting." Ben finally concluded. "You learn something every day."

    "Yeah," I mumbled my comment, still avoiding Reeve. "Your turn, Reeve."

    "Sephiroth. Truth or dare?"

    "I will be safe for now and choose truth."

    "Have you ever slept with a woman?"

    "Interesting question. But no, I haven't. Though, I do maintain that I am bisexual."

    "That's a load of shit," I kidded him with a grin. "You'd rather prey on little boys."

    "That's very funny, Venustas. Remind me to laugh later. And just for that, it's your turn. Truth or dare?"

    "Truth, please."

    "I'm going to give you the same question you asked Benjamin. Who was your first kiss, and how was it?"

    "I..." I hesitated a moment, licking my lips before starting over. "His name was Bryatt. And...uh...it was amazing. What else can I say?" I shrugged, looking down with a small sigh.

    Ben squeezed my shoulder. "Sweetie? Are you okay?"

    "I'm sorry... I guess I shouldn't be so touchy about it."

    "It's okay." He kissed the top of my head. "I'm sure you have your reasons. Now, it's your turn. Do you want to keep playing?"

    "Sure," I replied, lifting my head up. "But I have a better idea."

    "What's that?" Sephiroth asked.

    "How about someone asks a question and *everyone* answers it. Even the person who asked it. That way, no one will ask anything too nasty."

    "It's your birthday," shrugged Sephiroth, "and your turn, I might add."

    "My question is....where did you lose your virginity, and at what age? And by virginity I mean actual intercourse."

    Sephiroth answered quickly. "In the bed of the....only man I can ever love. I was sixteen."

    "The floor of my apartment." Reeve put a hand to his head. "I was seventeen."

    "My parents bed. I was seventeen," Ben admitted a bit sheepishly.

    "Your parents bed? That's pretty bold," Reeve commented.

    "Yeah, Ben," I added, looking up at him.

    "Mine was too small," he admitted, blushing oh so adorably.

    "Well, I lost mine at the Nibelheim Inn when I was 15." I looked at Sephiroth, smiling as I did so.

    "Stop reminding me," he commented. "I could have been arrested."

    "I came onto you," I reminded him. "Because I'm a little slut."

    My lover pushed me gently. "You are not."

    "I mean, who in this room haven't I at least made out with," I continued light heartedly, not at all concious of the words I spoke until I saw Reeve glare at me. I could feel my face drain of color as I placed down my champagne glass and nervously cleared my throat. "Well, except for Reeve, of course." But I couldn't look at him.

    "I was going to say," Ben was saying as I fought with the overwhemling humiliation coming over me. "What type of friends are you exactly?"

    "*Friends*," Reeve said sharply. "Nothing more."

    I could *feel* the chill in his voice.

    The rest of my birthday passed in a daze. I don't really remember it at all.

    Well that was my twenty-first year.

    Sure, things *happened*. But in another way, nothing happened.

    I was with Ben. I was content. We were as close as two people could be. But every time he told me he loved me I winced, and my heart twisted in a knot. He never seemed to wonder why I never returned his words. And if he did, he didn't say so.

    Reeve and I were friends as we always had been. *Friends*. He backed way the hell off after the whole birthday incident. I think I had embarassed the hell out of him, even if no one really knew anything. But he never said anything about it.

    Sephiroth was... Sephiroth. He never seemed to change.

    Speaking of change, there did seem to be one significant change during my twenty-first year of being alive.

    Shinra legalized gay marriages.

    Of course I was happy, finally something they had been thinking about for years, but I was not half as thrilled as Ben. I guess that's because the only person I could ever really feel comfortable marrying was....well yes, Reeve. But he would never marry me. I never wondered why it was Ben was so thrilled. I guess I just thought he really wanted to get married some day.

    I never guessed that he might want to marry me.

    You must remember now that an entire year had passed. I was 22. I was still head of the Turks, and my subordinates and I never set out on a mission where we didn't get the job done. We were Turks. It was what we did.

    I had come home from a particulary grisley mission that evening, one of those that I stored away in the back of my mind to cry about later. Yes, I was still crying. If ever I would be alone for a long period of time, my mind would drift and I would start to think about the things I had done as a Turk, and wonder how I could take another person's life away when I had experience so much loss myself. It was at those times that I would break down and cry, feeling comepletely guilty every minute of it.

    But no one knew I did this. It was my private shame.

    I washed my hands and walked into the sitting room. Ben was there, on the couch. Technically we still lived apart, but lately he spent more time in my apartment than I did. Not that I minded in the least. I hated being alone.

    "Bad idea?" he asked me. He must have taken notice of my blank expression.

    "I don't want to talk about it," I mumbled, shedding my jacket and plopping down on the couch. I slipped my shoes off and laid down with my feet in his lap.

    Ben frowned at me a moment before he slipped my socks off and started to massage my feet.

    "God...that feels good..." I moaned with a shuddering sigh. Ben always knew just how to take care of me and make me feel better.

    "Can you believe we've known each other two years already. This is the longest relationship I've ever had." He was watching his fingers on my feet as he spoke.

    "This is the *only* relationship I've ever had."

    "I've never been happier with anyone," he said.

    "M-me neither," I admitted.  Although I wasn't sure if I was really truly happy. I was content, sure. But happy? No. Every time I was with Ben I thought of Bryatt, and how he made me feel. I really adored Bryatt, and maybe in a way I *did* love him. And maybe in a way I did love Ben. But the only thing I knew for sure was my love for Reeve. This love Ben knew nothing of.

    "I've been thinking about this a lot lately..." He stopped massaging my feet and reached into his pocket. "Not that it took too much thought to realize how much I really do love you."

   Uh oh. I sat up, looking almost scared as I gazed upon him. "....Ben?" My voice was almost non-existant.

    Hsi eyes were looking straight into mine. "I love you, Tseng. I love being with you, and I never want to be with anyone *but* you." He held out his hand, which contained a black velvet box. My head was spinning. It might have been excitement. Maybe. A small part of it. But most of it was fear. Horrible, consuming fear, and I don't know what kept me from passing out. The box was flipped open, and my eyes widened at the sight of the glimmering golden ring nustled in a velvet blanket. "Tseng... Will you marry me?"

    I grew so light-headed that world seemed to spin for an instant or two. His words ran through my head, repeated over and over and over again. Will you marry me. Will you be with me for *life*. He loved me, he wanted me for his life partner, and all I could think about was how terrible I felt for staying with him all this time without loving him. I felt like I led him on, led him on to believe something that wasn't true. And right there at that moment, I knew it would have to end. Not only my relationship with Ben, but any kind of relationship with anyone ever again. It wasn't fair. All I wanted was Reeve and there was no sense anymore in trying to trick myself into thinking that I would ever be happy without him.

    Wordlessly I shook my head, reaching out to close the box. As the smile faded from Ben's face I truly thought my heart would break. I almost wished it would. I deserved it. I didn't want to hurt anyone anymore but myself. "No," I whispered it, softly, feeling my eyes fill with tears at seeing his expression. "I can't."

    "What, is it too soon?" he asked, a deep concern filling his eyes. "I'm sorry for surprising you, I just thought--"

    "Ben--" I choked out his name, my voice overcome with crying as my hands went to my face, covering it, hiding from the moment I never wnated to face. "No. I can't marry you. Not ever."

    "W-why?" he asked, his voice as meek as a child's.

    I got up, having the patience to sit no longer, and I turned by back to him as I just let the words fly from my lips. "Because I'm in love with Reeve."

    "What?!" Ben exclaimed, sounding a little angry. And I didn't blame him.

    "I'm in love with Reeve," I continued, biting my lip as I tried to stop the tears as they came. "I have been. Before I met you even. All this time, I've been in love with him. But I hid it. I hid it because I wanted to give you chance. ...And I do love being with you Ben, I really do, and in some ways, maybe I do love you. But I don't love you like you love me. I could never marry you. I'm a terrible, terrible person. The last thing I would ever want to do is hurt you. And I'm sorry. So sorry." I hung my head, too sad to weep as the tears simply rolled down my face.

    "You're not a terrible person," he said, speaking quietly. "I'm glad you told me." He paused, then added, his own voice becoming unsteady, "Part of me... Part of me always knew that. I just didn't want to believe it."

    I finally got the guts to turn around and look at him, and he a hand to his forehead, eyes squeezed shut in an attempt *not* to cry. Letting out a breath, I rushed to his side, kneeling with a hand on his back. "Oh, Ben, oh please. I'm sorry. I don't want to lose you... Even if you should hate me... Just know that... Please..."

    "I don't hate you," he choked out, turning to look at me, hazel eyes red and wet. "I love you. And I always will. Look, Tseng, whatever makes you happy--"

    I put a finger to his lips. "No," I whispered. "No, don't say that. Please."

    He shut his eyes and whispered, "I think we should keep our distance for awhile."

    "Okay," I agreed, breathlessly, still not sure if he was angry or not.

    I watched him get up, watched him put his shoes on, watched him get his coat. I watched him walk to the door, and then I watched him turn around and look at me. "I'll always be your friend," he said.

    "And I'll always be yours."

    The door was opened, but he held back a moment more and turned to me again. "Thanks."

    Totally confused I asked, "for what?"

    A smile quivered at the corners of his mouth. "For being born."

    Then he was gone.

    My knees gave way, and I sank to the floor, and cried for hours.

    Some kind of Turk I am, I thought bitterly.

   Some kind of *person* I am.

    I just knocked on his door. And when he answered, I blurted it out.

    "I broke up with Ben."

    He blinked, then hissed, "what?"

    "I broke up with Ben," I repeated, my tone consistant.

    He blinked again. "Why?"

    "I had to."

    "*I had to* is *not* an explanation." He didn't look very pleased.

    "He proposed," I said as simply as if we were discussing the weather, "and I just couldn't do it anymore."

    "This all comes back to Reeve, doesn't it?"

    "Doesn't it always?" I turned to leave.

    He caught my arm. "You should marry him anyway."

    My eyes flashed. "What?"

    "At least he'll love you the way you want to be loved!"

    "I can't love him back," I snapped, glaring at my teacher. "Why would I trap him in a relationship like that?"

    "You were *happy*."

    "I wasn't happy." I ripped my arm from his grasp, my eyes narrowing. "I was never happy making him miserable. And I'll never do it again." I started walking away.

    "What does that mean?" he called after me.

    But I didn't answer him.

    I avoided all my friends, and I was colder than I ever had been at work. Reno and Rude gave me strange looks, but I shrugged them off. Sephiroth tried to talk sense into me, but I ignored him. Ben was already avoiding me. And Reeve, well, I brushed him off whenever we would speak. I couldn't even look at him anymore without feeling like my heart would break from loving him so much.

    I did the one thing Sephiroth feared that I would someday resort to.

    I slept around.

    And when I say I slept around, I mean I really slept around. There was hardly any effort to find partners. Every guy who liked guys in Shinra was dying to get into my pants. I had never been one for one night stands before, but they now became my existence. Word about me spread, and I think almost everybody who was anybody in the company knew, except, amazingly enough, my comrades. Reno and Rude were clueless, and it was better that way.

    Sephiroth would call, begging for me to pick up. Sephiroth never begged. But I didn't answer him.

    Reeve would knock on my door and plead for me to open up, but I only locked my door and cried. I couldn't face him.

    Anyone who wanted me, had me. I'm embarassed to say I even let Hojo have me once or twice. Not only was I an easy fuck, I was a good one too. I had no lack of experience, and I liked it any way they wanted to give it to me. Every day I would have a quickie at work when I was on a break--sometimes two, sometimes more. I had so many hickeys that I had to use make-up to hide the marks. And each and every time someone suggested we go out on a date, I plainly and flatly told him *no*.

    I felt like a cheap whore.

    But at least I felt needed.

    "Tseng, *please*. What are you doing--I've been calling you for two months now, and you still won't answer me." It was Sephiroth again, begging on my answering machine. "You can't ignore me forever--you can't ignore what you're doing forever. Please come see me. We can talk about this, okay? Please?"

    I shut it off in disgust. Every day it was the same message.

    I glanced at the clock. Break time. Wonderful.

    I got up, draped my jacket over the back of my chair. I wouldn't be needing it. Locking my office, I headed right for the executive washroom. It usually wasn't too hard to find somone horny in there.

    Empty. I cocked an eyebrow. This was unusual. Figuring someone would come soon, I went to wash my hands.

    I was drying them when I felt a hand on my shoulder. But this hand was light, it was gentle. It was a hand I knew. I turned. "Reeve."

    "I knew you'd be in here." He shook his head slowly, "What happened to you, Tseng?"

    "Nothing." I tried to push him away, but he pinned me to the wall. I could have gotten out, but I probably would have hurt him a little. And I never wanted to hurt Reeve at all. "Let me go."

    "I've been talking to Ben," he said. "He's as confused as I am."

    "What's so confusing?" I snapped.

    "You!" he cried. "This isn't you! Tseng, please. This has been going on for too long. You're better than this!! Please, talk to me. Tell me how you feel. I want to help you. I'm your best friend."

    His eyes were pleading with me. Those gorgeous eyes that always made me tremble with desire for him. How could I ignore those eyes I loved so much?

    Not easily. "Get out of my way," I ordered, giving him my firmest look.

    Reeve looked upset, but he stepped aside. "I'm not going to give up on you," he said.

    Why not? I've given up on me.

    Then I left the bathroom and did the one thing I seemed to know how to do best.

    And that's just the way I wanted it.

    I dragged my weary body into my apartment, checked my PHS messages. There was only one.

    "Tseng? This is Reeve. It's 2:30 in the morning, where are you? Are you not there? Are you screening your calls?" His voice was so pitiful. "Listen, I told I wasn't going to give up, and I've not going to. Not matter what it takes--I'm going to get through to you. I miss you. Call me, please. I don't care what time it is. Please... I... I wanna hear your voice." His voice got quieter as he pleaded with my machine. "I'm going to sit by the PHS all night and hope you call. I'm making myself sick worrying over you. I... I just wanna help you." He sighed, then said, "Please call me back. Please." And that was it.

    Then I realized I was shaking.

    How could I have been ignoring him? He *cares* about me. He really does. Even if he doesn't love me the way I love him, he still loves me. And he certainly cares about me a lot more than all these people I let fuck me. Even if I can't *have* Reeve, I can still have whatever love he's willing to give me.

    And at that moment, that was enough.

    I picked up the PHS and dialed his number.

    "Hello?" He sounded tired, but awake.

    "It's me."

    "Oh! Tseng! Oh, thank god!"

    "Can I come over? Now?" My voice was shaking.

    "Yes. Of course you can. I'll be waiting."

    "I'll be right over." I paused. "Oh, and Reeve?"

    "What?"

    "Thanks for calling."

    And I knew he would let me. And Reeve would hold me back.

    I was out of breath from running when I got there, wet from the rain that had begun to fall, and I knocked firmly on his door, growing impatient with the final barrier.

    It was lifted quickly, however and there he was. "Tseng," he sighed.

    "Reeve!" I cried, falling into his arms and nearly knocking him over in the process. I began to cry immediatly, my tears mixing with the rain water. He shut the door, then held me back, as tightly as he could.

    "Oh god," he whispered, resting his head on top of mine. "Oh thank god."

    "Oh, Reeve. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," I sobbed, holding onto him for dear life.

    "Shush..." he hushed me, stroking the back of my head gently. "Calm down. Calm down and tell me everything."

    Reeve sat me on the couch, and got me a blanket, wrapping it around my shoulders. He then made me some tea, and sat right besides me, taking my hand and holding it in his, tight. And I was still crying. "I didn't want to hurt anyone anymore," I told him, sniffing back my tears. "I didn't want another relationship. I couldn't do it. I couldn't--I couldn't love anyone else." I met his eyes.

    He looked back at me with genuine concern. "Oh, Tseng..."

    "I wanted to hurt myself for what I did. I didn't want anyone to love me anymore. I wanted to feel worthless. I deserved it. I-I--all that sleeping around, I felt like nothing, but I felt needed. And I felt like that was...that was all I was meant to be. A... A whore..." I started crying again, and I bent my head to weep, knowing I couldn't manage anymore words.

    Reeve pulled me into another terrific hug. "You are *not* nothing," he said firmly, whispering right into my ear. "And you are *not* worthless. You have so many people who love you, Tseng. So many who look up to you. And then, I, I need you. You're the only one I have in the world. I'd die without you. Don't ever call yourself worthless." He lowered his voice and whispered, "And I should be the one who's sorry."

    "Why?" I whispered back, my tears slowing.

    "Because I..." he seemed to hesitate a moment. "Because I can't *be with you* that way."

    "It's okay," my voice was soft. "I don't think that's really what I want anymore."

    Reeve backed off a little, then brought our faces close together. "Close your eyes."

    "Why?"

    "Please." And I did. "I would never normally do this. *Never*. But if you can force yourself to suffer on behalf of me, well..." he trailed off.

    "Reeve?" I whispered. Then I felt him cup my face in his hands.

    Then Reeve kissed me.

    His lips were trembling as they met mine, and he nipped at my lips, barely kissing them. Then he tried again, and I kissed back, as tentively as he did, my body shaking as I felt around to take his other hand in mine. Our hands were held so tightly in one another's it was as if we let go, the other might fall. His lips continued to probe mine, short kisses, desperate even, lacking tongue, but completely incredible all the same. He moaned almost inaudibly, prompting a moan from me as he came to kiss me again, harder this time. One of his hands managed to seperate from mine and he gripped the back of my head instead, bringing me closer and slipping his tongue between my lips. I moaned in surprise, reaching out to grip his arm, as his hand continued to grip mine almost tight enough to stop the blood flow. We Frenched for what must have been a minute or two, his moans triggering whimpers from the back of my throat as we finally broke apart.

    "Oh, Reeve," I sighed, eyes still shut.

    He mumbled something that was unfamilar to me, it sounded like 'Dieu, celui était incroyable', whatever that meant. Leave it to Reeve to know a language I didn't.

    We both fell asleep soon after that, there on the couch. We I awoke a few hours later, I was laying down, my head in Reeve's lap as he slept sitting up, a hand resting on the nape of my neck.

    I picked up his hand, pressed a kiss to it, whispered my undying love for him, and fell back asleep.