Work was easy, too simple for the money really. The girls adored us, and would often give us the chocolates the men  gave them as token gifts. It was good stuff-- they just didn't want it because without their figure, they didn't have a job. They all called me Tsengy, and I enjoyed it. Every time it reminded me of my sister, and that made me feel a little warmer inside.

    I told Bryatt everything. About before and after the fire, every grueling emotion I went through. He was a great listener. If ever I would start to cry, he would just hold me, stoke my hair, and remind me that it was all okay now. I was safe, I had a job, and most of all, I had him.

    In return, Bryatt told me about himself in full. He had never known his parents and had spent  ten miserable years in an orphanage in some far away place called Gongaga before he stole some money and ran away. He managed to survive a few years by running from town to town and doing whatever he could to get by. One a twist of fate he made it to Midgar and landed a job with the Don. He'd been there ever since.

    Bryatt was my best friend in the world. I couldn't even express how much he meant to me. At night, once we had put our books aside, we would crawl into bed and kiss until we were dizzy with one another and had to sleep. I couldn't remember ever being so happy. Maybe because all my memories of before only brought me tears. Bryatt never cried. He said he had nothing be sad about. After all, look where all his decisions had gotten him. I respected his philosophy, but couldn't follow it.

    We were sitting in bed the evening I finished the infamous book. Bryatt was writing something as I sat legs crossed, turning the final pages, enthralled as always. I didn't want it to ever end. But sadly, it did, and I had to put it down. "Ah."

    He looked at me with a devilishly short of grin. "Finished?"

    "...So that's how we..."

    "Yup."

    "...Does it really hurt?" I turned to look at him, looking a little scared.

    Bryatt met my eyes. "I don't know from experience. I've never done it."

    "Oh." My eyes focused down. "Bryatt?"

    "Yes, Tseng?"

    "How did you know you were....you know. How did you know you liked boys instead of girls?" I could feel myself blushing.

    "Hmn." His hand snuck out to capture my chin, and he lifted it up, making his eyes meet mine. "I just sort of realized it along the way, I guess. I've kissed boys and girls, and I just liked kissing boys better."

    I was lost in his eyes and I felt my pulse pick up. "Oh..."

    He leaned closer. "How did *you* know?"

    "You..." I moaned, leaning forward to brush my lips against his. "You... You're beautiful." Again I kissed him, very quickly.

    My friend took me by the shoulders, and I bent my head back to look at him. "You're beautiful, Tseng. Gorgeous. You're gonna have to fight boys off with a stick some day." He smiled as he leaned closer to me. "Or maybe I'll have to do it so you don't run off with someone else."

    A soft moan escaped my lips as he leaned down to kiss me ever so gently, parting the seam of my lips with his tongue and coming inside my mouth. His warm hands drifted up and down my bare sides, making me shudder in his arms.

    Our lips eventually parted, lingering at the last touch.

    I sighed, sad to lose him. "Bryatt...?"

    "Yes?" He nuzzled his cheek against mine.

    There was a long hesitation before I could ask my question. "...........do you think *we* could ever do anything like the guys in that book?"

    "Hmmm..." He seemed thoughtful as his fingers traced over my spine. "When we're ready. When we're ready, I would *love* to do all those things to you, Tseng."

    A happy sigh escaped my lips as I relaxed against him, placing my head upon his shoulder and closing my heavy eye lids. "Thank you."

    "Three months?" I blinked, mouth hanging open. "Has it been that long already?"

    He chuckled, taking me by the hips and smiling down at me. We never showed much affection in public. Bryatt had always said the boss wouldn't like it. "Three months does pass like days when you're deliriously happy, doesn't it?" My friend brought our foreheads together, rubbing his nose against mine. "I bet you've also forgotten today is your own birthday."

    "Oh my gosh!" My birthday had always meant nothing during the past several years. It only meant I could claim I was a year older than I was previously. I tended to forget about it because no one else cared and frankly, I was usually too busy with other concerns. I had spent so many years with my birthday the last thing on my mind, that now that people cared, I still forget. "Why didn't you remind me! I feel like an idiot for not remembering!"

    "Hmn." He gave me the adoring look that was so common lately. "Tsengy, I have a surprise for you later. It's my present for you. I'm sorry it's not store bought, but I think you'll like it."

    "I'd be happy with anything you gave me Bryatt," I told him quite breathlessly.

    We both heard foot steps, and he stepped away from me, tousling my hair. "I'll see you later," he mouthed, blowing me a kiss as he ran off.

    I stood smiling like a dufus until the boss told me to get a move on. As I went back to work, I thought with a new found determination, don't worry, Bryatt. I'll never forget my birthday again.

    Luckily my friend did not keep me waiting long, and when he entered I sat up like a rocket, watching him as he shut the door and turned to me with the same adoring look he had earlier. "Good evening, birthday boy. How are you?"

    "I'm fifteen years old," I told him, "but I'm so giddy I feel like I'm eight."

    "That's all right," he said as he grinned at me, slipping something from his back pocket and poorly hiding it behind his back. "It's your birthday. You can act however you want. Plus, you have a few to make up for." I watched in awe as he kneeled in front of me, and placed a neatly folded piece of paper on my lap, around which was tied one of the girl's ribbons. "I'm sorry this is all I could give you, Tseng. I'd give you everything if I could."

    My breath was caught in my throat as I looked upon the gift. Truly, he didn't realize just how touched I was that this is what he had chosen to give me. "Bryatt... You wrote me something?" He remained quiet, so I slowly untied the ribbon and unfolded the piece of paper, mind contemplating the many possibilities of what it could be.

    I gasped as my eyes absorbed what was written on the page.

    My hands shook as I read it, overwhelmed with emotion. Truly, I never could have wished for a better present in all my life. How someone could find words to write about something as insignificant as myself... It amazed me. He made me sound so important. I didn't know what to say to him. "Bryatt..." My eyes were filling with tears as I looked at him. "I... Thank you. I don't know what to say except thank you. Thank you *so* much. I'm so touched. I've never read anything so beautiful."

    "That's because *you're* beautiful, Tseng." He caressed my cheek and I nuzzled into his warm hand. "You inspired every word of that poem.

    "I'll keep it with me," I promised breathlessly as he rose and leaned over me, gently easing me back on the bed. "Always."

    He took the poem from my hand and placed it aside, entwining his hand with mine as a substitute.

    "But--" I began. A finger silenced me.

    "Tseng..." he whispered, straddling me, and leaning over so his chest was against mine. "Remember when you asked if I would do things to you...like in the book?"

    I felt the urge to cross my legs just at those words. "Yes..."

    Bryatt licked his lips as he hesitated. "Do you still..."

    "Yes!" I cried before he could even finish. In the three months we'd been together, we hadn't been adventurous at all. Our lips had never ventured from the face area, and hands stayed above the waist. I wanted things to be taken further. I wanted to feel Bryatt's skin against mine. I wanted his lips tasting my skin. I wanted him so badly I could hardly contain myself. "Oh, yes!"

    "Hmn." He began stroking my chest, slowly. "I want to do two things with you, Tseng... But I'm not going to be inside you. Not yet."

    "Oh..." I moaned in disappointment. I frowned and ran my fingers through his hair. "But I want it, Bryatt. I want it so badly..."

    "I know..." he sighed, slipping one of his legs between mine. "I want it too... Very much... But we have to take it slow. A little at a time."

    "Whatever you want. Do what you want with me." I panted, hardening further as his leg snuck up between mine.

    "I want what you want," he said, bending to kiss me. "And you must tell me what exactly you want."

    We took it slow, but I could never forget a moment of that night. The feel of his mouth as he devoured every part of me. The feel of his sweat slicked skin on mine. The moans and gasps that escaped our lips. His fingers on my skin and running through my hair. The press of his body against mine, rocking up against me, as the feeling of overwhelming pleasure I experienced for the first time coursed through my veins. Afterwards, I was so tired I could barely move.

    I could only gasp for breath, still shaking from the sensation that had just left me. My eyes were shut, but I held Bryatt tight against me, our faces close enough that I could feel his heavy breathing on my lips.

    "Tseng....?" my friend whispered once he had caught his breath.

    My chest was still heaving. "What?"

    "I...... I think I love you."

    The words didn't register at first, and so I had to reply them over in my head several times before it clicked. Bryatt...loved me? He loved me? My mind reeled. Oh gods.... Bryatt loves me. He loves me. What do I say? That I love him too? I don't know if that's what I truly feel. Love is such strong word, and I never thought of loving anyone but my family. I don't think I even could. I can't forget them....

    My eyes opened and I met Bryatt's eyes, which searched mine as I weakly ran a trembling hand through his hair. "Bryatt."

    "I love you," he repeated, breaking our eye contact as he nuzzled against my neck. His voice was choked, and I wondered if I was hearing things. Was Bryatt.............crying?

    "Bryatt..." I wrapped my hands around his neck and forced our eyes to meet again. The rim around his eyes was wet and he tried in vain to wipe his own tears away. "Oh, Bryatt. Why are you crying?" I pulled his hand away and caressed his cheek.

    "Tseng...." he whispered. "I'm so in love with you. Even if you don't love me back it doesn't matter because I'm so happy loving you." I watched in awe as brushed some hair off my face. "I'm crying because I'm so happy I have you. I...uh...oh gods...I can't even..." He trailed off as he cried harder once again nuzzling against my neck.

    I ran my fingers through his hair. "Bryatt... My family... I... I never even thought about..." I stopped, and licked my lips, and started over. "Oh, Bryatt. You mean so much to me. More than anyone in the world. I don't want to ever be away from you. I just... I just don't know..."

    "I know, I know..." He came away from me a little and once again met my eyes. "I know, my beloved. It's all right."

    My beloved.... I moaned softly at his words. "Oh, Bryatt..."

    He smiled at me, stroked my hair, and said, "happy birthday, my love."

    All I could manage was "thank you".

    I had always told Bryatt everything. But I couldn't tell him the reason why I didn't love him back. Sometimes I felt so bad about not telling him the truth that I would get mad and yell at him when he told me he loved me, or I would shy away from his kisses. My own actions made me want to cry. And although my behavior never seemed to bother Bryatt, it bothered me.

    One evening I cried into my pillows, angry at the world. I was angry at my family was dying. I was angry at Bryatt for loving me. But most of all, I was angry with myself for not being able to deal with my own feelings. What kind of messed up child had I developed into? Why couldn't I move on with my life and leave my family in the background? Wouldn't they want me to be happy? In many ways I was exceedingly happy. But right at the heart, I was miserable because I was clueless.

    "Tseng?"

    Bryatt had entered so quietly that I hadn't even noticed. I hugged the pillow tighter as I looked up at him, my face flushed. "What?"

    He quite calmly came and sat on the end of the bed. "You're crying again," he said simply, looking at his lap instead at me.

    I whimpered, "I'm sorry."

    "Sorry?" Bryatt perked up and looked at me. "Why are you sorry? Don't apologize for crying." My friend sighed at looked down at the bed. "I just wish I knew why."

    For a moment I just observed my friend, looking so forlorn as if my problem was eating him up inside just as much. Neither of us was gaining any comfort on our own. With a small mewl I crawled into his lap, hands going around his neck and bringing my lips to his. "Oh, Bryatt..."

    "My little love..." He sighed, whispering his lips over mine. "It's your family, isn't it?" His hands stroked through my hair. "You don't want to forget them." Bryatt moaned as he barely kissed me again. "Ah... I'm sorry... I never should have said anything..."

    "No, Bryatt." I took his face into my hands and met his eyes with a firm gaze. "I need your love. I *need* it. I just... You're right... About my family."

    "Hm." He shut his eyes a moment. "Tseng?"

    "What?" I nipped gently at his jaw.

    Bryatt's blue eyes opened. "Close your eyes for me."

    Without a question or a protest, I shut my eyes and felt Bryatt move away from me. "Bryatt?"

    "Shush," he hushed me as I felt him kneeling in front of me. I then felt the mark of something on my forehead, and then Bryatt told me to open my eyes again.

    I did. "What did you do?"

    He held up a mirror and I laid eyes on myself.

    Bryatt had drawn a small black dot in the center of my forehead. "You know what that is?"

    My jaw dropped as I breathed the words, "a remembrance dot."

    With a chuckle and a nod my friend confirmed it. "That's right. Just like Zidane had in Remembrance of Tomorrow. He drew a black dot on his forehead each and every morning so he would never forget his father. It may seem stupid, but I thought--"

    "No," I cut him off quietly, mesmerized by my own reflection. "No, Bryatt. It's not stupid. Not stupid at all." I knew Remembrance of Tomorrow  very well. It had always been a favorite of mine, mainly because I could identify with the main character, a boy named Zidane, very well. He had lost his father and often worried about forgetting all his father had done for him. Ultimately he decided to put a mark on his forehead to remind himself and everyone else that he would never forget. Having such a simple mark upon my skin seemed to make me feel at ease, as though a weight had been lifted from my shoulder. "I like it very much. I think I might use it. That way each day I will wake up and know that when I draw this mark on my skin I am remembering my family. And I will never forget them." I tore my eyes from the mirror and looked down at my friend. "Bryatt..." I breathed, my voice choking with emotion. "How can you... How can you be so wonderful?"

    My friend placed the mirror down and smiled up at me. "You bring out the best in me, Tseng. My love."

    I sighed and laid back on the bed. "Come to me," I begged, reaching out for him.

    With a small chuckle Bryatt and crawled a top me. "You want something."

    "You. In me." I pleaded, stroking his face. "Please, Bryatt. Please. Please."

    A frown set upon his lips. "No. I can give you anything but that."

    "Why?" I demanded, whining a little. "Why deny me when I want it so much?"

    He brought his face close to me and whispered. "You don't think I want it? I want to take you so bad it's practically all I think about. But I can't do it. You're only fifteen, Tseng, whether you act it or not. I don't think you're ready for that kind of thing yet.  This is your virginity we're talking about, love. I don't want you to make a mistake."

    "I know I'm not making a mistake, Bryatt!" I wriggled in frustration. "Don't deny me!" I couldn't keep my eyes from tearing. "I thought you loved me."

    Bryatt seized my face and held it in trembling hands as he spoke in a harsh whisper against my lips. "Don't you see? It's because I love you that I can't do it! I love you more than I can possibly express. All I want is you. All I think about is you. All day, every day for the rest of my life I just want to be with you and make you happy. But I don't think that if we have sex that's really going to make you happy. I want your first time to be with someone you love, Tseng, and you know, and I know, that you don't really love me. Not like I love you. Not yet."

    What could I do? I didn't love Bryatt. I really didn't. Even though I never wanted to be away from him, I really didn't feel for him like he did for me.

    And it killed me.

    I cried again.

    "No... No..." he said softly, smoothing hair back from my face. "Tsengy, I love you, please, don't feel badly. I want you to be happy. Happy..."

    "I think I need to be left alone," I muttered, sliding away from him and wiping away my tears as I headed for the door.

    "I'll do anything else for you, love. Anything."

    I turned back as I reached the door, tears stinging in my eyes. "Then good *god*, Bryatt." My eyes pleaded with him. "Make me love you."

    The door slammed shut as I left my friend alone.

    I walked, wondering why I couldn't love the only person I had in the world. Was there something wrong with me?

    With an unhappy sigh I leaned against the back wall, running a hand through my hair.

    "You lookin' to be alone too?"

    I raised my head and noticed I had a companion in the shadows.

    She stepped out into the moonlight, smoke from her cigarette making a halo around her head.

    "Hello, Lita." She was blonde, natural, with large green eyes and clad in a red slip dress. One of the more popular girls among customers, I was surprised to see her not working.

    "What brings you out here, Tsengy?" She flicked the lsat ashes of her cigarette into the wind and then dropped it into the dirt. "Kinda, late, isn't it?"

    I just shrugged, my foot tracing patterns in the soil.

    She frowned and approached me. "You look sad. Wanna massage?"

    Before I could answer, her hands were on my shoulders, digging into my tight muscles. A soft moan of surprise escaped my throat, and I leaned into her.

    "What's on your mind?"

    "N-nothing," I gasped, intimidated and even a bit scared by how her hands massaged my lower back. "Just getting some air."

    Her hands slipped across my stomach and under my shirt. I cried out, muscles freezing. My mind was a blank and I wondered why her hands were on me.

    "You're fifteen now, aren't you?" her breath was husky in my ear, and my breathing picked up.

    "Uh........yes......" I choked out, stuck in place. I was a talking statue, scared of her next move. Why would someone like her want to waste her time on a nobody like me? Did I even like what she was doing? Why couldn't I pull away?

    Her fingers brushed me intimately and I gasped, head falling back. The only other person to touch me like that had been Bryatt, and it had felt so much better with his hands on me.

    "Hm." She seemed pleased with herself. "Like that?" She kept up her movements.

    I was breaking out into a sweat as I choked out, "why?"

    "Because," she whispered, biting gently at my neck as she jerked me off. "We all need to relieve a little frustration once in awhile."

    "Ugh.... Frustration?" I moaned, helpless.

    "Give in," she whispered, voice husky in my ear. "Come, Tseng. Come for me."

    And I did.

    But I felt defeated.

    I didn't dare to tell Bryatt. Every night I would crawl into bed, curl myself into a ball and shudder whenever he touched me. If he noticed my change in behavior he never said a word. Even his hands on me felt wrong. The world around me had shattered, and I was too weak to change it and too scared to speak up. All I wanted to do was cry, and often, that's what I did.

    I was living in fear once again, wondering it my next 'encounter' was lurking around the corner. I was jittery and insecure. Deep in my heart I only wanted out. To be free of it. And to think I was once so happy here. How fast it had all faded. I began to wonder if I would ever find everlasting happiness. My soul cried out to take refuge in Bryatt's comforting arms, but it would only burden him. After all I was still unable to love him, despite his strong feelings for me.

    Every day drained me physically and mentally. My mind was exhausted from worry and my body was weak from over stimulation. One night I ended early, dragging my weary body back to our room. I only made it just inside the door before I collapsed, falling into a deep sleep.

    It was a long time before I woke again. Wearily my eyes flickered open, adjusting to my surroundings. I found I was on our bed, and within seconds Bryatt was leaning over me, a look of concern in his eyes, but a stern demeanor on his lips. My eyes widened, but I said nothing.

    "What's wrong with you?" he demanded.

    I played dumb. "What?"

    "You know what," he hissed at me. "I'm not letting it go anymore. Every night you come back here exhausted, and you act as though you're fine, but you tremble when I touch you. What happened to you, Tseng? It's killing me!" He wiped a tear from his eye. "Tseng.... Please. I want to help you."

    He was crying. Crying over me. I could never stand to see Bryatt in pain. "....It's the girls." I swallowed. "They keep....*touching* me."

    My friend's eyes widened considerably and he held my shoulders. "Tseng, are you telling me you've been taken advantage of? Every day?"

    I nodded silently.

    "Oh, shit," he cursed. "Tseng! how could you let this happen? Oh, I should have warned you, but I thought you'd fight them off. They're *whores*, Tseng. They're taken advantage of by men. So they take out their frustrations on younger guys, like us, because they think we won't fight back and it give them a power trip. But my *god*!" He held his head in his hands. "I should have told you! It's all my fault."

    "Bryatt," I whispered, drawing him close to me, allowing him to cry into my shoulder. "It's not your fault. I'm weak... I couldn't fight them off...."

    "My little love," he purred, nuzzling my neck and drawing a sigh from me. "Don't keep anything from me. I love you. I love you, Tseng."

    "....I'm scared, Bryatt. I don't like it here anymore. I...I'm trapped. There's nothing left to do but run again." My fingers wandered through his hair. "And I don't want to do it alone."

    Bryatt looked me straight in the eyes. "Tseng, what do you want from me?"

    "Ah..." I went to speak, but couldn't. Instead I closed my mouth and turned away.

    "Love..." he whispered, leaning towards me and covering the side of my face with light kisses. "I'll give you anything." He paused, took my face in his hands and whispered against my lips, "And I mean *anything*."

    A loud moan escaped my lips. He would do it. Bryatt was willing to make love to me if that's what I wanted.

    "I want to make you happy, Tseng," he continued. "And whatever will make you happy..."

    I was just about to tell him yes. That I wanted it, I wanted him, and there wasn't a doubt in my mind. Then I met his eyes, and I saw he was desperate. Bryatt was willing to do anything I wanted, as long as I was happy, even if it wasn't what he wanted. As I looked into his eyes I realized I could never make him do anything he was against. I knew Bryatt did not want to make love to me when I did not love him. "No," I whispered, separating myself from him. Lifting my shirt over my head, I slipped my arms around his neck and began sucking at his neck. "Bryatt," I whispered between kisses, "I won't make you do anything you don't want to." I took his lips in mine, slowly, lingering. "Bryatt, just...." I kissed him again. "Just be intimate with me again, just like we used to be."

    Bryatt wrapped his arms around my shoulders and leaned in, brushing his lips against my forehead. "My little love..." he gently lowered me onto my back, running a hand through my hair.

    "Just tell me you love me, Bryatt," I gasped, trembling a little as his fingers caressed my skin. "Over and over and over again."

    "Yes...." he assured me with a low whisper. "It's all right, Tseng. It's just me. I love you. You know I do. So much."

    Bryatt held me tightly in his arms, reassuring me, kissing me, his body pressed to mine. And I was all right. It felt so right with Bryatt, as it always had.

    He ran a hand through my hair as I snuggled against the warmth of his body, feeling safe for the first time in too long. But I wouldn't last and I knew the second I stepped outside that door I would go right back to being terrified and insecure again. I trembled, holding him closer as I pleaded, "don't let me go, Bryatt."

    His arms tightened around me and he promised, "no, love, I'll hold you as long as you want."

    "Bryatt?" my voice was very quiet.

    "What?" he gently held my head against his chest.

    "....take me away from here."

    He loosened his arms around me.

    Propping myself up on one elbow to look at him, I said, "please, Bryatt. We can do better than this. I need to get away from here." I laced my fingers with his. "And I need to be with you."

    Bryatt looked at me, his blue eyes holding more seriousness than I had ever seen in my life. "If it will make you happy, I will do anything in my power to get us a new life."

    Holding his hand tighter, I pressed my body more tightly against his. "And I'll be with you, Bryatt, right? Forever? You'll take me away from Midgar and hold me every night and kiss me every morning? You'll write me poetry on my birthday and read to me? And love me, always? And keep me by your side? Forever and ever and ever, Bryatt?" I smiled.

    "Yes," he assured me. "Yes, Tseng. Anything you want. We'll always be together, as long as you want us to be. And that can be forever. As long as you want."

    "How will we get out of here?" I asked, eyes blinking closed.

    "I'll think of something," I was assured as I drifted off to sleep, the fell of his hand warm in mine.

    And as I drifted off to sleep, I couldn't help but whisper, "I love you."

    The last thing I heard before I left the world to sleep was Bryatt's reply of, "no you don't."

    Two days. That's how long before we were going to leave Midgar and the whoring business behind us. I was worried about money and the details, but he assured me not to worry. He had it covered, and soon I would be safe.

    Bryatt stayed by my side the entire day, protecting me. It was a great comfort, but a bit embarrassing as well. He fawned over my like a child, running his fingers through my hair and glancing at me with that loving look that warmed me inside.

    I took the trash out back with a sigh, pausing to wipe my brow before turning to go back inside.

    "Who's that handsome boy?"

    I jumped, turning as my breath picked up. "Bryatt!" Nervous laughter escaped my lips. "You scared me! I thought Scotch sent you to the store."

    "Forget it." He pinned me against the wall, a hand on either side of me. "I can't keep my mind on anything..." He leaned towards me, breath whispering on my skin. "I just keep imagining being with you forever, and it just makes me so impossibly happy and complete." Bryatt's lips barely touched my cheek. "I've never had anyone so close to me like this. Not anyone."

    With a moan I turned my head so our lips could touch. "I'm yours. I owe you so much."

    And he kissed me. Gently at first, but he quickly deepened it as I moaned, pressing against him as he gripped my waist. I embraced him tightly as I felt his fingers creep under my shirt and brush my skin. It was risky to show such affection at work and we both knew it. Yet, we couldn't seem to keep our hands off one another. Not when we knew we could relive this over and over and over again if we wished it. Bryatt's long fingers explored upwards, our mouths still fused together. I couldn't stop moaning at every stroke of his fingers and tongues. It was such a soothing moment, as if time just stopped.

    "Aw... Isn't that cute."

    Our lips were parted, and we both turned to see who had discovered us.

    Lita. I gasped and buried my head in my friend's shoulder, unable to look upon her with shuddering.

    Bryatt held me tighter. "Yes?"

    "Heh. I find it a little ironic. Two gay guys working in a whore house?" I heard her laugh. "Too funny."

     "Yeah. Ha," Bryatt said so dryly that I couldn't help smiling. "Beat it."

    "Huh." She had an arrogance about her voice that just made me want to hit her. "Maybe I should tell the boss then."

    "No!"

    The urgency of Bryatt's voice startled me and I had to look up.

    Lita laughed. "Thinking twice, are you?"

    "Don't do it." His eyes held that seriousness he had so often displayed lately. "Lita, please."

    "Relax." Her eyes set upon me and I cuddled closer to Bryatt, her gaze cutting me like glass. "Just hand over your little lover for a few minutes, and my lips are sealed."

    Was she nuts?! "No!" I cried out, tears in my eyes at the very thought. "Leave me alone."

    "Absolutely not," my friend said firmly. "I wouldn't consider it."

    "You know the boss hates fags, Bryatt," she spoke harshly. "He'll fire you and throw you out on the street without a dime. Bet you never want to live through that again, do you?"

    I tried to look at Bryatt, but he was looking straight ahead. He had always told me the boss wouldn't like it, not that we would get fired over it.

    "Lita. You can't do this." He sounded ten years older than his years.

    "Tough world," she replied, flipping her hair over a bony shoulder. "Dog eat dog ya know."

    "You blood sucking bitch," Bryatt seethed, the harshness of his words distracting a gasp from me. "Go ahead. Tell him. Watch me give a shit."

    She shrugged and turned. "Suit yourself. Nice knowin' ya." With a small wave she let a good-bye to me roll of her tongue, and together we watched her leave.

    "Bryatt!" I pushed him away from me. "You didn't tell me that he was going to fire us if he found out!"

    "I didn't want to scare you!" He explained. "Tseng--"

    Crossing my arms I glared at him. "You keep a lot from me."

    "I'm only trying to protect you!"

    "I'm not a child, Bryatt!" I never raised my voice with him. Ever. But I was still glaring. "I live on the street for five years! I'm not stupid and I can take care of myself!"

    "Oh yeah?" He countered, glaring back. "Then why are you so weak? Why do you put up with things you don't have to?"

    My fist shook with anger. "Fuck you," I snapped, using words I never would have dared to before.

    I saw tears in his eyes as he returned with two words that shot right to my heart. "You wish."

    My chin trembled, and I couldn't hold back my tears. As I broke down, I couldn't even manage a reply.

    "No... No, I didn't mean it." I heard him approach me, but Bryatt didn't touch me. "Tseng... I didn't mean it... I know you're not a child. I know. It's just..." He sighed in exasperation. "God dammit, I love you. And I don't want to see anything happen to you. That's why I try and protect you. But I'm not doing a very good job of it, am I."

    "I don't need anyone to protect me," I replied, voice shaking. "I only want someone to love me. From now on I'm going to take care of myself."

    "I love you, sweetheart. And I promise not to treat you like a child anymore." He cupped my face in his hands and brought his eyes to mine. "We have to get out of here. Now."

    "Now?"

    Bryatt nodded. "Go to our room and get everything. I've gotta do something else first. I'll meet you out front."

    "All right," I indicated yes with my head.

    "Go," he told me, heading away. "Hurry."

    And I did. I ran with all my might.

   And then it all happened so fast.

    "TSENG!" Bryatt was running towards me at top speed, and my eyes widened as I noticed he was gripping a gun with his left hand. "RUN!"

    My mind froze and I couldn't react until Bryatt flew past me screaming "RUN! RUN!"

    And I ran, pumping my arms so I could catch up with him. I've always been fast. It's how I survived. "Why are you running!?" I yelled. "And why the gun?!"

    "Just run!"

    But I couldn't. I slowed a little, turning back, nearly tripping over my own two feet in shock as I saw one of the Don's biggest men coming after us, a gun in his own hand. What had Bryatt done? "Bryatt!" As I went to turn around I slipped on my untied shoelace and crashed to the ground, using my hands to break my fall. The gravel ripped up my hands and burned. I cried out his name again.

    "Tseng!!!!"

    A shot rang out, but I couldn't even see anything as Bryatt dove on top of me, pushing me aside. He then tumbled, ending up a few feet away from me, flat on his back, the gun just out of his grip.

    The world stopped as I noticed there was a large spot of blood spreading on his chest.

    Bryatt's been shot. Shot right in the chest. That's why he dove on top of me... That man must have aimed at me when I fell. But Bryatt let them shoot him instead. No! Why must he do this!!! Bryatt!

    It must have been a moment, but it was an eternity in my mind. I wouldn't let them hurt him anymore. With a growl I snatched up the fallen gun and turned to our pursuer. The firearm was heavy in my hand, but at that moment it felt so natural, as though I had been using one for years. Jaw clenched, and eyes narrowed, I pointed the weapon at the man who had shot my only friend in the world, and I fired. I had never been focused as I let out every bullet the firearm contained, rabid with anger. It was revenge not only for Bryatt, but all those times I was weak. Suddenly it was as if another personality came over me. One that was hardened, unaffected, and merciless. My target dropped to the ground, and lay still. He was dead.

    Then as suddenly as it had come upon me, it was all gone. My hands shook so badly I could no longer hold the gun. It fell back to the ground, clattering at my feet. It finally sunk in that I had just killed a man, and I didn't know what to think.

    "Tseng..." Bryatt croaked from behind me. I turned, remembering him, and rushed to his side. The blood was everywhere, pouring out of his chest. He was pale and glassy eyed. It was so real it made me sick, and yet it seemed an unwanted dream.

    "Bryatt..." I held his shaking hand in mine as my eyes teared. "Why?"

    There were tears in his eyes as well. "I'm....I'm sorry, Tseng. I'm sorry that I had to protect you... One...last...time." His breathing was slowing down.

    "No..." I shook my head frantically as tears flowed over my cheeks. "No, Bryatt. You're not going to die. You're not. You can't. I need you. I can't lose everything again! I just can't!!!" I doubled over, sobbing into him.

    "Love...." he spoke softly, giving my hand a gentle squeeze. "I deserve it. I stole money from the Don. That's... That's why they came after me. I thought... I thought we could use it to get out of Midgar... Ah!" He cried out in pain, grabbing at his chest. "Tseng... Tseng..."

    "What?" I stroked his face. "What?"

    "....Promise me you'll never steal."

    "No, no," I swore. "Never."

    "And don't... And don't cry over me. I know you will. But don't. Go on. Be happy... Be happy, just like I always wanted you to be."

    "But, Bryatt, how... How can I... Without you, how can I--"

    "Tseng..." he cut me off gently and I listened intently. "You will be happy. I know you will. Someday. Even if it is far off. You'll find someone you do love, and you'll be happy with them... Just as... Just as I was happy with you..."

    I couldn't even respond. I just cried.

    "I love you," he whispered, voice growing fainter. "Always. Remember....that."

    With shaking fingers I took his poem from my pocket, unfolding the already well worn page. "Look, Bryatt. Your poem. I said I would keep it with me, remember? And I will, always. I won't forget you. Not ever." I held his hand tighter. "Not ever!" With those words my voice cracked, and I lost it again.

    "Sorry... Sorry...that it couldn't be forever." He met my eyes.

    "Bryatt, no," I pleaded, taking his shoulders as if I could pass some of my life into him. "Bryatt!! BRYATT!" I shook him, begging with him, pleading with him with all my might.

    It was no use. My friend was limp in my arms.

    Bryatt, my last hope. My world. My life. Was dead.

    I did the only thing I could. I bent over his body and cradled him, sobbing and wondering why, just why so many things had gone wrong so suddenly.

    They say it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. But I never loved Bryatt. I only lost. And it seemed as though that's all I could do.

    Instead they gave me a sedative, and I don't remember what happened after that. I must have fallen asleep or passed out or something, because the next thing I remember I was laying down in a cold, unfamiliar room. I sat up like a shot, frantically looking around. Where the hell was I?

    There were two men seated at a table, and they looked up when I stirred.

    "Kid's up," said one, getting to his feet.

    "Hey there," said the other. "Don't panic, kid. Everything's all right. You're in Shinra Headquarters. You're safe now. No one will hurt you."

    "Where's my friend?" I asked in a small voice, suddenly feeling so young.

    "We have his body. We're going to bury it," said the first one.

    I was shocked. Shinra was going to bury a no one shot down in the streets like Bryatt? "Thank you," I said in shock.

    "I'm Caljunain Vash," the second one spoke up, "and this is my subordinate, Nicholas Ewan. We're members of the Shinra Manufacturing Department in Administrative Research, otherwise known as, the Turks."

    The Turks. I froze. I had heard of them before, neither in a favorable or negative light.

    Mr. Ewan came to sit besides me. "Tseng Tyutyuik. Your parents died in a fire before you could turn eleven, and you are fifteen now. You were homeless until you began working for Don Corneo. Your friend, Bryatt Porter, was shot and killed by one of the Don's men after robbing him of 243 Gil. That man is now also deceased, shot four times, right in the chest."

    I blinked in amazement. "How... How did you know all that?"

    "There is little we don't know," came the reply.

    "Tseng," Mr. Vash spoke up, "what we wish to know is, who shot that man? Was it you, or was it Bryatt?"

    Great. They're going to throw me in jail. I suppose I deserve it. "I did it," I admitted quietly, hanging my head. "I killed him."

    A silence followed.

     "Did you ever shoot off a gun before?"

    I shook my head. "Never."

    Another silence. I kept my head down.

    "Tseng, look up," I was ordered. I did.

    "Where have you to go from here?"

    "Nowhere."

    "You have demonstrated skills that would qualify you as a member of the Turks, shall you wish to accept the position. It will not be easy. Turks must train hard, and there are many rules for us to abide by. You must be willing to pledge your life and loyalty to Shinra Inc., and do whatever is asked of you."

    Mr. Ewan added, "the company will take care of you. It will provide you with everything you could possibly want. This is your chance to have a stable life, Tseng. You'll never have to worry about being out on the street again."

    To think the Don's offer had once seemed too good to be true. Everything I could possibly want? Never have to worry about being on the street again? I didn't want much out of life, my demands were simple. I just wanted to be safe and happy, two things Bryatt had always wanted for me. I couldn't let him down and pass up this offer. I was ready to pledge my life to anyone who saved me for one more day out on the street. I would gladly get down on my knees and worship Shinra Inc. for saving my life.

    "What do you think?" Mr. Vash met my eyes. "Will you join us, Tseng? Will you be a Turk?"

    My black eyes were fixed on his, and the same cold, unemotional feeling that had came over me back when the weapon was in my hand transformed me again. "Yes," I replied smoothly. "I will be a Turk. I will serve Shinra Inc. And I will do whatever is asked of me. Just thank you. Thank you for saving me."

    I signed away my life to Shinra. I would have signed it away to the devil himself. I had to be happy. And I had to be safe.

    One last breath...

    Living...